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Hey K, so good to see your new t hread 🙂 I am totally exhausted. Pushed myself to do the wrong things? Should I be more focused on rehab and less on the daily requirements of life? Anyway, I’m only up for a minute mid sleep. But was drawn to read a couple posts while I was up. This is such good news to me to read. I have missed our interactions here and your wonderful story. I know you offer loads of hope and are like a breath of fresh air. I’m off to bed but will owe you a proper post tomorrow. Laura
Hi Optimism, it’s good to read your latest post! Sorry I missed it as I had a death in the family and was away from the site for a little while.
Sounds like things are going really well right now. You have put measures in place to prevent your access to your bank accounts etc which can really lessen urges for a lot of people. You are filling your time with fulfilling activities with your wife and through work which help de-stress and build a strong relationship. And if or when you get urges you have support here and there are other places and ways of support when needed. Re read your first post and how it made you feel to hurt your wife and risk the best thing in your life and you will remember why you don’t want or can’t gamble again.
As Charles says, when you are due to to return to the US you can do research about where you are going and if you are still nervous about it talk with your wife and what you can do together to make sure you continue to stay on your preferred path! Sounds like she’s pretty savvy so far.
Hope you’ve had another great week. Take care,
Laura
P.S. Life is good and I can’t complain 🙂Looking at that ring may remind you of your promise or vow to yourself. I carried a couple of different coins. One with a picture of Jesus on one side and on the other it has a little prayer. The other just says always with you and has a picture of an angel on the other side. Whatever makes you think about your choice and helps you to make the safe one. Well done on day 6. Today you got through the day and you thought about where this has taken you and the lengths that we go through to hide it is insane when you think about it. I had secret loans so bills wouldn’t be overdue. But then eventually I couldn’t pay the loans. That’s 9 years ago now. Good to see you posting. You can do this!
LauraHey Nick. Sorry to hear about the relationship issues. Are they gambling related or were they there besides the gambling? Recovery sure isn’t smooth sailing all the time. And sometimes we aren’t the easiest people to deal with. When we are gambling or when we are in a mood because we are not gambling. Always pays to try and identify if we are contributing to the problem.
Good to hear recovery is okay. A lot of people can find it rather blah compared to the excitement of gambling. So you know ok is OK! You can work on making life more exciting in other ways. But that will never happen if you gamble. Sometimes we need to hang on to the ground we’ve already made and tomorrow is another day for improvement.
Take care of your self.
LauraI too struggle with bad days. Bad pain days, bad anxiety days, lack of energy days. But I know that there will be good days again too. Try and treat yourself kindly on those days.
It can take up to two years for our brains to rebalance themselves after addiction. Here is a link that explains a little about it. https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm
My gambling addictions counselor said this applies to gambling addiction as well. And in this article I’ve found it talks about how gambling increases the release of dopamine by up to ten times. So we aren’t addicted to a outside substance, we are addicted to that feel good release gambling gives us when we win. And we keep needing wins to get it. https://www.projectknow.com/research/gambling-addiction/
Knowing that this will pass and that it is part of recovery made me feel a little better. Make the most you can out of the good days and maybe work on some feel good things for the bad days. A fragrant bubble bath, an easy meditation, a new puzzle to do. Something that makes you feel a little bit better and a little more comfortable in your own skin. Time to rediscover old hobbies or find new ones. But in the end, we just need to get through the day without a bet. Hope today is a better day.
LauraChecking in for a catch up Liz. I find all sorts of history very interesting and dream of touring Europe someday. But with my issues I’ll maybe have to settle for a country or two and that may be over my remaining life time. Not likely in the near future as I’m currently paying for enough. And not to mention still recovering from surgery. It is late for me and I think I have reached the end of my stamina for today. Night Liz. Hope you have a a beautiful day tomorrow. Laura
I remember those feelings well and the desire to do almost anything to forget them 🙁 Chances are you were already feeling bad about some things before the gambling and the drinking got worse and then they just keep adding to each other and new lows seem to be reached. Monica is right. Once you are at a point where you realize how much damage it is doing to yourself and you want to face it, well, that is usually the turning point. I can’t tell you to tell your partner. But I suspect he must realize money isn’t going as far as it should be. Whether it’s to help you “budget better” or “not impulse shop” is there anyway to redirect your pay to your partners account or work on budgeting together, or even just talk about the finances. I started telling hubby a year ago where money was coming and going from and to all the time. Accountability. Especially in the beginning. It is so hard to not just shut that yelling baby up and giving in. But the alternative is worse. Sliding further down the rabbit hole. Hang in there. Counseling would definitely be so helpful if you could get some. Talk to them on the help line here. They may have some ideas for you of free options. Night Lass.
LauraGood to hear the bills are paid and that for today you are feeling contented.
I too accept the fact that I can’t gamble. Because it is almost impossible for me to stop. And only after much suffering and character loss have I been able to do so. I don’t know if I have another recovery in me. I must focus on maintaining my current recovery.
