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Hey Kman, welcome to this forum. If you truly desire to stop gambling one of the most helpful things is to not have access to money except for a very small allowance. Do you have anyone left in your life who would deposit your pay in their account and give you a small allowance while you fight this. We often have strong urges or withdrawal when we stop and not having access to money can help fight these urges. You need to find ways to put barriers in place. Please don’t make contact with long lost friends in order to hit them up for money as that will only keep the cycle of gambling and shame going. If you had a really good friend amongst them that you think would help you? With stopping not continuing that would be positive. Reach out for any support you can get through your government health services (if in UK or other country that offer these things). Attend a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. Attend group sessions here on the site. let us know how things are going.
take care,
LauraMorning Liz. Sometimes I wonder what I do with my time as I had missed the trouble you’ve been having. So so happy the rest of the gang is on the ball and was here to support you and make sure you knew how worthy you are. Abstaining is white knuckling, passing time but not really changing anything. I think you have learned a lot recently so please don’t look at this as though you have failed. You’ve been learning to stand up for yourself and represent yourself with your family and creditors. Now you need to add more recovery to the abstaining. More tools for the tool box. So that when you are close to being free to make more choices it doesn’t scare you back to gambling. Sometimes change and a more open slate can be scary. Because what do we really fill it with? I’m sure you thoughts go to your husband who you would have loved to travel with. I really hope that counseling and GA help you face all of that. You deserve the best Liz. Well done on moving forward. Progress not perfection. Laura xo
Missed this! I’ve been working on taxes! dreaded paperwork. But got a biggie out of the way. Better to be a “nutter” working for free than where we usually go. Much success with the no smoking. I quit smoking six months after I quit gambling and I think using the same tools and thought processes for both helped immensely. ie triggers etc. I have been smoke free for over 8 years now. I’m sure your pocket book is thanking you for it! It’s really good to see your update Sherrie. You are an old friend in recovery 🙂 Good to hear you are making it! Laura xo
Hey Monica,
I’m playing catch up but happy that we have been connecting some in chat as it keeps me in the loop. You’ve got a lot going on and lots of thoughts going on!GA – every group is a little different it seems from the various descriptions I’ve heard on this site in comparison to mine. There is only one GA group within a two hour radius so my choice is limited. I happened to be very lucky I think in that I had a functional supportive group. Every meeting probably has traditions that people are a little uncomfortable with. I guess it’s a matter of deciding whether the support on the whole is healthy. A supportive group don’t mind small adaptations. Sometimes people in my group will say they have an addiction problem instead of saying they are Compulsive Gamblers. That whole label thing we’ve hashed around before. I liked that we would do the daily reading and then a person could give their thoughts during round table. Sometimes it didn’t fit me and I would voice how I felt about the statement and where I was coming from personally. IE Big shot mentality, although I’ve come to think I did have it in certain ways different than the average big shot gambling bear! it would sound more like they were describing my partner’s behaviour not my own sometimes in the reading! One of our group who often led meetings would say, take the best and leave the rest. In my mid twenties I attended two other 12 step programs that had a different look at things. Al Anon, which is for people who’s spouses have a drinking problem. My husband didn’t have a drinking problem but I thought he had a drug problem and that was the closest thing I had use of. I also started attending Adult Children of Alc0holics which I was, and it comes from a more supportive point of view. Link for anyone who may be interested: https://adultchildren.org/literature/problem/
So, sorry very long ramble to say use the meeting as a tool for you from your perspective. And use the face to face support to help give you what you need!
Counseling sounds good as well. Unresolved childhood traumas can most definitely stay buried under the surface.
Ending on a high note you have made amazing progress Monica. Even all those days you just hung on, you didn’t let it slip away and that was progress. Hugs Monica, hope you have a lovely evening.
Laura
P.S. I slept in, woke up to a lovely clean house. My sister in law stayed for a chat after and what she confided in me helped to melt some of the anger I had been holding on to about the in laws. Even though they constantly snub my husband it turns out that is a greater blessing! Cryptic I know. Chat in group.
Hey Gino,
Deep depression can take away everything joyful and makes an evil bed fellow with addiction. I’m no saying there is any good addiction to have, I’m sure there really isn’t, but gambling addiction is terrible because we can go through money so fast and it can be easier to hide. We also feel intense shame because people feel we should be able to control it. Just don’t do it. But we know and now there is proof that it is addictive, we are just making our own drugs in our brain in the form of chemicals that release when we bet and win etc. You also talk of alcohol issues which I’m sure just makes it all feel worse. And boy you said it when you talk about warped or distorted thinking. I would spend hours figure out ways to buy everything on the cheap and then blow it all in a slot machine in seconds or minutes. We think we are the normal ones and everyone else has the problem. But when we really step back and have a look as you did we can see how crazy it is where this is taking us.
I can’t promise you that you will be exactly the same person you were before you started gambling. But I think you can be all of those things. I also think that we often come out a better person than we were going in. And having an understanding of these types of problems will likely make you a better officer in the end. Very proud of you asking for rehab. You can do this. My GA group would often say, give us 90 days of meetings and if after that you don’t think it made a difference you can have your old life back any time. Take care Gino. Well done.
