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Hi Kin, I missed your last post. I’m glad to hear things are going better for you. I hope you can find new ways to reward yourself for an honest days work. Simple things can be a great reward. Cold slice of watermelon on a hot day. A new orchid to set in the window. An afternoon off under a shady tree.
You have certainly broke the pattern. No more insanity. I pray you find all the results you have been looking for.
LauraHi Nick, thanks for posting and sharing where you are coming from. I hope you continue to post to your journal so that you have a record of what you are feeling and going through. So many times I’ve read an old post and been surprised at how I was feeling or what I was doing. It reminds me that I’m willing to sink low. So yes Nick, even though you are currently financially stable, that will not last if you keep gambling. I love how you state you can’t out earn your stupidity! Very true when gambling. There is never enough. I gambled everything til there was nothing left but a big pile of debt. Gambling IS the enemy. And sometimes it will back away and fall silent but it is always there. Waiting for it’s opportunity to gain a foot hold again. Have you ever thought of putting a second name on that savings account? One that you have to go in to make a withdrawal with two people? Anything that reduces your access to money helps.
I wish you much success in ridding your life of this addiction. It is a silent killer. You deserve a much better life than what it will bring. If you think of placing a bet, play the tape to the end in your mind. Broke, destitute maybe, hating yourself, feeling very foolish. And let the urge pass. Take care!
LauraMorning Liz! Wow a robbery, how crazy is that! Yes as you say another reason to stay away from the place. I’m sure there were witness interviews and who knows even future testifying in court! How great that you weren’t there.
I read back a couple posts and had to laugh. I seem to always hook up with odd and quirky people. I often wonder if it’s because I feel less likely to be judged by them or found to be lacking. After all they have their issues right?
I too need to stop taking ownership of other people’s behaviour. Thanks for the reminder.
I have been enjoying the last few days of sun. Today is a day for me to get caught up with some laundry and house work. It takes a lot out of me but needs to be done. I’m hoping my cleaner will be back Saturday to do the floors and bathroom. Starting to keep up!
I hope your GA meeting goes well! Talk soon.
Laura
thanks Monica~! I just asked GT to remove it at well.
Hi Ruth and welcome to the forum. I’ve asked website support staff to remove the advertisement that was posted on your thread!
The feelings you describe including the “itch” that comes with urges is familiar to most of us I would say. I’ve heard it described that gambling on slots and video slots allows us to go into a trance like state where we are away from our concerns and thoughts. And with all of the awful and traumatic things going on in your life it’s not a wonder that you craved that state of being. But it costs us toooo much. Our money, our sanity, our freedom!
Realizing you have a problem and that you need help and support to beat it is a good step. Get a blocker on that other device! What about finding some counseling? Ever thought of going to a Gambler’s Anonymous meeting? Don’t give up on quitting. You are worth the effort.
Laura
Hi Jack, sorry to hear you went back for another go. I’m not surprised. It takes a lot to beat this addiction and we usually don’t have everything in place the first time we try.
As blockers and gamstop were of no use to you, you will have to stop your access to money. A gambling addict shouldn’t have access to $2000. Is there anyway to have your cheque deposited to your moms account so you don’t spend it? If you don’t have access to any money you can’t gamble. No money = No gambling.
But in order to stay stopped you should have some sort of support. I know face to face group meetings seem scary. But they shouldn’t be. It should be a place that leaves you feeling inspired to overcome this addiction. What about counseling? I did both. It helped me tremendously.
Please don’t give up! This addiction will drag you down further than you can imagine. Please fight for your sanity and put as much effort into stopping as you possibly can.
You can be happy again.
LauraHey Stephen,
your post said it all. You need to do this for you regardless. That was when I truly started to recover. The moment I realized I didn’t want a life full of gambling and gambling chaos. And that no matter what happened with my marriage I didn’t want to be a gambler anymore. Period. Please hold on. How are you making out now that back to work? LauraMorning Liz, to answer your previous question yes I have felt lonely even when with people. In my case sometimes I felt lonely when with my husband. Although that has improved a lot in the past several years, it isn’t a nice feeling. I often felt like that around co workers or at a social gathering. Like i’m always the one struggling to connect. Or to keep up a rapport. I can be shy and sometimes my anxiety will leave me tongue tied. But I’m working on it. I’ve made some new friends and they are very accepting of me. They have included me in their very social life and I struggle to make more connections with others.
