[Emma8]

Thank you so much for your supportive response! I am the kind of person who is positive most of the time, and then curls up in fear of judgement from others every so often when I feel vulnerable for being myself. Too often the opinions of others stops us from doing and being what would make us most happy and most comfortable. Maybe I’d be less inclined to gamble if I felt more able to be more of myself.

Such an interesting thought and I’m so glad that you raised the subject!

[Emma8]

I’m so disappointed to say that after over two weeks of being gambling free that little “oh maybe just try a wee (small for any none scots) bit of gambling” voice is back. I’m not sure why. It’s a quiet weekend and I wonder if it’s just because I don’t have many distractions around me? Of course, I’m not going to act on it. That I am sure of. I knew this feeling would come up for me at some point, but I hadn’t thought it would be so soon. Especially as I’ve been feeling so good recently. I’m going to read a good book, probably one on personal development, to lift me out of this. It’s just another hurdle I need to get over and I’m definitely capable of getting over it!

[Emma8]

I’m finding this to be such an important lesson as I get older!

We’re taught good manners and all of that growing up, but I don’t remember being taught that you don’t have to spend your time and energy on someone if they no longer bring a positivity into your life. Is it just me? Why aren’t things like toxic relationships and money taught in school? I feel like they would have gotten me so much further than pythagoras…

[Emma8]

Can I just thank you for acknowledging my positivity. I have been worried that it was a bad way to journal as the struggle of having a gambling addiction can bring a great depression, one which I’ve experienced many time over, and I was concerned about rubbing my positive attitude in the face of others. Of course that’s not my intention, but I worry about it anyway.

If you’re reading this and thinking “I wish I was that chirpy” please know that you will be soon. It just takes time and growth. I still have such a long way to go, but I’m also grateful for where I am right now.

[Emma8]

Just popping on to celebrate another day. I paid bills this morning that in the past I have hidden from. I sent money to a friend to pay for a trip in August that I’m looking forward to, instead of fearing.

When you’re in the depths of gambling your focus is purely on the slots in that moment. You are chasing wins and the adrenaline rush of the slots spinning round and round. In that moment the blinkers are on and nothing else seems to matter!

I wouldn’t, for some bizarre reason, be thinking about tomorrow or next week. About the bills that would be due in 5 days or the big expense of Christmas around the corner (hello me at the end of last year). All I cared about was playing the games.

Of course if you’re here, you know what happens next. You empty your account. Then look up, wondering where the time has gone and what’s going on around you.

Wait…my £183.40 bill is coming out of my account in two days?! But I just spent every last penny I had!!

In hindsight that seems insane, but I know how easy it is to burry your head in the sand and pretend that nothing is wrong. Looking back, this perspective really gives me hope that I will never go back to being someone who is addicted to gambling.

Steev, I’m grateful for your insight. Before I would think of myself as someone who gambled. Now I look at that person in the past, learning from the behaviour and knowing that I am no longer there.

Moving on is a wonderful thing. It feels incredible.

[Emma8]

That is so encouraging!

As you say, even the simple things like paying bills, saving a little and enjoying treats sometimes make life so much more wonderful.

Keep sharing your growth, it’s incredible.

[Emma8]

Steev, for some reason this has never occured to me.

I still consider myself as someone with a problem, no wonder it’s difficult to move on! I’m going to spend a lot of time thinking about this today. I think that “someone who is doing well in recovery” feels right for now. Thank you for giving me the boost to move on 🙂

[Emma8]

Doing a little dance party with myself this morning.

The sun is shining and I am officially two weeks gambling free. Damn that feels good to type.

[Emma8]

Reading your progress is incredibly encouraging for me.

I’m on day 13 right now and feeling good, but it does scare me that I might relapse. Seeing your growth and your gratitude list above really really helps so thank you for sharing!

I hope you enjoyed your son’s birthday, you deserve every happy moment with him!

[Emma8]

Each day that you stay away is a day that you grow stronger.

Self-exclude from everything if you haven’t already and then remove any other temptation.

Also ensure that the money that you will receive goes to a safe space until you feel 100% confident that you won’t use it.

Thinking of and focusing on the positives is the best thing. It really helps motivate and drive you in the right direction doesn’t it?

Keep going, you can do this!

[Emma8]

Tomorrow marks two weeks of being gambling free!

Just typing that feels really good. This time last month I was in a horrible pit of gambling, then self-excluding, then finding a new online casino to play on, then self-excluding. I lost more money than I could afford to, at a time when I was already struggling and income was low. My mental health took a dive as a result too and I really had to work hard on pulling myself out of it.

Today, I feel like I can breathe. I may still have some loans hanging over my head which will take me a long time yet to pay off, but my excessive spending has stopped and I feel a bit more in control of my money now. Thankfully my income is recovering a bit too.

Any tips for not getting complacent would be much appreciated though! That’s what has happened to me in the past. When I stop and think “I can handle a £20 deposit, that’ll be fine”. That’s when it all falls apart.
I don’t want that to happen again.

[Emma8]

I know exactly how you feel, with the fear of falling off track in the future.

The best thing you can do for the moment is self exclude from absolutely everything and begin to look at why you gamble. What triggers you? Why do you choose to gamble? What could you do instead?

As you say, looking back on this journal in the moments where you think “oh, a small bet won’t hurt” will help so much in getting over that urge to gamble.

Document your journey here every day and make sure to detail the negative feelings. It’s so easy to forget this headspace when things are going well, I know that so well now!

Wishing you all the best in your journey. We’re all here to support each other!

[Emma8]

I’m on day 12 today and I can honestly say that I haven’t had the urge to gamble in about a week.

Having relapsed before, I don’t take this for granted. This is when journaling and paying attention to my positive habits is most important.

My bank balance is improving, which motivates me so much. Having been in serious financial trouble in the past as a result of my gambling, seeing the growth is giving me a lot of strength and focus.

It’s another good day and I am going to work hard to make sure this continues!

[Emma8]

I know it’s terrifying, but just walk in and self exclude from the club. You don’t have to say “i’ve got a problem”. You could simply say “I would no longer like access please”.

Once it’s done, the weight will be lifted from your shoulders and you’ll be able to go to the gym freely without stress and worry!

[Emma8]

First, make sure to self exclude from all possible places both online and in person. If you’re not allowed to make the bets, gambling becomes a whole lot harder.

Make sure to check in here at least once a day. Read other stories, chat with other people and find the support that you need.

Also, look further into why you gamble. You have already started doing this, acknowledging that you enjoy the rush. Consider what your triggers are and this will help you to avoid them or handle them in the future.

I would also recommend talking to your parents. It sounds like they are your support system and will be the greatest help of all for you!

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