LauraHey Stephen, well done on drawing the line. No more asking family. Next time you see them tell them NOT to lend you money. That you are in recovery and need to face the financial consequences on your own. I pray that the card is there for you for gas and food. Onward and Upward. Take the next little step. Make the next right choice. That’s how we get there. Try to relax.Try some relaxation techniques as you are likely extremely stressed in yourself. Deep breaths. Face the mirror. Be honest with yourself but do not punish yourself with words. You can over come this addiction. Laura
heya Vera, I’m so sorry to hear about your return trip to hell. Thank god for all the barriers you still had in place and that you didn’t go any further down the rabbit hole. Compulsive gambling is an all or nothing problem. And really I guess the nothing part isn’t the problem it’s when we put our all into gambling that we run into trouble. You had supports that you used before. What about your GA group? They were so important to you. Can you get yourself to a meeting? We have missed your presence and wise words around here. I know how you feel. 5 and a half years I flushed down the toilet. But! I came back and settled back into recovery. And it didn’t take long before it felt like I hadn’t been gone at all. You can do this Vera. Back on that horse that bucked you off. Use your supports, increase the money going to the “safe” fund and not so much for the other. In hindsight you probably realize you had too much money available. But you can change that. What have we always been told and what have we always advised? Build those barriers higher! I know we can scheme but really when we want to stop and stay stopped they do help. Big huggggggggg Vera. I’ve been thinking about you these past few months. You can do this. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Which I gather is the plan or you wouldn’t have been ready to post. Be kind to yourself Vera. xo Laura
Glad to see you made it through another day. The beginning of recovery can be a very painful time where each breath feels as though it is covered in sharp edges and I know I wanted darkness and oblivion. No more pain. You and I had talked in another post about why your GF didn’t want to take over finances and I see you probably answered the why in your post about your mother. She probably didn’t want to stand between you and an addiction you weren’t ready to give up yet. As Charles suggests perhaps your brother could take care of your finances and help keep you safe. But in the end that is only a tool that you can use. The actual recovery is up to the person using a tool. Please reach out to any support system you can find in your location. More tools in your tool box. One on one addictions counseling can be very helpful. Talk to your doc about the desparate place you find yourself and that you are ready to make a change and that you need support! Please hang in there Stephen. Just a little change can lead to big changes. Praying for you.
LauraVery happy to have you back Monica. Sorry the trip wasn’t quite what you hoped for. Next time you will hopefully bring your own company. You are taking the good and leaving the rest behind. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being best friends with an ex or really good friends. Though I think it can be harder when one still hopes there would be more even if they don’t expect it. A difficult rather tormenting spot to be in I would think. Sorry don’t have an answer for that one. And like most things that really involve emotions there is no simple answer.
You are working towards your one year of no gambling! That wasn’t easy but you are doing it. If you still don’t quite feel like your reward trip did the job go looking for something with special meaning as your reward. I bought a beautiful scarf covered in monarch butterflies. It was so bright and gorgeous. And a reminder every time I wore it that I am deserving of special things. Have a good day lovely Monica.
Laura xoMost of the shamefull feelings are long gone. The odd time when money is tight (9 years in) I do think of what I’ve done in the past with a bit of shame. But I shake that off because my new life is nothing to be ashamed of. And ongoing recovery is something to be proud of. As is taking those first hard steps. Every journey starts with those first steps. Anything I can do to help support you is the least I can do! Take care, Laura
Good morning Stephen. I’m glad to read your post. You are here. Not out “there”. I pray that you ask for help where ever you can find it. Here is an article I found re gambling addiciton resources for people in Ireland. https://spunout.ie/opinion/article/gambling-addiction-resources-and-services
It has a couple links and organizations listed where you can go for help. If you need to reach out because you are having urges try to use the groups here if they are open, the helpline here which is open business hours, your local GA contacts, or the phone numbers provided. Post on the forum and hopefully someone is around to post with. You just need to get through today. If that is too much get through the next ten minutes. Then do something else for ten minutes. It is painful when the spinning stops and we face the music. But it can be faced. Thinking of you Stephen. You CAN do this.
laura
Hey James, reading your post and want to say well done on taking your addiction serious and putting in place a lot of things t help you deal with it in a healthy way. I found putting place financial accountability a good tool as well. For a little while I had an allowance and then went to having my account monitored and keeping ALL receipts to account for purchases. No sneaky returns etc. It was what I wanted. It made me feel safer with my recovery knowing I was accountable to someone. Not sure if it was that that helped with urges or the fact I felt so crappy about it all really. But I wanted to put as many hoses on the 4 alarm fire. I too attended GA meetings and went for addictions counseling. Couples counseling should be positive as well. I also was lucky to have close family who supported me. And they where proud of me for dealing with it. I hope you are able to let us know how things are going. Good to meet you and well done on all the measures you are taking. Laura