[finding_laura]

Hi IDI,

quick check in. I slept through most of group but it doesn’t look like anyone made it. Hope you are getting some sleep these days.
If your son is extra nervous about things perhaps some counseling for him to help deal with it. Some coping mechanism type skills. I think we all want the best for our kids and a lot of us moms in this generation tend to hover and assist where ever possible. Deep breaths!
I hope he did well and that you too can relax.
Laura

[finding_laura]

Good morning Monica, I’m glad to see doc has suggested antidepressants. It gets to that point where our situational depression and depression caused by withdrawal creates the larger imbalance. I’m glad to see it was really explained why.

I can’t say enough how stopping gambling after being a gambling addict messes with the chemical balance in our brain. It takes time and sometimes medical help to find balance again. Each situation is it’s own.

Hugsss Monica. It helps to have others walking with us as we go through our recovery. I also think of “recovery” as an ongoing journey and not an end state. In my case it was two years before I felt normal in my own skin. But it was a new normal. I really didn’t want to go back. I am still in recovery.

I hope you rise earlier today and are able to enjoy the sunshine. Spring is threatening not to come here this year! When it does i want to take advantage and enjoy. Take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Daniel, just wanted to see how you are doing? Let us know how things are going. Hope you are ok.
Laura

[finding_laura]

You are so right Callme! I had over 5 years without gambling, returned to it for 2 years and have now been clean for nearly a year again. I remember how I would see the slots flashing on my eyelids at night when i closed my eyes. And that was only the beginning. But the sounds disappear and the visions fade and life can get normal again. I socialize and travel as much as I’m physically capable of doing ( I have health issues). The first few months in some ways were the hardest for me. But it was two years before life normalized for me. Not every journey is the same but there are a lot of tools we can use in common. Being here helped lots of us. Glad you are back again.
Laura

[finding_laura]

Sorry, I wasn’t meaning that you should tell a lot of people. I only ever suggest telling someone that you totally trust not to use it against you or throw it in your face. My family was supportive and helpful. My husbands not so much. He told his mom who told his whole family. I was not happy but nothing I could do after the fact. Turns out I thought I was hiding it better than I did anyway. I had a family member control my finances for a while. I couldn’t ban or block so I had to do something to help me. I tried controlling my gambling before as well. Sometimes I’d do ok for a week. Or maybe even a month without too much of a dip in funds. But sooner or later I would be looking for the rush and my luck would be down. I’d empty my bank account trying to feel it. It’s not the money we are really after in the end. Well done on day 4. One day at a time. Getting through each day as it comes. Try to focus at work. It will get better as you know. You’ve been here before 🙂

[finding_laura]

Hi IDI,

thanks for your post of the other day. I’m glad you are seeing yourself as deserving of the position. Something made you think you weren’t. Reverse that, whatever it takes.

I loved the way you put that above – “I guess I will never control it ‘gambling’ but I can stop it controlling me” !

It’s like our primeval brain is addicted and our educated thinking mind can outsmart that part of ourselves.

I can’t give back in to that. And I need to figure out what to do to build my barriers up higher. Thanks for sharing your experience. It makes us all think. It can happen to me too. It did before. I want to spend my money on living life not on a trance like state of attention. I’m glad you had your barriers built high. How much might you have blown? Pick yourself out a little treat and know it’s well deserved. xo

Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Monica,

I did post to my thread today first. Good to hear there are job offers coming in. Even if you turn them all down they are offers which you were worried you’d ever get. Really great they moved that appointment up. Squeaky wheel gets the grease and in today’s systems you really have to squeak. They need to take care of you so you can get back on your feet and take care of yourself. Time in the Carribean sounds lovely. Hope. I am always careful what I promise a recovering gambler about how fast things will get better. Or I hope I do. Because there is such a thing as reality. And we all don’t have the same one. I’m trying to take care of myself. My exercises are increased and my walks should also be increasing. I need to do what I’m supposed to if I want to avoid more surgery too soon. I’ve not been having luck hitting a 10pm group. But my week is looking quieter so will try again tomorrow if not completely worn out.

Laura

[finding_laura]

Thanks IDI for your post. You are always there to encourage! I have been super busy. Finally got last years taxes finished, only a year late nearly. Had a sleepover night with a group of women friends that have included me through a mutual friend. It was lovely. Then I slept nearly the whole next day. Exhausted. But it was so much fun it was worth it. I keep tackling projects. My goal is to get this years taxes filed on time. When you have disabilities and insurance there is always paperwork to be filed. Receipts for prescriptions and rehab specialists etc. Anyway, that enough of my moaning. I try and be grateful for the mundane things as this means life is no longer chaotic. And I am no longer in denial about what needs taking care of. I’m in the process of updating a budget to include my new car expenses and an Emergency fund as was suggested. I want to spend a little money on freshening up my outdoor space this spring as well. I need to learn how to save a little ahead. I tend to use credit cards too often. But no gambling! I’ll have to go back and check my time line for my date. It’s in May or June I cant really remember! Wish I could ban from one little place. But no such thing unfortunately here.

Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Rayman,

I know what it’s like to start gambling again. I was proud to pick up my five year chip. Sometime after I just decided to gamble. I chose the place and snuck in and out like a thief. Looking over her shoulder. I continued for almost two years. Losing my self respect and lying to friends and family. I sunk pretty low in a lot of ways. Thankfully I have been back in recovery this past year almost. And I will need all the help I can get. Due to health issues I have been unable to drive until recently. But now that I’m back on the roads myself and driving by pubs and hotels and restaurants that are all set up as legal gambling venues I am unsupervised. My family including inlaws and friends know and would either not participate or rat on me to my partner. Long story! But now, i run the risk of bumping into them if I gamble again. So far I’m ok. I quickly returned to not wanting to gamble when I used this site regularly and I discussed my finances with my partner. The good news is you have experience being gamble free. Try and return to the patterns you were using when you were gamble free last time. Then try and fill any holes in your past plan. It is good to not allow ourselves access even when we feel we have it under control. The change in boss and the subsequent moving of job really had an impact on you. Sometimes its the situation that changes and that triggers feelings we want to forget. I’m glad you are here. Try and use breathing techniques and mindfulness to ease your anxiety and assist with sleep. Meditation is great, although that’s on my own to do list. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. Time to put the beast back to sleep. And if friends give you the invite, well, you just don’t gamble! Better things to do with your money and time.

take care,
Laura

Laura

[finding_laura]

So great to see a post! And wow, five months gamble free is a great achievement. One day at a time you keep making the commitment.

Your first post on this thread shows that we each have our own point of realization. Something that gives us that first foot hold in a period or recovery. So glad to hear you are already reaping the rewards of not gambling.

I love reading that you are focused on enjoying the time spent together, the relationship. Much as the repayment you made to your brother helped repair your relationship with him and his wife. It’s like a little bell finally goes off. Ding ding ding. I’ve been missing out on the important things in life for imaginary gains and an addiction.

Well done Johnny. Keep it up. The gambling sobriety and the reaping of your rewards.

Laura

[finding_laura]

Hey Monica, I checked for group but none at ten on Thursday? Glad that last pay is finally in the works. How do they expect you to live on two days pay til June?

I wouldn’t doubt a lot of your stomach issues are related to the extreme stress and irregular diet. What about a simple healing meditation? Something to try and help release the stress on a daily basis. Also if you are having more sensitivities to milk right now maybe ease up on those type products.
I’m not sure if we can manifest a good job or a new career path solely by thinking of it but worth trying I guess. I once read that you need to rearrange your life to make room for what you want. One of the examples was a woman that wanted a partner, was told to make space in her closet and only sleep on one side of the bed. Not sure what you do to make space for a new career! IDI? you have any thoughts? I too chuckled IDI at the thought of you saying no. People readjust! They learn we aren’t taking the crap no more 🙂

I hope another job comes along soon Monica. Til then please take care of yourself. Do things to make yourself feel good and happy. Spring is one of the best free times of year. The days grow longer and the sun stronger. Birdsong in the park. Fresh air. Blossoms! Have a lovely day tomorrow.

Laura

[finding_laura]

Takes a lot of courage to share your story and to do it at the front of a room takes more. Thanks for sharing your successes. It helps other know there is hope of living well even with this addiction. Be proud. Well done. Take care!

Laura

[finding_laura]

Hey Daniel, good to see a post from you and that you are getting back to a more normal life. The regrets will be there likely for a long time. But as you say, you now have a new perspective. Maybe this will help you appreciate any newly accumulated wealth in a different way. Maybe you need to build in some type of rewards into your life. I remember when you told your story it reminded me of a volcano under constant pressure that sooner or later will explode. You were so disciplined and didn’t seem to allow yourself much fun or excitement or release. I understand you prefer a simple life but I”m wondering if you are fulfilled? Hope that isn’t too personal a question. Money collected in a bank account is just numbers if it is never used for any purpose.

I really am glad to see you here responding and posting. Quite often in recovery we are challenged to do things differently so that the outcome is different. This community helps us to reflect on these things and you never know when it will come in handy.

Take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

It was good to catch up xo

Reach for the stars IDI, you may catch a ride! Huggssss

Laura

[finding_laura]

Hey Monica, sorry to hear of your stomach agonies! I hope you figure this out.

So, not sure where i read (it was regarding someone who had two near death experiences) that for some of us our purpose here is to help those we love (entities that we know on the other side and do not recognize here) grow / learn / change. A sacrifice of sorts. Maybe that is just a comforting thought and it is just so much more b. s.

My health hasn’t been the best of late. But reading your and IDI’s thread has led me to push myself a little today and tackle some paper work. One project done. It’s a favor for family. I have stuff of my own to take care of but I had to help and therefore worth it. I also did a little cleaning as my hubby is having a down day. Funny how I understand and step in to make things go smoother. Supper being prepared, dishes being washed up and kitchen tidied. Not quite finished but i’ve had enough of that kind of activity for one day. Quick coffee while I ice my back and then I am going to try and get out for my little walk. Problem is I’ll be exhausted and in bed for the night right after supper. Also need to dig up the courage to shower and sort a load of laundry. Someone will thankfully do it for me. Sorry moping a bit! I know you have a lot of your own health issues and sometimes it’s tough to dig out from under them. I guess we can only do our best. Well done on taking more steps Monica. Shutting down the unhealthy game. Thinking I should just delete the apps i’m mindlessly playing. Just matching games but a waste of time. No gambling here. I don’t leave home alone. Makes things much easier. No urges. I hardly think about. It is possible!

take care, enjoy your good food and fresh air!

Laura

P.S. Wish I could say i’d meet you girls in group tonight but I can’t promise.

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