[evelyn91]

Hi Velvet,

Thank you for your supportive words! I’ll try to attend the Friends and Family talk on Tuesday. Thursdays are not good for me because I’m working at that time. I just talked to some friendly and helpful people in the drop-in group though. I don’t want to lose hope, but it’s being increasingly difficult to take this stress. At this time we’re in a long-distance relationship, he’s in his country where gambling is illegal. He expects me to assist him by placing bets in the local betting shop by sneaking out during worktime and either using my own money or taking debts. Unfortunately I gave in many times. I’m very sensitive to stress and I felt like I have to buy some mental peace like this, he can be VERY persistent when he wants to gamble. Even though he manages to give back at least a portion of the money he takes from me by taking debts from elsewhere or lying to his family, I still don’t want to participate in this. I don’t want gambling to be part of my time. I don’t want to ask anyone to give me money ever again and I want to spend my salary however I see fit. I don’t want my bank account to be already dried up soon after salary day and I hate to live from paycheck to paycheck. He believes that there’s nothing wrong in asking me to bother people for money ‘as the money will be given back, everyone needs help sometimes’ but I feel extremely guilty about taking money from others by lying. In my country it’s considered extremely shameful to ask money from anyone, it’s taboo even in many families. I don’t want to bend down and feel humiliated anymore. I want him to make serious efforts towards recovery, or if he’s unable to,at least break up gracefully, without this and emotional torture. It feels like mental warfare and I wonder if he’s doing this to me on purpose.

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