[Emma8]

I just wanted to jump back into my journal to share a quick update and speak to anyone in the very early stages of their journey.

You’re at the stage where it feels impossible to get out of this deep dark hole. You feel stuck. It does get better.

For the first few days I found myself checking the forum every half an hour, desperate for someone to talk to and help me through the unbelievable urge to gamble again. It helped so much being able to read the stories of other people going through the exact same thing. Stick with it, these days are the most important!

Over the first couple of weeks I settled into a rhythm of checking up on myself every couple of hours. If I felt the need to gamble I paused and thought about it instead of jumping straight into the casino. I came into the forum. I occupied myself with other activities. I also kept an eye on my bank account as it (very slowly) started to look a little healthier. It started with having £20 sitting there and teaching myself not to gamble it away immediately and it grew from there.

Once the first month had past I realised that I was thinking about gambling less and less. On the days I did I came here, but most of the time I was able to change my direction of thought without too much effort.

Now, at three months gambling free, I don’t think about gambling very often at all. When I do, I immediately remind myself how much better I feel without it.

Today I have £500 in my savings account. I know it’s safe and it’s there for a real emergency. The thought of going to the shops doesn’t fill me with dread in case my card doesn’t work. When someone mentions going out I don’t have to work out my bank balance in my head based on the deposits that I know have still to be withdrawn.

It does get better. You do grow. Use the support around you and take things one day at a time.

[Emma8]

I’m so glad to hear that you’re finding other stories helpful. I was the exact same when I started. The longer you stay away from gambling the more progress you will see and the stronger you will feel 🙂

[Emma8]

I love that outlook on things! Each bad habit is hole in the bucket that needs plugged and the fewer the holes the healthier my finances will be. It is taking me a while too because my income is quite low, but the progress is happening and it’s so exciting to see. I’m actually looking forward to things like christmas and other big events over the next year or so because I know I’ll be able to enjoy them without worrying about money. It’s such a nice feeling!

[Emma8]

Just checking in after disappearing for a while and I’m so glad to see you’re heading towards a full month 🙂

The barriers might have done the job last week, but that’s what they’re there for. Sometimes willpower disappears, for everyone at some time or another, and we need those extra steps to protect ourselves.

The barriers feel like a crutch right now, keeping you upright, but their training you away from gambling. Each day you’ll need them a little less and eventually you’ll stay away from gambling purely of your own accord 🙂

Keep going, I’m so happy to see how well you’re doing!

[Emma8]

Just to check in and share that I am feeling stronger each day. I’ve now been gambling free for almost two months and it feels amazing. My bank account is recovering too which is wonderful to see. Just need to keep going!

[Emma8]

Oh I completely agree! Blocks are on at home so even if I was to try and gamble I wouldn’t be able to.

When I’m not at home the best approach I can take is to be open with my phone usage. I used to try and hide my screen as much as possible when I was gambling so I know that if I want to avoid relapsing I need to avoid any secretive use. 

Otherwise, I just need to be vigilant and keep going.  

[Emma8]

I can’t believe I missed the one month mark! The last two weeks have been insanely busy and I completely forgot to check in and celebrate.

It’s a weird feeling. When I first joined gambling therapy I was struggling so much to stay away from gambling and now I often forget that it’s a thing.

I’m not naive. I know I’ll probably face some big hurdles in the future but for the moment I’m doing well and that makes me so happy 🙂

[Emma8]

That’s so funny, I was just about to start writing another post about this!

Work has been busy for me over the last couple of weeks (I freelance) and the site of money staying in my ***** for days at a time without it disappearing to a casino is really keeping me going. Beyond that, I’m comfortably paying my loan payments and I’m starting to look at overpaying. That has never been possible for me before!

I’ve only been gambling free for three and a bit weeks but I’m already seeing a huge change in my life and it’s incredible.

Also happy to report that I have a counselling session booked at noon today. It’s to talk about everything, not just the gambling, but it’s all connected isn’t it?

Feeling very very positive today 🙂

[Emma8]

Well done on self-excluding from so many sites 🙂 I’ve found that a lot of them are owned by the same company, so when you self exclude from one it actually covers several.

How are you feeling now that three weeks has passed?

I’m finding it a bit weird. I haven’t really had the urge to gamble so I’m second guessing myself and thinking “this is too easy”. That’s nonsense of course because I know that I will face triggers at some point and need to ensure I handle them and remain gambling free.

Just got to keep going I guess!

[Emma8]

I know it seems impossible to see it now, but everything is going to be OK.

Start with the basics by putting blocks on everything to stop you from gambling further.

Get in touch with the bank who gave you the loan and explain that you will be unable to make the payment. They will know how to handle everything.

If possible, find a job. It will allow you to pay off the debts but it will also be a healthy distraction for you, filling any time you might otherwise spend gambling.

You’ve done the right thing coming to this forum. I stopped gambling three weeks ago and everyone has been incredibly supportive.

You will be OK, just take each day as it comes

[Emma8]

Hi LewisK12

Firstly, well done for finding this forum and having the guts to admit you’re not doing well. It’s so difficult to do!

You know you need to make the change, you just have to work on remaining gambling free now. Block yourself from gambling in any way possible and check in here at least once a day. Speaking to others who are in the exact same position will help you so much!

Wishing you all the best on your journey 🙂

[Emma8]

Oh I know that feeling of stressing out over assignments all too well. Even now with work, I’m the worst for procrastinating until the last minute sometimes. 

One way to help tackle getting started is to do a tiny tiny bit. Like, say it’s a written assigment. Set up the word doc and get any notes/research/relevant material organised and ready to go. That alone can help. Then throw a couple of rough thoughts on the page. I always find doing something tiny with no expectation of getting anywhere with it often results in me getting a good bit of work done. Probably because I’m taking pressure off of myself. 

Hope the sickness shifts soon for you!

[Emma8]

I’ve just realised that I’ve not been onto the forum in almost a week and I’ve not flown past the three week mark.

Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m not feeling the need to jump online every day. I haven’t had the want to gamble since I blocked myself from the online casino.

I have been worrying though. Work has been busier which means my account is looking a bit healthier now. Normally that’s my trigger to think “oh I have some money to spare, time to try and win all of my losses back”. I need to stay on top of things over the next couple of weeks and make sure I don’t start to slip back into old habits.

[Emma8]

I hope the self exclusion tactic has worked well for you 🙂 I’ve found the block on my internet is working best for me. Although, I’m not sure there were many casinos left for me to register with anyway.

Can’t believe we’re almost at three weeks now! My budgets tight too, but it feels good to be in complete control of it instead of seeing a bank balance of £0

[Emma8]

Just wanted to check in to my journal today now that I’m about two and a half weeks into being gambling free.

I’m shattered tonight, but that’s thankfully down to a busy day of work. I think I mentioned before that I’m self employed and my income can vary a lot from one week to the next. This busy week will really help to repair some of the damage I’ve done to my bank account and I’m really looking forward to seeing the numbers going up for once.

I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’ve been too busy to even think about gambling, which feels wonderful to say.

I’ll check in again soon 🙂

[Author]

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