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Dear Idi! hugs! I’m sorry I’ve been away, I am feeling better but the recovery for this surgery is 9 months. I tire easily and if I do too much It causes nerve irritation which is painful. Right now my back is really sore as i sit and type. I absolutely loved the sneakers! Perfect putting a time value to it. If I were here I would have said watch the two month mark. Trigger but you got through no matter by valuing yourself! You are right about that coffee. And next time i’d nicely point out to hubby that your coffee costs way less than his brekkie, you deserve your treat, and house coffee doesn’t taste like a nice shop coffee. Sometime we blame others for the way they treat us, but we also allow it. I’ve set new boundaries. Some times it fetches hubby up a little but usually he jumps on board 🙂 You are doing so well xo
I got a call a few minutes ago. I go sign papers tomorrow for a new car. Newest I’ve ever had. Life’s not about things. I drove a very reliable old car for years but now it’s time to move on. Not gambling means i can do it. I hope and pray i keep the strength. And i think another barrier is going to be a good idea to help me from going astray period! Now it’s past nap time. Life should hopefully settle some.
take care,
LauraGood to see IDI here supporting you and now you back supporting her. I’ve been so busy with getting over surgery, car shopping, and just every that I haven’t been on for a while.
There are so many who just barely survive due to their circumstances. I’m hoping your body lets your get through this return to work so the pay cheques start coming in. Are you committed to stay through a signed contract or if something better comes up can you leave? I always just see if there is something more positive to come. Even if it is a contract, there will be others, and better ones!
I’m really happy your boys are there for you, as any good son should! You must be so proud of them and your heart fill with love!
Cutting down on the smokes is a good idea. Go for a couple walks on the weekend. It would fill some time and who smokes and walks? Don’t answer lol Silly thing to fill time, what about old fashioned puzzles on a kitchen table? Find them cheap in thrift stores.
Treat yourself to items to give yourself a lovely bubble bath with a couple candles and use your lovely creams.
Baking? Use your first check to buy some things to make your suppers for the week that you can freeze, cooking them would keep you busy for a while on a day off.
Go to a show with a friend. Most of these things take a little money. But hopefully you’ll have a little soon.
I used to smoke and had a similiar coat situation. Now that I don’t smoke I can smell it as well. Don’t know if you can hang your coat out to air a bit and keep it in a plastic bag at home if you smoke inside. Clothes we wash but coats don’t get freshened as often. And hopefully the complaining co-worker is statisfied.
Hugssss Monica. I’m sure you’ve had a long day. Relax, hopefully you had a good supper.
LauraChange is not easy! Really not much has changed except the home page and the group page. I’m having a bit of problems with the group page but will report it and try and work it out.
Keep with what works JK. We don’t have to spend a lot of time on here but touching base seems to help. When I stopped connecting even after having over 5 years clean I went back. Coming here is helping me get back on track and stay there I hope.
Take care!
LauraHi Monica,
Our anonymity is very important to us when we are sharing as much as we do. I checked today and only your user name and language shows when i click on your id so i’m glad whatever the issue was it has been resolved. Nothing can be more nerve racking than thinking your life is on display. I’ve always been the more paranoid type, coming from a small community. I’ve never used names in my thread for that reason.
Do other recovering addicts feel shame for their past addiction I wonder? Probably some for sure. I no longer feel shame, I understand it was an addiction. But my faith in others making that connection is not so great! Here yes, people understand. In the big wide world not so much.So I’m sorry this scare has marred your joy at being offered a decent job! Yahoooooo! You mention this last six months of hell. Some of the feelings will fade fast! You’ll maybe forget some of the hell pretty quickly. Time will pass and you will rebuild a healthy life. You will be able to talk about things getting better xo.
So I’m so glad that you didn’t give in to the temptation, urges or pressure yesterday. You are going to start making financial improvements. No time for digging the hole deeper. The stress has probably been a trigger. I hope you can stay and that we will hook up in group again someday.
I’m feeling better but healing at the same time. I’m weak from the bad shape I was in for so long. We have to work on that as I continue to heal from surgery. It will be probably 3 to 6 months of rehab before I can even think about going back to work. But at least I’m thinking about it.
Have a good day Monica. Hang in there!
Laura
You are devilishly clever IDI! I think most CG’s have to be to hide it for so long. It’s one of the most hidden addictions. We don’t get intoxicated as such and can do the everyday life thing for a long time. I would get embarrassed at the amount of money I’d withdraw at the local establishment and leave. But if I could possibly take anything out on the way home I’d pull it out and take it home as winnings. So I could justify going to the pub for an hour. I hadn’t lost a that day after all! You could maybe write a book about a woman and her adventures to catch the post. It could be quite humourous . Once you settle into your little recovery groove things do seem to get more normal if there is such a thing.
I made it into group tonight but had to go in through the schedule. Hopefully we will hook up one of these days. Have a great rest of the work week.
