[female g]

had a nice swim and a hot tub. I will sleep well. I think i might try counting up the days ahead day 3 and I’m grateful to be alive. FG

[female g]

yes we are alike , we gamble and make excuses and promises over and over again. We both must stop the BS and get to doing what must be done once and for all. QUIT FOR GOOD That is my plan
Ihad a interesting situation tonight I’d like to share.
I went to a fund raiser for my best friends son who is in a 2 year recovery program for drugs. I really supported the idea of sending him there and was as helpful as I could be.
Anyway the night before Hubby and I prayed for recovery and God’s intervention. That being said just out of the blue my best friend called me over and wanted me to meet this girl who just happened to be cg too. no one new each other and suddenly i was opening up to her and admitting my addiction. She explained that she had lost everything but was in recovery for a year in a half gamble free. She quickly offered her support and asked me to take her # which I did. With in minutes we formed a bond, hugging telling truths very rarely uncovered. It took place all within no time at all i opened up to my best friend for the first time admitting the truth about my addiction. I had been afraid to tell her because I doubted her ability to be supportive. I have been her closest friend for years but at that moment I felt closer to a complete stranger. i have never relied on others in this way but feel that it might be the right thing to do at this point. She says she believes in paying it forward and has offered unconditional support. Answer to prayer I think. I am going to believe in myself enough to make it and I believe in you Vera to make it as well. No more giving away what rightfully belongs to us and our recovery. Lets make life matter and find healthy ways and simple ways to enjoy the rest of our lives ok FG

[female g]

hoping recovery will bring back a normal happy and productive life. I too have had a few major setbacks but am ready to put everything possible in place to prevent me from becoming lost forever. My brain is overloaded with a desire to quit and I am going to do all I can to quit this addiction I have to gambling. I am putting up every barrier possible this time and trusting that I can rely on my hubby for full support. I am openly talking about my thoughts and feelings too. Try that it might help. I am going to identify my weakest moments and try to talk through those moments before my brain won’t give way to anything else but the urges. Urges are so powerful that you must try to get ahead of them I think. Look for patterns that might lead you to gambling and avoid them. If they are in places you frequent stop going to those places or you will give in too urges, that is a given. Give it all you got Steph and you can do it. Just day 1 again for me but success lies ahead. FG

[female g]

hey friend I too have just returned from another nightmare in the casino. I hope its my rock bottom and that I never return to a casino again. What it has cost me is ridiculous. i could have paid for a house by now I think. Emotionally I hurt inside but restrain myself from showing anyone I love the impact it has on me. I have only myself to blame but I know with the right advice and follow through I can change and so can you. We are the 30 percent of gamblers that keep them in business and we just keep handing over our funds in hope of hitting the mother of all jackpots which just isn’t there for us. Oh sure people win every now again but the majority just put in back in trying to get more the next time. Only the folks who come once in awhile are able to leave with winnings, that’s the other 70 % not us. I am going to stop this insanity once and for all and start living life without gambling. You can too by learning what it is you need to do to prevent yourself from going. This forum is a good place to start but you must do much more to regain control of your life. Seek help councilling, tie up your money, cut up cards and reach out to people able to help you that are close to you. Get them info on what a compulsive gambler is so they know how to help you. Answer the 20 questions and share the info with your loved ones ( if they are capable of helping) try to find replacement activities that you enjoy that aren’t destructive. Keep busy and tie up your time. N one is without value or a complete failure. We got caught up in a destructive habit and like any habit it too can be broken. One day at a time my friend one day a time. Hoping and praying for yours and mine recovery and for all others out there who find themselves suffering from this addiction FG

