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It is hard to believe but I managed to let that pain fade so far into the past that it didn’t hold as much threat somehow. I had stayed gamble free for 5 and a half years. For me I know it was that I no longer was using my support systems. I no longer read or posted at GT and hadn’t for probably a year or so anyway. I hadn’t gone to a GA meeting in a year, and probably a year before that one as well. Just to pick up my 4 and 5 year chips and accept handshakes. I hadn’t been attending any sort of counseling for at least a couple years. I had stopped working my step work with a recovery mate. My health was on the downward spiral again and my relationship was right behind it so I was depressed I’m sure and just tired of having to stiff upper lip it all the time and be told that I’m a big baby at the same time. So guess what? Everything was the same as the last time I started. The only thing that saved me from some of the horror of before is that I was on a much shorter financial and unaccounted for time leash. I have managed to put the breaks on again. 1 year. I’ve spent a lot of time of time here in an effort to hold myself accountable. I’ve discussed all details of finances with hubby. It never changed since the last time I gambled. It’s still no worth it. I’m hoping that this time I have finally let the gambler go. Take care Johnny! Good post.
Laura
Hey Maverick. I’ve been attempting to get here to post to you for the past few days. I had been re reading my thread and posts from you at times when I most needed a fella’s perspective were there saying it’s ok everyone goes through rough patches in their marriage and life in general.
It must be hard on you right now having to have big shoulders and no one else to be able to rely on. So you did the right thing. You reached out to your recovery family. To say man I need some support right now. From a distance we may only be able to offer prayers and advice but i believe our love and support can get through. Liz has some good advice. Pick something small and simple and manageable as a 15 minute walk to clear your head. You love your family with all your heart and the thought that you nearly lost part of your family and maybe the part that holds the family together has to still freak you out! And with all of that the little devil that sits on your shoulder is likely telling you to forget about it all for a bit and maybe you can win yourself out of any financial problems. You know he lies like the SOB he is. We have never won our way out so far or we wouldn’t be here. If there is anyone you can ask for help, ask. Whether it’s to help with the kids or meals or whatever they can contribute. Is there any charitable support groups that would help in any way? Health costs even if “covered” still have so many out of pocket expenses. I know there are no magic answers. I hope you are able to regather your strength as I know you will. And after this darkness passes do try to stay positive, hopeful, and grateful for second, third, fourth and umpteenth chances. I’m not surprised to hear that work is focused more on current results than your family’s well being. But I know that you can figure out a healthier way to rejuvinate and refocus. I am praying for your continued strenth. You are a kind man. Take care,
LauraHey Kathryn! I won’t be home for the groups today/tonight at all. I am going out f or Canada Day celebrations and the time is such that I will miss both my group chats on Sunday. Sorry K and hope you weren’t keeping your eyes propped open with toothpicks!! You’ll be ready to sick one of those big spiders on me that I’m so afraid of. Sleep easy K and have a good week in work! Very proud of my recovery girlfriend and how far she has come! xo Laura
Привет, Кэтрин! Я вообще не буду дома для групп сегодня / сегодня вечером. Я ухожу на празднование Дня Канады, и сейчас такое время, что я пропущу оба групповых чата в воскресенье. Извините, K, и надеюсь, что вы не держали глаза открытыми зубочистками !! Ты будешь готов заразить меня одним из тех больших пауков, которых я так боюсь. Спи спокойно, K и хорошей недели в работе! Очень горжусь своей выздоравливающей девушкой и тем, как далеко она продвинулась! xo Лаура
Hi Kathryn, sounds like everything you do is high energy and FUN! Well except maybe the canteen…. I’d just like to do the trip at the end lol. Have you been making a list of different places you’d like to travel? It would be fun picking final destination. I find cushions and rugs, artwork, easy ways to redecorate and brighten up a room. A grand daughter sounds wonderful! I will try and do the group that would be Sunday night for you. Getting a neck cramp lol. Hopefully talk soon. xo
Привет, Кэтрин, звучит так, будто все, что ты делаешь, заряжено энергией и УДОВОЛЬСТВИЕ! Ну, кроме, может быть, столовой …. Я просто хотел бы отправиться в поездку в конце, лол. Вы составляли список разных мест, в которых хотели бы побывать? Было бы весело выбрать конечный пункт назначения. Я нахожу подушки и коврики, произведения искусства, простые способы сделать косметический ремонт и украсить комнату. Замечательно звучит внучка! Я постараюсь сделать группу, которая будет для вас вечером воскресенья. Судорога на шее, lol. Надеюсь скоро поговорим. хо
Hey Johnny, that is pretty amazing stuff. I am doing pretty good after my surgery and no gambling for me either so that IS fantastic. Looking forward to a bit more R&R before going back to work. I’m feeling pretty thankful as well. Good to hear from you!