LauraHey I won, I am back too after “dabbling” or dancing with the devil for a couple years. I had picked up my 5 year chip but never quite finished year 6. I had some barriers still in place so I couldn’t have too many real blow outs. But over time it added up and there bill payments late and extra interest paid and all the things that happen when you juggle money to gamble. But I finally made it back here and got back into the habit of having GT and my fellow recovery mates to add a little bit of accountability and make me think what I’m doing. We can get back on track. Just have to bite the bullet with some barriers. I don’t know if we ever want to stop when we are in the middle of it. If you are here dig in and hang on. Good to see you back. Tomorrow is a new day. And we are all here because of the things we did for gambling. Should be no judgement. You can do this again and you will.
LauraWelcome back Rionagh. I’m glad you are here. You deserve a life and so does your family. And that is what gambling steals from us. I’m sure being a mom of three in today’s times must be very hectic and if you’re like me, gambling was a time to just not have to deal with anything. It was a time to relax and make me feel better somehow. But once it goes across the line of addiction or compulsion there is no more just taking a little break with a gamble. It just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. There is never enough time and money in the day to be spent gambling. And when not doing it i was thinking of doing it, or thinking how stupid I am and why I shouldn’t be doing it! No fear of unloading, we all need to get things off our chest. Learning to make healthier choices for ourselves. You didn’t ask for an addiction but that is what you have got. Hang in there, you can do this and turn this around. I’m a bit tired tonight, but popped on to see if anyone in group. So far just me. I had a a hard time finding my way into the group. Maybe others are as well. Have a good night. Tomorrow maybe pay off any of those things that you can. So you won’t have the money to be tempted with. Think I’m going to call it an early night in bed. You CAN do this!!
LauraHi Liz,
i’m at the end of a posting spurt. Back getting sore sitting so I’ll have to go for my walk and do a few exercises. You have been doing great Liz. Nicks idea of a $1000 emergency fund has everyone motivated 🙂 I get anxious too. Any time I have to deal with making phone calls to any kind of agency or company. Silly isn’t it? I mean I could be calling to correct something on an account and I still get anxiety. I think calming ourselves, facing the task, and getting it accomplished helps. Have to get through it. No more escaping. Which is what sends us gambling. You can accept your mom’s apology but that doesn’t mean you have to go back to how things were. Being around toxic people is soul sucking. I can’t imagine it being my mom. I know what you talk of though, of having to pretend everything was ok when growing up. My dad was an alcoholic who could have a bad temper. There were some tough days and I remember crying in bed at night fighting the urge to jump out my window and run away. Thankfully he slowed down with the drinking and his temper mellowed. We built a loving good relationship in my adult years. But it took time and i dealt with it through a 12 step program for adult children of alcoholics. It helped immensely.
You are doing great Liz, one day at a time.
take care,
LauraOh my god Monica I am over the moon for you! The pay sounds good and maybe there won’t be quite as much responsibility as you are used to. Could be a good thing while you finish out your GMA counseling and try and rebuild your strength. Please do some nice things to pamper yourself as soon as you get the chance.
I just read your post about your son and his girlfriend. That must have been a very scary phone call and I’m sure you are always a little worried about him. Hopefully he gets things under control.
You are almost through the dry spell Monica. The timing is good. Before you started GMA and you might have had to make a choice between therapy and a job. Now you will have both.
I’m going to try and get into the afternoon group now. Hoping it works this time! Couldn’t get in last night.Huggssss Monica, I am just soooooo happyyyyy for you 🙂
Laura
So very good to hear from you Tina as I was wondering how you were doing! Hopefully we hear more from you even if it’s updates that show others it can be done! We can get ourselves into such a hopeless place and situation. A lot of us are suicidal when we arrive and to know that things can be turned around means a lot. I too think nature is a big part of recovery. Looking out instead of in all the time. I too have learned that keeping silent in my relationship only hurts me.
Keep in touch and good to hear from you!
Laurahi problem gambler,
The weight of all our debts once we stop gambling (which is usually when we have completely run out of money and credit) can be overwhelming. I’m not sure what country you are from but would suggest you look for a non profit credit counseling agency that can perhaps look at your situation and offer your advice. Many members contact all of their creditors to renegotiate payments. You are not working and are dealing with a health condition (compulsive gambling is classified as a mental illness in a lot of countries, you wouldn’t be lying). If they see they may not get anything they are usually easier to get a new payment plan out of. Keep posting for gambling support. Perhaps use one thread though as Charles suggests. I know this can be very depressing, realizing what we have done. But one day at a time you can get through this period.
LauraGood morning Micky,
sorry I haven’t posted for a while. I ended up having major back surgery the very end of January. It’s been a long haul and I’m still recovering and sleep a lot between rehab and trying to keep up with the everyday things in life. I’m not working and wont be for a few months yet anyway. Not being able to get out of the house alone has been a huge barrier. Anyway, enough about me.
I’ve done some catching up on your thread. You are making the right choices Micky. If we make it extremely hard for ourselves to gamble it really does help us make the right decision. And soon those become the everyday habits. Saying no to gambling for the most part becomes easier. Except for those triggers that we all face occasionally. Really good job on giving up the bank card. We really do have to use the sensible part of our brain to outsmart the addicted part.
Keep it up Micky. July and August are getting closer. The days will go by regardless. The way you are passing them will make you feel better.
Have a good weekend, hopefully you have a bit of time off.
Laura