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Hey Sherrie,
popping in to see how you are doing. Hoping you had a good weekend.
If you keep trying and making changes you will eventually get traction. And once things start to hold the momentum will begin. Please don’t throw in the towel. I feel you are so close to that point. Where your changes will begin to add together. Keep closing off the access. Strangle the heck out of this monster that lives within us. Because yes, you deserve to have a life free of this and free of the chaos it creates. Please take care of you xo
yes, one day at a time! You are filling your toolbox with the different tools necessary to deal with this. The more complete the toolbox the more effective you can be in dealing with this addiction. Not all tools fit all CG’s but there are a lot of things that have been proven to help. So very well done! You learned an expensive lesson early but truly you are dealing with this at an early phase. It can get a lot worse as you have probably read here. Stay strong! You have the right attitude 🙂
LauraHey Jack,
good to hear you slept well last night. This gambling business sure can haunt our dreams. I am in the same position as you in that I can’t ban from all the establishments. Here we can’t even ban from individual establishments! So I had to have help with my finances. Otherwise I would just get to that point where I would chuck it all. I deserved some fun after all. If you can call what we do fun. Try and tie things up as much as possible so you don’t have free and easy access to your funds. Pay bills as soon as your pay is received so you have nothing left to gamble. That auto pilot tries to take back over and the next thing your walking into an establishment. But not if you have no money. No money = no gamble. Hope you had a good day.
Laurahope you weren’t up half the night Monica! Would be tough to rise for work this morning. I called and cancelled an appointment today for therapy. I didn’t sleep well last night, my energy levels have been sapped, and in all honesty I just couldn’t put my smile on. But, I’m up early. I’m connecting here. I’m drinking my lovely coffee. I have a nasty to do list but one productive day could really put a dent in it and get it off my back. Anyway, didn’t mean to hijack your thread for my moan. I will be fine I’m sure. Can’t be upbeat all the time. That just wouldn’t be natural. Have a good week! Laura
Hi Critias, hope you enjoy your time away. Try not to stress about unforseen expenses. I know, easier said than done. Just take it a day at a time. When you start recovering financially you’ll have to look at what you can do to protect your money. It keeps us from going into total destruct mode in face of a relapse. Hopefully you’ll find someone you can work in a counseling capacity soon. It all helps. Catch you in group one evening maybe. Take care, Laura
So good to hear! I will continue to say prayers for your niece.
Have a good rest of the week xo Laura
Dear Liz, you are definitely not being complacent. You are doing your best to deal with the creditors. It takes a lot of strength and courage to get through this and I know anxiety levels can soar. Hugs Liz wishing you lots of strength. One day at a time. xo
Welcome to the forum KC. Your first post could be a line in the sand. No more gambling. We have said that to ourselves many times. Truth is when we are in the middle of this addiction we can’t seem to stop ourselves. No win is big enough. We are addicted to the thrill of winning. Not the money that we take out. When we stop winning we chase that feeling. When we lose all our money chasing the feeling we then chase our losses trying to get them back. We cannot control ourselves!!
You have been brave in the past and told your wife and parents. You have been lucky that your wife continually forgave you. But there will come a day where she won’t. Where your gambling will cost her something she truly wants like a child. Or you won’t be able to provide for your child the way she would like. We really hurt the ones we love.
Kathryn is right! I too took the advice when I stopped gambling to give finances to someone I trusted to take care of. I was given a daily allowance for lunch etc. I had to provide receipts for purchases to show where any other requested money went. Such as gas or grocery shopping.
I also told family members NOT to lend me money. I chose to tell my sisters that I had a gambling problem and that was why I didn’t want any money. Because I would gamble it!! Or use it to cover my gambling tracks!!
You can have a good future. But you have to decide that you will put every effort into outsmarting your gambling brain. Because when it decides it wants to gamble if you haven’t taken measures it is hard to argue with it. It will tell you that you can win again just one more time. And the cycle will continue.
Find yourself some support. An addictions counselor, a Gamblers Anonymous group, the facilitated group chats here. It takes a lot to beat this. But your new life is worth the fight!
