[ell]

thank you twilight a lot  for caring .wish you the best for you too ….ell

[ell]

velvet thank you for caring, honestly thank you a alot .
I hope i had good news to give you as an upadate but things are a bit difficult now .
Nomore and jilly thank you very much for your replies to me , i read them on the right time but sorry for not answering i feel a liitle bad this 10 days forgive me for that but both your replies helped me alot .
velvet  i just learn and other lies , he told me lies and i cought him . no he dont gamble he is free .lies in our life time at the present.  We dont talk for 10 days now only a polite  behaviour. 
i spoke with his therapist on the phone , he can understand me and he said to me that my silence is the most difficult sitouation for my cg to handle with but he thinks that is the right thing for me  to do. He thinks that im very strong and wise woman but he belives in my cg . He told me  when o storm finish there is a sunchine . I told him that if a sunshine comes i hope i still have the **** to recognise it . I told him to make his best for my cg but i dont know  , where i would be when the sunshine will come.
I m at work . im running and i m with my daughter i dont want to care for nothing else . I i m not the type of person who can handles lies and lies and  lies  .
i understand very well what is addiction and what is addiction bahaviour V I understand the reasons for the  mistakes . But i m struggling now ….
it is hard now velvet…….. AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
thank you all very much– 21/5/2013 6:23:22 µµ: post edited by ell.

[ell]

Hello Bettie , I know  we don’t know its other but I want to wish you all the best to your surgery tomorrow . You are in my prayers Bettie and  you will see tomorrow the roads will be ok  With all my best wishes ell

[ell]

Hi sosad
Please allow me to tell you that this site in here is the only the only true thing in our lives . The knowledge you are having from the site and from the posts you make …  make you feel better and gave you power that  is wonderful. Don’t let anyone to take this from you . It is your help .it is you. You must not make yourself believe that now when your cg start reading the site you can not 100% be truly. If your cg read and understand who is you  when he is in truly recovery  he will understand you he will come with you and he will no judge you . If he is not in truly recovery he will blame you for what you are writing.
My cg one day read some of my thoughts. That happened at the start and he was a little angry I suppose a little something …and he said that is not like this  and he was angry . So I said to him  that when you read someone thoughts  you must be prepare  that you will read things that you maybe don’t like  so now you know my thoughts change them if you can, I’m here and I’m listening. Give me the answers and the proofs I need to change my thoughts.
Take your time sosad. Velvet  looby twilight and harry is so so right,
With your boots walk the roads, you are strong you are brilliant you are intelligent woman…Keep making yourself stronger and the time for decisions will come without realize it. Everything will come when the time is right for you… Now you don’t need to give nothing to anybody. Be good with yourself you deserve it girl!
With all my love ell
 
 — 5/2/2013 1:59:41 µµ: post edited by ell.

[ell]

Hi I won .Thank you for posting me and help me to understand , i need that.  Don’t beat yourself. Keep fighting, stay focus and have faith …you have support and you have a plan as you wrote, you struggled in the past and you did it.  Have faith  . You are an intelligent person .With all my good wishes for your recovery. ell

[ell]

***** , Im at work and im running a lot in here …but I will like to say a thank you …
Thank you   very much Larry for posting me.  Thank you for your help, I need it , and I appreciate  it . I will look all that you told me to look.  I will keep saying that you are a remarkable man and your post give strength to all (Cg and non Cg) Thank you .
Twilight *****oooooo Nice to meet you too. I learn so much from your posts. We will speak soon. I want just to say that it was very nice to see you on my thread. You are very very very strong girl, you cannot imagine but you are an inspiration .
Berber so nice to meet you. I can totally say that your posts help me too .we will talk soon. And you know the word filakia lol  ….im sending you all my love and filakia . Stay strong ! we can do it ..We can fix our lives we own that to our selves first.
Sosad..i like the new shoes lol..Spoke to you soon you are not alone.

[ell]

the topic closed velvet that is i m writing here now . i need to tell you this :  im  36 years and my life needed from me to act like a man . my family problems and my work problems needed me to "" be "" like a man ..work 2 and 3 jobs since i was 14 years old  untin now . i was child and had 3 heart operations and i did it ….i know i can handle problems like a man i know i can but i dont want it  any more . to my husband i found safety and love  …he was the man and i was the woman for the first time in my life …i NEEDED velvet this so much ….and i believe it to him that i m safe emotional with him ..and he was really very good to all …and when i found out that is a gambler i feel now that i must take the control again ..keep my eyes open ….try to find soloutions for me my dughter try to help him because he want it …. and that is hard for me again  …i know i can  handle it but didnt want to happen …i do need my husband  give  me safety  but is ruined ….
 — 9/1/2013 12:35:07 µµ: post edited by ell.

[ell]

dear monique and velvet thank yoy for your post . these days were very  very difficult for me but i think i will handle it at last , yes velvet one of my fealings is grieving for the relationship that i  think i have lost for ever. and is true i lost it for ever . i must find the way for a new relationship with new rules . me life now is my work and my daughter . if somoene see me he will think that i am the happiest person in world because in my job i must do it every day but indeed is a *** . the holidays i was prentending cooking for the family and the parents and soem friends who did nt know my situation and i was pretending everything is good and now it is christmas yioupiiiiiiiiiiii. that was hard for me becouse i dont like to pretend i like to feel ok not pretend that is ok . and when i see him in face i feel that you are the  reason that im not happy ..just you and your options … he loves me  i think but i can not be***ve anything …no trust . if he say so ok he loves me but inside me is always ?????  what if he ***s and in this and in that what if he ***s and you can not see it ???? my economics not good …i try to pay everything on time adn when i feel presure i have the fealing that is your fault that i m here now …i had all the money needed . anyway i know that all will pas i try thank yoy all very much happy new year

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