I’m sure the experiences your friend is going through is bring back all kinds of terrible memories. I lost my father to cancer. 50 years my parents were married. And they were always together. Life goes on but I know she misses him so much each and every day. Hugs Liz. If you find it too hard you may have to tell your friend and put a little distance right now. You are human. I hope you do find a GA group and a different counselor. You are working through some deep stuff. I would tell your eldest about your relapse if you think there is something she can help you with, ie money control, someone to talk to when getting urges etc. But if she will not be part of your recovery support a little voice tells me she probably doesn’t need to know as it will only ever serve as something to be brought up and held against you. Just my thought and I’m sure you will do what is good for you and your daughter. Hope you have a lovely Sunday! Keep working through this Liz. You are getting there, progressing through the different layers of this illness. The road is never straight! Take care, LauraSeems we have all been busy bees! Although I’ve been very lazy and sleeping a lot the past couple days. Doing a lot tends to do that to me! I have my sister in law cleaning for me now which is so lovely. She left the other evening and my house just smelled amazing. I can’t do the hard things like scrubbing floors and bathrooms. If I was gambling I couldn’t afford her! I pay her the same as anyone else. I just keep reminding myself I cannot afford to gamble. Too many recent purchases to pay for and my new lifestyle to maintain hahaha. I don’t have to tell you to keep enjoying that grandson of yours. I’ll be waiting for news of your granddaughter. Proud of you Kathryn. You’ve been doing great. Laura
hi Jessica, welcome back. I’m sorry for the occassion and the break up of your relationship. Breakups can most definitely trigger gambling thoughts and urges. I think even though you knew it wouldn’t make you feel better you were hoping that it would. But you are so right. It won’t make anything better. It may help you forget for a brief period to distract but you’ve been here before and you know what happens next. It will spiral out of control. It will continue to get worse until you lose yourself in the addiction. I’m glad you came and posted Jessica. It helps to get it out. Your GA group will be so glad to see you. No judgement. I’ve been where you are. Don’t waste time reaching out for support. Counseling if possible may be beneficial during this time to help sort feelings of the break up. I pray you find the strength to fight this. Laura
Hey lovely BBB, sorry I missed your last post, but it’s so good to see you are still plugging away at this. 17 days is great! I would say to you to tie up your money so that you cannot gamble. You need to have it for expenses! Pay any bills ahead you can. I’m sorry that I have to run at the moment but didn’t want to miss telling you that I am here reading. I will try and add more tomorrow. Take care. Don’t dig a bigger hole! It’s much harder to get out of!
Hey Stephen, good to see you found the chat and that you have met Monica. A great lady with a really good mind. Right now I think your girlfriend is tired of words. She wants to see actions. Like finding someone else to help with your finances. Going to GA meetings regularly. Not gambling. Going to counseling? I think they even offer email counseling on this site. They used to anyway. Click on the link for one on one help and ask a facilitator. They are open business hours. Change yourself. If she doesn’t think you should need her help well than show her that you were right in that another person can help. It may take some time but if she sees these actions it may make a difference. Not to mention that if you work on your issues, the things that make you feel like gambling, then you will likely be a better person. I will try and go back and read the story. Been busy tackling over due paperwork. But that is another thing about GA. You get to hear real peoples stories. We need to keep an open mind and heart. Hope you had an ok night. Laura
Sorry I missed you. The dog is wanting in and out and in and out. Wondering if there is a storm coming. Or she is trying to convince me to give her the leftover pork chop on the table. lol Yes I think at a certain point we have to forgive the people in our past. Although there are exceptions most people were doing the best they could. But interesting you are still afraid of the dark and felt there was something unresolved? or had I read that wrong? I had a great day today. Lots of me time. But also got the fridge cleaned out and a few flowers I had left from a few weeks ago planted finally. It took me a while to get the spot ready for them it was so full of weeds. I feel like that in recovery. Pulling out the weeds that have grown up while neglecting myself and planting beautiful colourful petunias in their place. Now to fertilize and watch them grow and bloom!
Btw, I was in GA for three years before I did the steps. I felt ready. No time line as far as I’m concerned. It’s 9 years in the fall that I truly started recovery and turning my life around. I haven’t made it through nearly half the steps and it’s been said they don’t even have to be done in order. I am a work in progress just like my life. Bless you Monica. Thanks for your brilliant thoughts on IDI’s post about recovery vs abstinence. Have a good night. I will be heading for a lay down after chat is closed.
take care, Laura xo