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Good morning IDI! I’m trying to get back into a normal routine. For the past week and a half I’ve only been out of bed 8 hours a day. There must be a bed theme running through our recoveries lol! I’ve been extremely sore, for several reasons which also include slipping on slush and tripping over furniture. I find I place mindless games on my phone as that is all the concentration I have at night. But on the other hand I am still on a bit of a high from buying a new car. Still loving it when I get to drive it! I read back over quite a bit of your posts to catch up! And as always love to share my observations. You are very hard on your self xo. We all have changes we need to make in our lives or we wouldn’t be here, battling this addiction, and the fall out. Try to promote change for yourself in a loving way. You would never say to anyone else that they were just lazy etc. I see someone who has made great strides in four months! Gamble free, started a kitchen fund! And even if you dip into it for wine and meals with friends, well look at you go! Taking the initiative to set up dinners with people who were glad to hear from you and get out themselves. “New” furniture. You know what, I have redecorated with new to me furniture in the living room and kitchen. Lovely pieces. And space on the patio sounds lovely. That was one of the first things I did too. Was make myself a lovely outside space. Yes things take money, but simple things take less and still give you that homey place to relax and read or invite a friend over for wine. Which is cheaper! You deserve to feel happy and comfortable in your home. I still think counseling with the right person would be helpful but I know it isn’t for everyone. Mine would give me homework lol. But she helped me process a lot of my relationship issues and feelings. All through the lense of gambling addiction, triggers, urges etc. I’m so glad you are feeling positive again today. I think it’s normal we still have low times. But be as kind to IDI as you can. She’s a good hearted funny gal who deserves to be loved. Have a good day! Laura
Hi Liz, I’m due for a catch up but have my whole family coming over later for very casual get together. One pot meal! Chili. I’ve decided it’s about the company, not the meal this Easter. And that is something I need to remind myself. If you are coming to visit my house you are in the wrong place.
You asked about getting into the groups. I find them hard to get into so I will just post the link I use! I’m hoping this will work. Click the link. As long as you are logged in it will show the times in your time zone. If you are not logged in it will show in UK London times. Scroll to top of page and click the purple “button” that says view as list. This will list any open groups at the time. Look for one that says open group in english and join. A lot of us meet in the 10pm London time group. The earlier ones are facilitated which are great for getting structural help or support.
https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/online-support-groups-problem-gamblers-their-friends-and-family
Happy Easter Liz. Keep up the good work. You are still here fighting the good fight. Catch up soon.
LauraWelcome back Rayman, I’m sorry to hear of your relapse. It is very painful to flush all that progress down the toilet. Once you place that first bet it felt like you were powerless to stop the return to old ways. Yes we can fool ourselves for a little while. We can do this responsibly, we have learned not to go too far, and then we crash all over again. I’ve been there.
The good news is that your mind hasn’t forgotten those 18 months! You can get back into the groove of recovery! You can find your way out of this again! And it will feel familiar quickly, the life of non gambling! The only thing that saved me from a terrible back slide was my barriers. I couldn’t access all of my money. Something for you to consider.What can you do to protect your money from you? Can you transfer it to bank accounts you don’t have access to? Can you have a trusted family member hold some money for you? What can you do to work on you? Can you access any sort of counseling? This is your life you are fighting for and you are worth it. What about bans? or closing gambling accounts? Do you use your phone or computer? What about a gambling blocker?
There is still a lot of life left to live. How are you going to live it?
All the best Rayman!
Hope you getting some rest! I managed to catch another group and do a post . Yay me. but now I’m pooped. I might do a quick update. Long weekend coming!
Laurahey Daniel. I think part of the issue is that you are watching the markets. So your body is looking for that high it normally gets when watching the markets and placing bets, i mean investments. Paper trading or watching the markets and dry gambling or dry running the values your investments would gain can trigger major urges to continue with the behaviour that made you lose it all. It’s a big old addiction unfortunately. Not every one who gambles becomes addicted. But once they do i’ve not heard of anyone making it back to being a responsible gambler. But really all you have to worry about is today. I would stop watching the stocks. For now anyway. Much as a sport better usually has to stop watching sports. Or a slot gambler can’t play online slots for fun and horse betters have to stop checking the daily racing form etc. Old habits have to be replaced by new habits. This sounds tough. And some times people can add certain elements back in. Like maybe the sports better could go watch a match. But in most cases its best to avoid practicing portions of the addiction. Some food for thought. Hope you aren’t beating yourself up so bad. You didn’t choose to have this addiction. It snuck up and bit you. But now you see it for what it is. I wish you all the best in fighting this. And make no doubt, that is what you are in I believe. A fight. This can take over your life for the rest of your life. Take good care. Laura
I totally agree!