Keep posting.
take care,
LauraMorning Liz. Kathryn’s post gets to the heart of things. We got to these bad financial places by continuing to think we could change the result by gambling one more time.
It seems the rules are different everywhere. Here home equity loans are low interest because you have something they can take if you default. Bettie may have some insight as she is in the states and has some financial experience in this area. But sounds like you have a starting point with your car. It’s good that you can get lots of points of view from everyone here. You never know what may help.
This is so stressful!
Hang in there Liz. One step at a time you will find your way through this. Laura
How are you doing Metoo? Once we are a compulsive gambler we are always a compulsive gambler. We need to stay stopped. Any chance you can find someone to help you with your finances? Can you tie your savings up so that you can’t access them? Cut up credit card! Drastic steps need to be taken! Try a group here or talk to someone on the help line. What country are you in? It helps with the advice about different barriers or supports that may be available. You are not alone. Take care,
LauraHey Jack,
welcome to the forum! Good to read you haven’t sold anything or borrowed anything looking for your next fix. I too blame stuff in my life. But truth is I know where gambling takes me and it’s up to me to put things in place to stop. The aftermath is never fun! take care,
LauraThat is a common trait among CG’s. Being frugal. Actually, it’s because once we have a gambling problem we refuse to spend “gambling” money on silly things like a nice cut of meat or a quality piece of clothing. We need that money free to obtain our fix. We are addicted to the chemical release we get when we win! Not the cashout. Once it’s cashed out it is only exciting if we think about using it again for gambling. For that possible thrill of a big win! Once we become a CG we can no longer control ourselves for any amount of time. Because we want that feeling just one more time. And one more time. You were recovering your finances fairly quickly last time you stopped. You can do that again. But, being a CG you need to also address the addiction and not just stop playing. There are groups that you can do here on the site. What about going to an addictions counselor? Or attending Gamblers Anonymous meetings if there are any near you? It takes a lot of support and effort to stop and stay stopped. But it is worth it. Keep posting.
LauraHi Stay and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are ready to put in place the things that are needed to stop! Giving up control of your finances is a great step. At least the bills will get paid and you won’t be able to cause more damage that way. Do you have a couple people you typically borrow from when you want to gamble? I would borrow from my sisters. I told both of them I have a gambling problem. Please don’t give me any money as I can’t repay you. I had my finances managed as well. Have you thought about getting some counseling and or attending a Gambler’s anonymous group? It helps to have as much support as possible. Some people find knowing why they gamble helps them in recovery. Others don’t know why, or gamble for every reason possible and so knowing isn’t necesarily as much of a focus. It can be so hard in the beginning to stop. But, if we put as much effort into stopping as we did into playing we can do it. Well done on the steps you are taking. Laura
is your best barrier your current job or have you added something else that isn’t all that popular? Making less and paying your debts is better than making more but running to the casino for stress relief. You sound good! Keep it up 🙂
LauraYour ride to rock bottom was a fast one and you have hit very hard. I will tell you that it can get even worse. For some it leads to homelessness, insanity, jail or death. Telling your parents is going to be very difficult but what else can you do? You could lie or steal but that would only make things worse. I had to tell my husband when I had indebted us so much we would lose our home. I had been sick with worry for weeks since I realized I had reached the end of the financial road. I said it straight out, plain and honest. I have a bad gambling problem that I have been keeping a secret. I told him the financial damage with no sugar coating. I said how sorry I was and that I understood if he left me. But I knew I needed help or my life was never going to be anything but poverty and gambling. And part of getting help is being truthful to those we have financially hurt like this. So that we never put them in the place to hurt them again.
Can you get an addictions counselor?
Can you go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting?
Can you find someone to help you with your money so that it goes where it is supposed to and not to a casino?
Can you get some financial advice?These are things that may help you get through this tough time. We all make mistakes. No one asks for this addiction. If you would have known what would happen you never would have bought that first ticket. But you can recover. You can have a future. Your son can have a father in his life.
How are you doing today?
Laura