Have an amazing time. I’m only slightly jealous as you deserve this so much. Stay strong ODAAT xo Laura
Hey Cindy, welcome to the forum. I’m afraid your thread is in the overcoming problems section and usually journals are in th my journal forum. It’s not wrong it’s just i think you got over looked! You are very young to be dealing with this but at least you are also facing it young. There is a lot of wisdom and self awareness in your post which gives me a lot of hope that you will be able to overcome this and have a good and meaningful life. I’m afraid I am heading out shortly or I would write more. Perhaps you can ask the help line to move your thread for you in the morning. They may also have some suggestions for you as to how else to prevent yourself from gambling. Counseling would help a lot as it helps you to build up your strength to resist and gives you tools you can use. Take care, Laura
Hi BBB, sorry just responding now. Sometimes sobriety milestones can be a trigger. If you are aware that is a problem for you then you make sure to put in as many safe guards as you possibly can against it. I battled between addiction and recovery. But eventually I got it. It can take a while to get past the effects of it though so be kind to yourself. And know you have recovery pals here to help along the way. Thanks so much for clarifying Monica! You know what I’m trying to say better than I do lol. Hope your weekend is going well. Laura
Hey Johnny B! I have some time and am going back looking for those names I haven’t seen for a bit. How are things going? Enjoying some summer weather and vacation time? I am coming along after my surgery and am looking forward to Summer finally arriving in my part of the world. Still gamble free. Life has been busy and exciting with lots of possibilities lately. Keep going Johnny. It only get’s better. Laura
Sounds like a very very busy day with lots of honesty and emotion processing. I have no doubt in my mind you will keep moving forward. Your sink hole reminds me of the story about the addict walking down the street with a hole in it. I’ll have to look back and find someone that posted it so I get it right. You probably know the one I speak of. You have figured out how to walk around the hole and avoid it all together. Have a great weekend. When is departure day?
Laura
Hey Johnny! Just checking in to see how you are doing? It’s a good sign when we are too busy with life to gamble. Stay connected to your recovery. It helps to remind us of the story we were living. Hope you are enjoying summer. Take care, Laura
Hope payday was peaceful and you were able to put the money on the bills that needed to be paid. Gambling only makes things worse! And our gambling progressively gets worse! We have to stop the insanity! You mention that you have a hard time at one month. I know my addictions counselor told me one month is a trigger date for most addicts. There are other dates as well. Were you able to do anything to keep your thoughts off gambling? We need to find a new activity or reward to help keep us out of trouble. Keep posting! Stay connected. It helps. ttfn, Laura
Hi Stuck and welcome to the forum. I know I surely felt stuck. Stuck on a self destructing loop. In my brain and in my life. And it was spiraling downward fast.
I finally had to admit I had an addiction to gambling and put in place measures that prevented me having money for gambling. I told a few trusted people in my life who helped manage my finances so I couldn’t just go off the deep end. I had minimal access to money and I was accountable for what I had access to. It just made it easier when I had an urge to go gamble when I remembered I couldn’t. My partner would not accept another minute spent gambling and I decided I didn’t want to end my marriage because of gambling. I wanted to be accountable. I wanted to end the madness and had been told repeatedly here that it would help. And it did. I also spent a lot of time here posting and in chat groups. I went to Gambler’s Anonymous meetings and also went for gambling addictions counseling. I was determined to beat this! And it worked. You can get unstuck! One step at a time. One change at a time. One effort at a time! Laura