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Hey Buddy….I feel the same way must be February..the winter blues hate doctors gloom and doom have to see them next week…must be the gambler inside me or the symptom where i made a big thing out of it or blow it out of proportion..crazy making…poor poor me pur me a drink..instead of being thankful and giving it to God..part of the process my dear..take care of you and u’ll be in my prayers..peace..and happiness Eric
Bettie..you are a good person……send me some soup haha..Eric
Yo..Hey Bettie..long time no hear or see…still clean..funny how life works..when ur broke a little sneaky thought cross ur mind maybe I could win some money and alleviate the bills aah stinky thinking..was a cold winter 40 bellow for about two weeks..i am Ok just thought I would drop u a line and keep up the good work..Eric
Bettie…a comedian who is a First Nation person said ..if columbus was looking for Turkey we could have been called Turkeys..haha laughter heals…aaah for myself feels like I am stuck…been seven months clean…lately in the evenings…that is when I use to gamble online poker….I find myself restless and bored ..could do some cleaning but no energy or do not want to do it…playing chess online but that rush ended..so what I have been doing is visiting my friend that gambles online and watch him play..him and his son both playing poker online in their living room..yesterday the son had to leave and he asked me to take over his game and his Dad was doing something and his thing was waiting for him to bet or fold ….just about said yes to both actions and that day another gambling aquaintance asked me or invited me to a poker game said no but he was very persistent come on..nobody will know..told sorry and later on that night he called me and kept asking………..said naa….walking back home from my friend thought about saying f it and jump back in…crazy thinking…trying to look at where it is coming from…lonely no friends,no partner,family problems poor poor me pour me a drink or in this case deal me some cards escape from reality..looks like they are having fun but they look rough that is what I see no disrespect…do I want to go back there where all my time is involved in this disease plus the financial mental physical emotional..how easy do i forget the bottom i hit….years and years I have gambled aware it will take one moment at a time to feel comfortable but its that gambling thought you know all or nothing want it right now question is what I want..not gamble and be happy so accept it…its part of the learning curve or phase..thanks for listening had to get it out of my system..peace eric
Bettie proud of you the big 90..one day at a time adds up..just wanted to say I like your posts keeps me on my toes eh..its NAAW week here..national addiction awareness week and they are having a raffle haha thought that was wild..gambling is a hidden disease especially in a small town..well take care and keep on trucking..eric
Bettie…..hi there…read ur post and it hit me i am going through the same process and what my counsellor pointed out to me it is part of the recovery stages and this stage if you allow me is called the bargaining stage and then depression stage..where sub consciously I am looking for a reason to go back to gambling..crazy disease or sickness I have like they say in the program its cunning, baffling and powerful…I loved gambling the noise the excitement the escape but forget the consequences…have friends that quit drinking and start and ask them why and they said being sober was boring and being clean from gambling for 6 and a half monthe feels like that sometimes and going through the stages of recovery is not fun too but realize my higher power just give us so much to handle and it is part of the process to become better..like someone said on one post..easy does it…and the elders say be thankful..count ur blessings…pat yourself on the back..you are doing good and you have come a long way …breathe in faith and exhale fear…its a beautiful day…eric
Bettie…..recovery is somewhat complex..just when u think life is good..a wave of tests comes ur way..I guess it must be the peeling of the onion..just another test to say f it and go gambling..breathe and get grounded you are doing a good job and you are a good person..take care of you..PEACe eric
Bettie….sometimes i forget I have not gambled for 6 and a half months…isn’t it wild…thinking when I am going to fall off..yuck..and forget to enjoy life…liked what MOb said on one of his post where we are like prisoners doing time haha..sorry about ur leg and the food sounds good…same here feel lonely sometimes but enjoy being by myself…it is all in the universe…still hooked on chess..hard on the brain..daughters are driving me crazy but keeps me occupied well take good care and enjoy the week end…Eric
Hey…tommorrow is another beautiful day…best friend is you..just another test…Peace..Eric
Bettie…..loved your post about your tape in your head…or how to prepare for the gambling trip…interesting the amount of planning we put towards our addiction…we are CEO’s of our disease…maybe this is why daily life is boring I miss chaos management haha…aah have a friend he plays online poker once in awhile I go see him and he is attached to his lap top looking rough because he played for 12 hours straight and looking mean at his dog because his dog giving him the bad luck eye look and he talks about his winnings and not the losses and thinking about making this his living….why do I visit him he is my friend but secretly I looking to get off on his rush or playing tricks with my mind that I still could gamble…crazy disease I have…break up disease and you got dis-ease definition not feeling comfortable with myself and pattern is when I feel like this I use to escape into the gambling world instead of looking at what is bothering me and it is ok to feel uneasy better than feeling the consequences of a gambling binge….thanks for your post and an elder once told be thankfu count your blessings and Peace and love those brown boots..ericl
YO Bettie…heard a joke goes like this My father was a gambler and we were rich eight times ha ha gotta have humour..so hows life ..been busy so did not have time to get on this site….funny how we quit something and get hooked on something else..found this chess game and being an addictive person think I AM hooked have to go to a chess anoymonous meeting…looking at the screen is hard on the ols eyes..well was thinking about ya so take care wish you happinesss..PEace Eric
Hey Bettie could feel your positive energy…what do they say when you are bubbling share it..thank you for ur postand you help me out also. Sorry to hear about your past experience with the therapist…another test…and takes awhile to find gamble free friends unless u go online dating haha….envy you for going to hear some blues ..here I am in a small town of 1200 and only entertainment is at the bar and don’t drink plus seeing people plastered kinda bores me but been invited to a haloween party..trying to figure out what to wear..maybe I’ll go as a gambler haha…wish you 24 and be strong..Peace Eric
Bette..hi ran into my sister and she said she had a dream about me..she said she saw me walking out of a casino looking very sad..laughed but funny how life is was thinking stinky thinking lately hey should get back on line poker..just that I was bored and stressed with daughter drinking disappointment..the two headed dragon you know where we or I start bargaining or just stuck in my grieving phase when does it stop and life gets better just wanted to share aah feel it poor me but look at the posivitives didnot gamble today and it was a beautiful fall day of golfing and thank God I am alive wish u serenity..Eric
Good Morning Kathryn…good to read your post…haha..about ur cream ..there should be one for gambling..apply it every morning..maybe our program is our cream..results are not immediate,,takes time….in regards to ur first paragraph when i was gambling I use to cheat on my expense reports or try to scam then in my recovery I realize I have to be honest so past trips my claims were done fairly but sometimes the urge is there …rebel inside me or craving the action or the chaos but catch myself and do my best to walk on the good road….was going to golf at 10 this morning but it was raining so slept for a couple of more hours…me an a friend being golfing for 5 days straight body aches and I am falling behind on some projects so have to learn to say no to him and do my chores or the to do list…didnot realize it was Fathers Day tommorrow wow…in my gambling world it was just another day..daughter wanted to cook a supper so agreed…well keep on trucking and thank u for ur post..Eric
hey Bettie looks like you are doing very well congrats and will pray so that ur stars line up right and thanks for ur post life is good still trying to clean up my house no time working working to catch up I guess forgetting to slow like someone told me on the advice line it took a long time to get to where I am at so it’ll time to recover have to remenber to have fun and take a holiday too well keep up the good work bye Eric