[female g]

right now Liz what seems to be my biggest motivation is not letting my hubby, Doctor and children down. I wonder if I removed that would I be able to stop myself from gambling. I can’t say 100% that I could do it if it was just about me.
I am glad that I have decided to let it be them be why I won’t gamble and i will continue on working on it being just for myself. That will take much more work I think.
I have always done everything for everyone else outside of gambling, it was the one thing I did for myself. Why did it have to be such a destructive thing I got into.
How do I find something that I do entirely just for me.????FG

[female g]

Thanks so much for those kind words. The one thing i hold dearly is my own truth. I have tried very hard to at least be honest with this addiction. I have always been compelled to try to take care of my commitments and it sure hasn’t been easy and certainly not without consequence.
Lately I feel that paying dept isn’t a whole lot of fun and certainly not exciting because it takes the fun out and puts the hard work in. It is my reality and I must fight through it
The good part is that I am down to 7 thousand on one of the loans from 12 in this past 3 1/2 months and I shaved off another 1 thousand of line of credit. Along with mortgage payments and car payments . I even managed a few skin treatments as well. You think that all that effort would leave me feeling good about not gambling but not entirely. hope I can find a way to work through this dilemma.
Hubby is trying to find ways to replace the lack of excitement I’m experiencing but sex every few days in’t going to cut it haha. FG

[female g]

the struggles of life can keep us busy enough to avoid gambling for a bit but it seems to tell our brains that when we do haves urges we think we deserve the excitement after all we work so hard that we deserve a night out. That is my hardest thing to get past. It hit me hard last Sunday and I thought i was done for. My husband stood up to me and I was able to get past the urge. I’m a bit worried though what might happen next. hope i have the strength to stay gamble free. I have 31/2 months behind me so far. Hope the demands that life present don’t lead you to gamble Laura. Stay focused and gamble free. FG

[female g]

have you looked into getting help before???
There are a few things you can do right of the bat. These barriers can prevent you from further financial failure and stop you from gambling at least until you can stop yourself from gambling. At least that should be the goal.
First if you go to the casino you ban yourself from going. 2cd tear up credit cards. and have debit set up to only use to pay for what you need. 3rd if you feel safe enough talk to your wife and give her info on this addiction. Get involved in meetings, find a support person. My biggest urges hit when I have extra cash on hand I find. Most of my money is tied up so that I can’t do any real damage anymore that takes the pressure of. I talk to my hubby alot and he has been a big supporter. I had a very bad urge the other night and I had told myself that I was going to go no matter what my hubby had to say about it. For the first time doing what I had done many times before changed and I listened to him basically telling me what I knew to be true. We argued for an hour and then I felt the urge begin to weaken and let it go altogether. That was real progress for me and now I can remain gamble free for another while. I have 31/2 months in recovery and have decided I didn’t want to let my hubby down after all the support he has offered me. I have gambled 16-17 years very heavy at times and lighter at other times and none at all at times. I have had 5 sessions of hypnosis this time and do believe it has made a difference and it may even be why I was able to prevent myself from a slip , if not completely at least partly. hope this helps you and i hope the job will work out for you too. FG

[female g]

I do agree with you on all points.
I was very surprised that allowing the urge to fade was exactly what happened. It faded and I was able to get past it. This really was the first time I truly understood that urges as strong as it was ( 10 out of 10) can in fact be overcome. Good to experience that feeling I think. I was so mad and annoyed that he was holding me back at the time and tried every excuse in the book but he stood stead fast and we worked our way through it .
I think I can do this and will tell my doctor (March 2cd) about this. I will not gamble for hubby mostly right now because I can’t let him down. FG

[female g]

Oh man that was close, just about blew it but got through it. I am surprised because had this happened in the past i would be sitting at a machine right now. My hubby really did help me through it and it finally diminished about an or so later. SCARY!!!
I think the hypnosis helped too on an unconscious level too.
In the end I’m trying to journal and return to some sort of normalFG

[female g]