[female g]

so I had another fall and blew it again. I stayed for 12 hours and blew a lot of money again. I texted my hubby that I had gone so that he wouldn’t worry. At least he would know where I was. He had my debit card so he probably wasn’t too concerned I would spend much money. Little did he know I had gotten another debit card and wa able to access alt of extra cash. I had intended to leave the card home on thursday and had forgotten too (really). I finished up early though and the urges fired up and once I had made the decission I was determined and mentally unable to even want to call my hubby for help. So I went and for awhile i was having fun not loosing much at all and even ahead a bit but it wan’t good enough I was determined to win big and the then of course I starting loosing and got into a frenzy. I wad done for and couldn’t stop until the funds ran out. I spent another 3500 and got home as my hubby was returning from work. He was fine about it and never really had much to say to me which at the time made it easier for me. We talked a bit and then I tried to get some sleep without success. I got up and jut sat and started to process what I had done. I knew I would have to tell him the truth because the quilt would be worse for me. After awhile he returned from the store and gently acknowledged my failure to stop going once again. He was kind about it and that led me to telling him that yes I had failed once again and had incurred a big dept again. I was honest about it to a point. I wasn’t able to tell him about the debit card but was able to close up my ability to access cash from my line of credit. Thank God for that. I did say I found a way to get the money but I didn’t want to tell him how I did it. He didn’t pressure me about it. We talked a long time trying to come up with more ways to help me stop. He will even come to my work on thursday nights to keep the demons at bay. I thanked him and he said that he expected me to fail more and that until I get to my doctors appts he would be understanding. I won’t allow any more failures knowing that he is really on board to help me. I have succeeded before for along time and I can do it again. I am back to one day at a time and will try to not go back ever. I have decided to ban myself again too and hubby will go with me. He mentioned there have been law suits against casinos for letting in those who self ban but I feel its my responsibility and not theirs really. I told him that if I wasn’t working I would seek a treatment program as well. I hope this won’t come to that. I looked for some councilling too, but nothing in my area really so I will do further research. I am going to do more hypnosis too on line and pray with Hubby every time we see each other. i feel that if I do that it will keep his head in my recovery. I am sick of failing at this. FG

[female g]

I was banned already and that is why I don’t want to do it again. I feel like it would solidify the truth I.m fighting perhaps. Sorry Harry but the humiliation isn’t making it any easier for me right now.FG

[female g]

to be honest I had an extra busy 2 weeks in a row and got enough to make it worth while going and just told hubby I worked really late one night. That was the lie!!
enough with that, on the up side, I did another hypnosis session and am hoping it will help. When I did this for smoking many years ago it took 6 sessions before it worked. So I’ll keep at it for at least that many times. Once a week should do it.
At least I’m wanting to try what I can at this time. I have no money if I want to get the dept repaid that should keep me out of the casino too. At least I hope so…FG
Thanks Vera for checking in and I hope your ok as well

[female g]

had another set back, and am trying to pay back what I spent. I am hoping I can get it paid back so that I don’t have to face the music. I won’t risk telling my hubby that I went a second time. He gave me another chance so I am afraid if he found out It might be the last straw. I hope that the fear I’m feeling will be bad enough to keep me away. I hope so.
I am going to try a few more hypnosis sessions while I wait for my doctors appts. I’m so pissed with myself right now for choosing to go. I can get passed this in time as long as I can keep paying this off. It will take me about 3 months to get back to where I was. 🙁 Why is this so hard???
I have never had to face anything as hard as this madness.
Being a survivor I find it hard to believe this is the thing that could take me down.
I looked into a councillar but haven’t had much luck yet.
I have so much good in my life, its hard to believe I am risking so much to feed this addiction.
I am going to try harder to fight back though, because I want to come out on top and not give into this mind bending urge to gamble. FG

[female g]

thanks for that !!!
I feel bad that you have to work so hard at your relationship with your mom but glad you got the nicer side for a change.
It seems that you are working hard to be the best mom you can be for your daughters. They will be happy and so will you.The lessons in life can be hard for sure. The real great take away is in an odd way she has made you want to be the better mom to your girls Right ?

