[Exhausted12]

I appreciate your words.

I am still very stressed about my poor decisions. I have about 2 K left to my name which will get through until next month. Then I don’t know what I will do. It sickens me to think about it..I will have maxed out a 10K line of credit..I am really scared to tell anyone, but I know people can tell that I’m not well. I’ve been avoiding people as much as I can. I’ve always had thoughts of suicide, but never been able to follow it through. I’ve been standing on top of a bridge, but couldn’t jump. Then my attempt to hang myself a week ago, but I freaked out when the pressure on my neck started to become intense. I’d like for natural causes to just end it for me to be honest. 

[Exhausted12]

I appreciate your support. I have never felt so helpless. I honestly don’tt know what I am going to do financially. I am in a constant state of anxiety and I am barely eating. I had very low self esteem before this and now it’s even lower then before. It is sad that as a grown man, I have done this to myself and others. How did you get through the initial stages? I have never had a strong desire or passion for life. To be honest, I would end my life if I wasn’t too scared to do it to myself. Some have said that I need to find a new passion, but my anxiety and self worth are so low that I don’t have the energy to do anything. I don’t even like leaving my apartment or going anywhere public. School has been very challenging and I feel my recent choices may jeopardize my chances of finishing. I really hate being like this…

[Exhausted12]

I have been on antidepressants twice and been through a lot of counseling for depression. I’ve never let my impulses get the best of me like I have done recently. I feel very ashamed of myself. Which I know that I should feel ashamed of my actions. I just don’t know where to go from here. 

[Exhausted12]

I just found this site tonight and after reading your post, I empathize with you man. I just had 15 K US that I could’ve cashed out and paid off my line of credit, but Ive gambled it away in 48 hours and now my line of credit is pretty much maxed out. Its sickening even reading this as I type. I’m about 6 years older than you, but I’ve been sports gambling since I was 18 and I wish I never placed my first bet. Quitting smoking was WAY easier than trying to stop this. We can do it though…day by day. I’ve always hidden this behavior from others around me and I feel that in order to heal, I need to come clean with people around me. Do you talk about this with close friends or family?

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