Just wondering how you are doing. I won’t go into it in great deal since I wrote in my journal about it and if you want you can take a read. I just wanted you to know I came close tonight to gambling. Thank goodness i found strength through my hubby and his effort to prevent me from going. It was a long drawn out process but in the end no damage was done. yikes.
hope your finding the strength you need too at this time FG

[female g]

where did that come from, a massive urge reared its ugly head this evening and had me reeling out of control.
I had a wonderful meal at a favorite restaurant and the best birthday cake ever. Some thoughtful gifts from my family and a lovely evening all round . So WHY!!!
I came home and decided that I wanted an evening out with excitement and since my hubby was tired and was going to bed. I should go. I worked it all out. I decided to approach it like this, I was rehabilitated after all and wanted to test the waters so to speak. I felt that once every 3 months I could go for a night of excitement. No more no less. I was convinced this would be ok and presented the proposition to my hubby. I argued that it wouldn’t matter what he would have to say because I was going to go with or without his blessing. CRAZY !!!!
We battled it out for about 1 hour and then the urges started to pass. He rallied around me and I talked about needing some sort of excitement replacement and we talked about things that could change to improve how I was feeling and ways that could help improve the situation. It passed and I was able to feel it pass and for now I agreed to continue on not gambling if not entirely for myself but for him. It is too important that I never go back. After tonight I’m not sure what I am capable of. So I didn’t want to make promises that may be broken. He will be willing to do more with me that is different and that offers some sort of excitement and that should make a real difference I think. Lets see, time will tell.
Even though i felt failure and shame I am glad we worked through the feelings and didn’t let it get in the way of my recovery for today at least. FG

[female g]

thanks love the support and I see how much positivity you put into your posts. I love to hear that. I will try to always do my best and am glad that the weeks and months are adding up.
Life is better with gambling no matter how stressful life is at times. Last day of the week and tomorrow I get to celebrate my birthday at one of my favorite restaraunts. Excited :0) .

[female g]

oh boy your so right i am blessed to have him be a important part of my life. Yes I will remind myself to do that often.
I had such a stressful night last night that it reminded me of my early days in this job. I was overwhelmed in ways I remember when i first started as a bartender. Very weird. Thank goodness that is over with FG

[female g]

I would gather the funk is a result of your slip, this too shall pass my friend. Let it go and continue to do what you know is best and all will be ok.
Funny the weather here was 14 C and it was glorious. We set records today. it would translate to about 45-50 I think and in the month of FEb. its unheard of.
It must have been very frustrating trying to do your taxes on a computer that was incompatable with the program. Ill leave it to my hubby haha.
Enjoy your time with friends and enjoy a gamble free weekend FG

[female g]

well not to much damage done thankfully but don’t let that be the thing that allows you to do it again ok. Time to reaccess your boundries and get back to dealing with recovery.
I hope you can see that this is a slippery slope and never comes out well for Cg’s Let it go and start again with more determination . You have what it takes so don’t let gambling take it away. FG

[female g]

trying to chill a little and excercise more often. Trying to find where my comfort zone lies and how to manage time in a more positive way. Allowing myself to find balance that comes from not gambling isn’t always easy. I was always nervously finding ways to pay my dues for my gambling and it left me always over compensating in my day to day. It would make my self worth feel better if I could somehow make up for my flawed personality. Not so necessary anymore.
I missed one of my hypnosis appts and felt very worried about it and thought it would be the end of my sessions but as it turned out my Doctor was very good about it and promised to do as many sessions that I wanted. I used the last session i had as a way to end it for now and while I was under i started a bonfire and through it all into the flames. Done for good i hope. But knowing how this addiction can rear its ugly head I will go for a follow up in a month and see how things are going. Its good to know my doctor is there for me and that i can depend on his support FG

[female g]

so hard sometimes waiting for the urges to pass, glad you were able to talk yourself out of the danger looming. Well done.!!!

[female g]

Glad the changes your making are starting to feel good. Working through the issues we all have is so very important and the knowledge you gain is a powerful tool to improve life. FG

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