[ell]

test

[ell]

sorry harry i get an email for this reply too .
what ever i click i have an email ..
.i dont know whta is happening .
I just keep that the devellopers knows my problem as you
im sending you the replies as you told me .
the only thing now is that i can log in correctly and i can post . the developpers will tell you about this and the great britain too.
thank you harry very much for your help and the developpers too .

[ell]

yes harry a email came from you replie in my thread .
so now
i click on reply and i untik the box “notify when….”Now it is untick the box
i click save and sent the post . please answer me to see if i will receive a mail
thank you ell

[ell]

I click on reply and the box Notify me when ….it is untick so i tick it and i sent the post

[ell]

velvet hello and thank you very much for your answer, when i see you on my thread i m just happy.
I have another question and i need to fix it because im in a difficult position a little .
I didnt know that when someone give a relpy to you all the answer goes to our e mail address too with all the answer not like a comment . Here at my work i can have only this email i have now i cannot open new but some people here somotimes have access to my mail and i dont want to . It is possible with the new site to stop the replies at my mail ????
thank you very very much
with all my love to all and to you cvelvet
ell

[ell]

Thank you berber for your kind words i hope your pregnancy goes well with no no no no problems !!!!! God be with you all the time .
question: LIVE ADVISE HELP LINE is Green now and OPEN .
and i ckick on it “join” and the message is “”you are in quene position waiting to join us ” Recources ot Forums .
and i can not goin the leve help .
If the begin time pass they cannot accept persons in the groups ??what happens i cannot understand, if someone knows what im doing wrongly. I can never join a group or unmodereted or F&F nothing.
Anyway if i cannot do it i just keep the forums.
al my love to everyone

[ell]

adele thank you so much for your kind words and of cousre i want to tell you that you are “something else” you are amazing with all the help here with the forum ….thank you a lot …..
Velvet so nice to see you on my tread ..yes you are so right i try to leave the fear “a little” . I think that i will find someday the feeling to be friendly with all of this..that is happening.
I suppose im giving the space-peace that my relationship need . I m letting free my feelings and that is something i feel good now .(i hope that i m making the right choise) In my mind is always the if” , If something wrong happens again?? ….well if happens then i think know how to protect me and my daughter (that is something that you teaching me very good). This is our chance in our marriage …i hope that we will get out stonger and winners . He deserve the second chance so do I. it is difficult to find the real balance in a relationship after all that (it is not my friend he is my hb so its difficult) …. because i need a relationship real with feelings i dont want someone just to be with me in the same house . But he doesnt want that too(he said) . He needs the same thing he needs all the feelings the love adn the truth that our relatioship can has. I dont want to sound velvet too hard but i dont want v something in the middle …
every day i try we try to let the feelings free and find the new balance . The good thing is that the feelings excists ..
with all my love ……….
ell

[ell]

hello ..
I miss the old site but life is changing and we can deal with the new site too . Need little time and we use to it.
My cg is still free- he is still going to his mettings and he is comipment. we work too much but my update is that we came a liitle closer . We are not just polite .
Velvet i told him that i love him! That was when the ice broke.
I felt woman again. I felt relieved.
We are more free now , and we laugh easily .Im not saying that we dont struggle but we struggle and smiling too. I think that is a positive think . He told me that im a very very close person when someone hurt me but he is still here to make me open again .
He is now almost i year when i learn the truth …and i think that we made some good steps …the next year will be better.

[ell]

Hello my sweet tootall. It is so nice to meet you .
Thank you very much for your so kind words on my thread. Tootall, you already know that this site will help you a lot .
I know that you feel it that in here you will find help , hug and power.
The knowledge in here is precious you will see one day at a time the progress on your self .
Im here 12 months now and i m reading the site almost every day . It is my help .Everyday i learn something different that i didnt know.
Please stay connect to this site and you will find your power because the power and the peace that you need excists beleive me.
Write down in here all your thoughts every day all your feelings and all your questions …take it out of your chest .
No one in here wanted to have partners with the addiction but it happens sometimes to someones .
You are here and all of us understands you and feel you with no judging. The priority is YOU .
I know that now it is very very difficult time for you . We all in here can feel it . Dont let down your guns . Maybe you can not feel it but your posts are very strong , you are a strong woman and it is an honor for me to know you.
Give time to your self to undrestand the addiction and find the solutions . Please dont cry about things that you didnt did in the past , just focus on today .
You desrve to have a life with peace . Your hb left , i know how difficult is this and i know what the feelings is when he is not at home or on the same bed. The ups and down are so many .
Maybe you met velvet , if you havent you will , she will find you here after her vacantion . One advise that gave me is to look my self to do things for me and i did it tootall , when i did it my hb get a little bit “crazy” because he was my world and when i start just do things for me and my daughter and not for him ( he was texting me and i didnt answer, he called me and i didnt answer , i ate at the evenings and i didnt ask him anything, i was playing with my daugher and i just with a polite behaviour ignorig him ) his attitude changed. He had a clik .He beleived that i had left from the relationship . But in my heart not even for a day not even for a minute i abandoned him . I just never told him or texted him that.
i m not saying to you to do the same , Every case is different My cg wanted to take out the addiction of his life and he is comipment to this . And im trying to stand up for my self .
Tootall try to focus on you , You deserve all the hapiness my dear .
Now, we all in here we have the most difficult times in our lives ..
But we will survive , beleive it , The addiction is not stronger than you . YOU ARE STRONGER !!!!
with all my love ell