It has been an expensive stressful week. But thankfully being in recovery means my head is present and I am not tempted to try and win my way out of it. Dreaming and scheming. Which usually led to disaster.
thanks for sharing your thoughts. Acceptance today means believing the truth or fact that I can’t gamble.
Good to read your post.
Hi Naomi, good to meet you! And of course welcome to the forum. I’m on day 3 hundred and something after having a 2 and a half year return to gambling. Not full blown because I still had some barriers in place, but progressing. And the lying and other character deficits came right back which was worse. My previous recovery time was 5 and a half years. When i look back i realize part of why I relapsed was due to not staying connected with my recovery tools. This site, I used to attend GA meetings, I was seeing an addictions counselor for roughly two years also. So now I am here. Working on my recovery every day usually if even for a post or two. I am kind, caring, and also have a sense of humour when I’m not too tired or in pain. I deal with health issues that have led to multiple surgeries. I feel like the tools I learned in gambling recovery help me live my life with these challenges as well. I’m of to a physical therapy appointment. I hope to meet you in a chat group as well perhaps. I try and attend the 10 pm (11pm on the days there is no 10pm) London UK time group. I hope you have a good gamble free day. Mindfulness truly does help us appreciate each day, each minute. Take care, Laura
Congratulations and well done on your 9 years Kathryn. Your life has changed so much for the better these past years you’ve spent in recovery. I miss your stories about your adventures as I will likely always have to live through others. I know you must miss your mother so much. I guess it’s a good thing you have a beautiful grandson to help ease the pain of her loss. The next generation so new and innocent!
Thanks for those early days and hours we spent together in recovery. They were priceless and were a part of the strength that helped me get through. Keep reaching for the stars and planning those journeys. I can only imagine where you will be off to next! Recovery looks good on you.
Laura xo
Good to hear Nick. Keep focused. I find daily attention to my addiction in one way or another helps me keep in mind where I want to go, and reminds me of where I don’t want to go. Gambling created a hell for me because I couldn’t s top. I never had enough. It’s nice to be calm and not have that stirring up problems. Have a good evening. Laura
I will pray for your strength as well Liz. What is the other choice besides getting through I often wonder. More gambling will lead to more of the same. Debt and stress! Your 8% is pretty precious at the moment and any lower would be a disaster. It’s good we have each other to vent to a little even if the details can’t be shared. Being lonely is not a nice feeling. Being lonely in the middle of a group of people is even harder. Of course it may be the church, or it may be that it will take people time to approach or make friends. I always stress over things like that. Should I introduce myself, should I wait for them to etc etc. Have patience with yourself and them and maybe try again a few times. Hope you got some good books at the library. Hang tough Liz. Laura
Hi Monica,
sorry, I was posting and posting yesterday but didn’t make it by with the links.
Female Gamblers: http://www.azccg.org/Female_Gamblers.html
Escape Gamblers (which most female gamblers are): http://www.azccg.org/Escape_Gambler.html
I hope you find this info helpful, but I may have sent it to you before.
Enjoy your lovely new clothes. For too long we deprived ourselves because we were spending our money on the slots. These are guilt free new clothes. You probably saved money going shopping lol. I hope the dreams have passed and I’m glad to hear you are feeling a little better in some respects. Talk soon I hope. Laura
Welcome to the forum. I can relate! I couldn’t believe what had become of my honesty and integrity once hooked. I believe the name of my very first thread here was liar liar pants on fire! And boy were they. I have come a very long way since then. My husband knows I have a problem but wasn’t very helpful when it came to actually dealing with it. So I relied on counseling with a gambling addictions specialist, Gamblers Anonymous, and thankfully I also had other family I could rely on. Not to mention all of the time I spent here. Together it all helped me to stop. You are definitely not alone in this. Keep posting and reading. Go back over older threads. The advice there is still bang on. Laura
Hi Pocket and welcome to the forum. You are not doomed and there is hope to have a gamble free future. In the past when you stopped for so long, you gave up football as it was a trigger for you. It caused you urges. I would say that is probably necessary again for a while anyway. This is very difficult to control on our own without any help, but it can be done. I’ve seen it in instances where people have no one they can rely on. Definitely cut up your credit cards and close your accounts as soon as you refinance. If you fill them up again you will find it difficult to pay your expenses and you risk your apartment you have purchased. Close all your betting accounts. Is there any way to ban from the gambling web sites where you are? Transfer unused pay into an account that requires you to go in to the bank to access it. Or maybe start a savings account for the wedding with your girlfriend and put both names on it where you both have to sign to get it out. You have to try and protect yourself from yourself if that makes any sense. Lock in long term savings in an investment. Give yourself time to think. This is an addiction. And leaving yourself access to money to gamble is like a crack addict trying to carry around crack all day.
I would also ask what led you back to gambling? You said it was peer pressure. Do you have something lined up you will say when you face this pressure again? I say I don’t gamble anymore as I just liked it too much and it liked my money too much. And leave it there. A big no thank you if they persist. Think of what you will say that is comfortable for you.
Keep posting and reading here. Attend a group meeting here or talk to the counselors on the help line. You can have a future! Time to fight for it. Take care,
Laura