Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I always had a dream that I could win it all. The dream turned into a nightmare because I was in a delusion. Forcing me to the first step will help me to feel better with myself. I know that I cant continue like this. I got thrown out last dec at my gf house over gambling. Almost a year ago and couldn’t stop if I had a gun pointed at me. That is so sad. I needed to face reality not a fantasy like winning the bank. Day 1 seems like a forever sentence because you feel gambling is natural like drinking a cup of coffee but it can destroy everything and does not give you anything back but lost dreams.
Sometimes you look in the mirror after you blew all your money gambling it all away with one bet at a time and hate what you see. A real reality that doesn’t go away. It was pretty bad. I blew my rent money 3 times but the first 2 times I got bailed out by friends. That didn’t help at all. That just showed me that I can have people who were feeding my addiction so bad. The last time I blew all my money. I ended up in the homeless shelter for 2 and half weeks until a new friend let me stay with her rent free for a week until I get paid again. That was so nice of her but I hit rock bottom. Which I needed to do in a way. That showed me a lesson that I will always remember. I always thought I could be on top if I laid down one more bet but all I was doing was throwing my life away with the roll of the dice. I couldn’t stop myself even if my life was on the line. I don’t know why I could be so stupid. I knew the consequences but I couldn’t stop myself from throwing it all away. I wish someone would of grabbed me by the hand into treatment because that is what I needed at the time…..