[ell]

***** Twilight , it is so nice to see you on my thread . Thank you for your advice.
“”””””””I seperate the addiction from my father and this allows me to show my love for my father when I see him””””””””
That is Twilight my most difficult stage now for me. I try to separate them but it is difficult but I try.  I need to find my freedom, I need time but I think I will handle that stage too. It gives me hope that it exists a way to separate them. It gives me hope that you told me because your experience is huge.
Thank you very much 
You are in my thoughts
Berber im thinking you a lot , keep walking you are doing so good….
With all my love ell

[ell]

***** all my friends,
I m reading the forum every day, and I see many friends they are struggling and I feel guilty inside me because I couldn’t find the strength to give just  reply to them . But im reading and Im learning many new things from all you every day and you are in my thoughts.
My update :
Nothing has changed with the work and the hours I spent there and the debts …I miss every day my baby because I cannot see her.
My cg he is still going to the counselor and he is free from the first day (11 months now) and he is commitment to free life and to his family. He works a lot and he tries every day for the best.(that is what my eyes see every day) We don’t argue we are polite each other.
I guess The problem is me. My hb he is waiting for Me. Every day he is there and waiting me to free myself and go a step forwards our relationship.  We are polite velvet but we are frozen. I want to say to him that I love him I want to give him a hug , I feel it every day that but I am frozen I just don’t do it because I think that if I leave myself free again and hurt me again ? If he is not telling the truth, if I cannot understand the truth? What if im blind? And all that questions lock me and making me a frozen woman.  And when I’m frozen-a cold polite woman he is afraid..And sometimes I can understand that he feels a little injustice because he is free and here.
So he is waiting for me, every day he is looking me and he is afraid to make a move , and when we discuss(sometimes-no time for discussions) he always say that I cannot do anything more im free im telling you the truth and I will wait for you all the time you need to let yourself free again.
I read Limbo again and again and again ….
I feel the same like Limbo and I cannot do it in action … Im afraid all the what if but I cannot leave all my life lock inside me .
How difficult is to find a balance to free your self with your cg and of course to protect yourself the same time.  …………………………………..
………..and, today I wrote him on Skype because we are to work
“How are you my love?” He was smiling, I haven’t said that word months now. I need to say that I love him but I cannot make the move. Im stacked
It is a little difficult to find the balance …I need to let it just go! He is free what else I want?? I think sometimes I still grieving for my old relationship.
You are all in my thoughts
With all my love ell
 

[ell]

***** my dear jenny
Hope is always in front of us. I m reading your post and I can see the strength and the determination for a new life with no lies and gambling.  You can have everything you want now jenny. You can fix a peaceful life with your great sons.
I know that when you are breaking a relationship it is hard (I had a divorce in the past- now im in my second marriage). I also know that the light of a peaceful life is in front you. Take your big breath and move on jenny. You have already given so much for his recovery. You are now a strong and wise woman. You can do whatever you want with your life.  Don’t regret anything jenny just keep going and you will feel free soon. I admire your strength and thank you for helping me so many ***** with your posts. Your support to me is something I will not forget.
With all my love ell

[ell]

vevlet thank you very much … i just saw your post .
it is a quick post now because i have problem in my work …but soon enough i will post you all the details . yesterday we had a talk and yes it is my word against his yes i believe he took it and yes he is saying to me that he didnt  but he cannot prove it . i discuss with him the new model of trust that i want to have in our marriage because we dont have another option . we can  not have the relationship we had before …i just cannot have the same relationship …that relationship is dead and the trust of that relationship is dead too . We can have a new relationship and a new model of trust . That is good for him and for me . I told him everything and i told him if he can not follow in this i can not do anything . I can not forget i just cant and i told him not to except me to do that im a human . If he want me to forget i told him that he must heat me in the head and have amnisia . I can and im trying to lock all this in a box behind . But it will be there the box and because i dont want to open the box neither him we must together find the model to not allow it . i will write yoo soon enough velvet sorry i have a client now …..

[ell]

*****
yesterday late at night i ***** the money and it was 195 eyro . Today in the morning was 145 euro . OK 50 euros missing and he opened my bag to take the keys in the morning . i asked him  were is the 50 euro and he told me that he didnt took it and he tried to prove that i ***** wrong the money. I ***** the money yesterday in front of him . Something dont fit in the puzzle. He told me that he didnt took and that he con not do anything else to belive him .
something is happening….i dont know what but something is

[ell]

thank you jenny for your post , i need it and i appreciate your answer .
velvet *****
It is Sunday and im at work ….
The poem "Limbo " came on time, thank you from my heart .
With love ell

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