[female g]

just did my first session of hypnosis on line. I will try this for awhile and see if it is working. Interesting and worth a try. Its very relaxing and hopefully the power of suggestion will work for me. I am free from gambling!!! FG

[female g]

Not sure why, but I am feeling abit down. Perhaps its aftermath from gambling and loosing alot last Wenesday. I will feel better once I pay down the loses. I am happy to say I am able to pay 500 this week. I am not feeling any urges at this time and hope not to. I just want to get passed this mistake as fast as possible. I was quite busy this week and didn’t get a chance to look into a therapist. I’m not convinced I’ll follow through on that but I will certainly follow through with hypnotherapy. I have 3 sessions booked into November and December. I think I can hold on until then.
I had a great day today. I went to pick up my grand daughter early from school and we went to a farm with a friend and her grandson. We all had fun and then after the grand kids left we and our friends had a great meal together. And after they left hubby and I watched a movie. It was an overall great day so I am not sure what has me feeling low. Tomorrow we will celebrate my sister inlaws birthday and have more family time. So I hope to let what ever it is go and just concentrate on all the good things in my life. FG

[female g]

how old is your mom?? could it be early onset alziemers? Check the symptons ? My father in law was really miserable in the early stage of the desease.
Glad your girls were sending love your way when you ewally needed it.
The casino lost instead of you !!!

[female g]

as a cg I know that I have often taken advantage of my hubby”s compassion and love for me. It never serves me well, because its too easy to take either the money, the acceptance and run right to the casino. On the other hand though when I have gone way over board and know i have taken full advantage of every angle I need the compassion to just continue with living . Its what I need to start again.
I resent the tough love approach but it at the same time it has saved my bank account and me I guess. It is complex to be a cg and to trying to figure out what works can change on a dime. Going to stop the ride all together and just quit gambling is what I need to do. FG

[female g]

first thanks Bettie for your support and helpful words.:)
What I hate about gambling??? EVERYTHING!!!!
The other night I fell off to sleep and woke up tossing and turning. Then thoughts starting running through my brain about the effect of this addiction is and has had on me over the past 15 years.
I decided to try to put these thoughts and feelings into words that I or anyone else, the slightest bit interested can reflect on.
What has gambling taken from me??? I will list as many take aways as I can
1- Lots of my time
2-lots of my money
3-my control of my life
4-my true self
5-my ability to make good judgements
the things it has caused me to do
1- to lie or deny (only in regards to amounts spent or times went)
2-to be sneaky (to facilate gamblng)
3-to overspend ( to overlook the value of money)
4-to risk my safety ( driving home with very little sleep)
5-to risk relationships( taking advantage of loved ones ignorance to the addiction)
6- To be weak ( giving in to urges)
What I have come to realize
1- first and foremost I need to quit gambling
2- This is something I can no longer control alone.
3-A want to be done with this.
4-Its ok to ask for help
5-The necessity to quit
What will I do next?
1- get help and stop depending on me, myself and I
2-make arrangements to do hypnosis.
3-go for counselling
4-call on my supportive husband
5- just do what I can but do it well
6- don’t stress over dept repayment
So these are some of my thoughts and beliefs, and I am in this fight for all the right reasons I believe. I no 100% that I am addicted to gambling but I don’t have to ever go again.I know that without gambling I am a very happy and complete person. Its gambling that distorts who I am and I no longer want to let it change me. I want to be my best self from here on in. I think I have come to see that nothing good ever comes from gambling.
I have this saying I’ve said for years, it goes like this ” The Lord gave me big work hands and big feet because he knew I would need them to work hard my whole life.” My life has been good through my hard work and I should be satisfied with it. Chasing dreams and false hopes have only ever left me disappointed. So my revelation is no easy peasy way for me, just hard work will be right for me. I am always fulfilled when I’m working and doing this or that is the best way.
I am done with this for now and forever I hope. FG

[female g]

O man,
I just have a minute to tell someone the ugly truth. I gambled again and spent a lot of money 🙁
Stayed up all night and now I have to go to work with 1 hr sleep
I surely have lost it.FG

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