need more time! And earlier times! It was very good to hook up with the two of you for support. I wish you both nothing but success. Have a good day tomorrow. take care, Laura xo
Hi Daniel, welcome to the forum. I’m so glad you had Sara and others here to support you. Most compulsive or addicted gamblers can’t stop until they hit rock bottom and have nothing left. They cannot stop themselves even when they know they have a problem. It is the hard slam of bottom that makes them realize what they truly have been dealing with. If by some miracle you managed to save a little give it to a trusted family member to keep for you. You are right, we can’t trust ourselves. It’s unfortunate but true. It is not the money, winnings or in the case of stocks, earnings or profits that we are addicted to. It is the thrill or rush of the bet or the “investment” that you are addicted to. The rush of watching your stock rise and calculating your winnings to be “reinvested” in your mind. You continue to make the “investments” regardless of actual outcome. I played slot machinces. Ya I know, the house always wins! Especially if you continue to play. In my case I used cash to play. For a long time after my crash. When all I had left was a badly mortgaged house and and old car, I could not handle cash! I could not trust myself with my source! In your case it is probably stock trading accounts. Can you close them all? Get rid of them. You will not trust yourself again with stocks for maybe never. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have a good life. A great life. It hurts big time where you are now. But to steal the advice of another member here, Kin, it is time to stop the digging. Take the shovel out of your hand and stop digging the hole deeper. Addictions counseling was immensely helpful for me. Seeing a counselor that specialized in gambling and also attending GA meetings were immensely helpful. I realized I was fighting for my life. So glad you joined. Information is a great tool.
take care,
Lauradang just missed you by a minute!
hey Monica, a lot of addicts substitute. I substituted GT and other support groups. I would spend hours posting and reading and chatting. At one time the chat was open 24 hours a day. You could still set up a time to meet someone. I knew that somehow it was healthier for me than gambling. I was lucky in that I also had one on one with a gambling addictions specialist every two weeks. Every week in the beginning when I was distraught. Between my GA group who thankfully were fairly modern and flexible and counseling I slowly began to have a healthier life without gambling and much less time online using support. Hopefully as you continue to introspect you will figure out a way to move away from the ipad addiction. At least it is relatively harmless! Warm weather will help I’m sure. You can start doing more maybe. Things that are out of the house.
I’ve always thought that there are many people in today’s society that have addictions to what I would call more sociably acceptable things. Like work. Workaholics often have a lot of money and quite often this allows them to keep the trappings of life that are admired even though it is not a healthy way of life. It is still more sociably acceptable.Before my first surgery over a decade ago I was on the upwardly mobile rise in my workplace. Old enough that my kids were out of the young years but I was still only in my mid thirties. I look at those I was rising with and where they are now and I could get bitter about all I have lost. I work part time. And thankfully my job came with disability insurance so I get a small income from them as well. I will never have what I would have but I will be grateful for what I do have. When I was having an awful day physically I would think of the refugees from many countries who have lost everything and must deal with bad backs without the luxury of a good mattress or heating pad or tele to keep them entertained. I haven’t been able to manifest a new back but I’m trying to be grateful no matter what! But I have not dealt with hunger and unfortunately we can’t seem to manifest food out of thin air. It is good to stay positive but it has it’s limitations as well.
I’m sorry about your friendship. I know how that feels and it is awful to lose someone close by choice. You will never be the person you were before as you are forever changed by this.
I also read back re the job (as you can see by all my subjects covered lol). Being authentic seems to be what we gain from recovery. You’ve made some money to grocery shop, I’m thrilled! Now you need rest and immune support. Take care of you. Epsom salt baths are wonderful. Source of magnesium which all our cells need on the base level to function.
xo LauraHey Monica, I haven’t read back all the way so I’m sure I’m missing an update re job but will look back next chance I have to sit and be here.
You are gamble free, no matter what the journey will be! Has to make it better than it would be.
Re love, never say never! Maybe next time you’ll be able to allow someone in who is also a care taker. For some reason when we are the caretaker type we are more likely to pick people who need that. Not so good for us!
Take care Monica!So true IDI, if you make a mistake own it. That applies to ourselves but also to those that try to blame us for their choices. They may not be adult enough to own their own decision but I’m not going to own it for them! If that makes any sense. I’m not taking the blame for someone else and I won’t agree with distorted thinking.
I’ve always had the guilty conscience. Nothing I ever do is good enough in my own mind. I’ve been racked with guilt that I haven’t been here for a week or so again. Sorry I haven’t been here to support you but I need to take care of me as I’ve been told. Pain is worse this past couple weeks for me as I get used to moving again. I’ve been busy just trying to take care of myself after the hectic time of purchasing a new car suitable for my needs. Now is the more physio intensive time. By the time i do my excercises and walks I collapse exhausted at 5 or 6 pm in bed. Hope i can do the 10pm London time group again soon.
When you talk about the issues you had here… I’m glad you are slowly letting them go. Being privy to some of your thoughts, and others, I know that a lot of misunderstanding occurred. But you are right, it was the shocking behaviour of the other that is hard to get over. It surprised me too. I have friends from this site and now understand that I’m lucky they have turned out to be trustworthy!
I think you are doing wonderful. You must be close to three months! But even more important is the changes in you that make this recovery and not just white knuckled abstinence.
Here is another of my little warnings. The three months annivesary can be a time of urges. Just part of the addictions course given for smoking and my addictions counsellor said yes they would also apply to this addiction.
But I have total faith you will get through it. Give your body what it needs. Sleep, nourishment, relaxation.
Thanks for being here. It takes you effort. We are lucky to have you. I’m now 8 weeks out from surgery. This is a 9 month haul but things should start getting easier. I hope anyway!
Stay positive girl. You can do this. Don’t let others bring you down. Invest your time in yourself too, not just in lifting others up.
Laura
Hi Nick, how are you doing?
were you able to get that software blocker installed on your phone? You have been very supportive and inspirational here with your plan and your $1000 emergency fund. The fact that you had one when you relapsed is a good sign. Also looking for every available barrier and way to avoid gambling is a good sign. At a certain point it only brings pain not pleasure and you are realizing this. You will get this! Just don’t give up on yourself or your recovery. Take care! Hope you are well.
Laura