[eileen]

Kpat,

I think you hit the nail right on the head! I’ve done some of the same things. Flyers in the trash etc- I feel pretty motivated today. But every hour or so it crosses my mind- should I christmas shop and just swing by there? It’s so damn tempting. Therefore I have decided to have a jammy day lol- If I’m not up and dressed then I won’t take any detours. I’m sure once more time passes it will be easier-

So for now it’s house cleaning, movies, working on crocheted scarves for my granddaughters and a school Xmas program at 6- As tempting as it is I will say no today and I will be proud of myself later!

I also pray you will keep away – two months is absolutely awesome and I can’t wait to be able to say I’ve accomplished that as well-

[eileen]

First of all I thank everyone for their words of encouragement. Today is the day I would normally gamble…..Its the weekend and I am off of work…..I decided to go to church instead. What a great feeling it was. I must say it was tempting though. Both church and the casino are in the next town over. I think my car knows its own way to the casino….I can just put it on autopilot!

Anyway, as I got to church, I thought to myself, I can swing by on my way home and nobody would even know. Then I heard the ‘scrooge’ message at church about how the Scrooge got a second chance after seeing the ghosts from the past, present and future. The pastor talked about how we can pray and let God show us the same thing. Learning from our past and not letting it control our future- And having the opportunity to live our life in a way that would make us happy.

Well I followed his advice. After Church I headed home….had lunch with my husband and came home to work on things I have been neglecting. I am hoping this will create a sense of accomplishment.

Tomorrow will be the real test. The Casino sends me money every week to come back. My usual motto is just to go spend the money they gave me and go home…..(never the case)… My new motto is Dont do it! $50 from them is normally several hundred out of my bank account. I will remember this! Part of myself is nagging saying just an hour….just the $50….you could win…..what would it hurt….etc etc…..

Well to answer that question to myself….it would hurt me….hurt my pride and I would let myself down. Letting myself down leads to more gambling and more depression. As I type this I realize I have never gone more than 30-45 days without gambling…..so that will be my first goal. Tomorrow will be tough but I will stay strong.

[eileen]

K,
Thanks for your words of encouragement. Yes my husband does know about the gambling issues…..unfortunately he shares my addiction…. He is normally with me…..while his addiction is bad he has a tiny bit more self control. Not much, but more than me. We did talk today….cut up our player cards and called the casino and asked to be removed from the mailing list. That should be a small help. We discussed how we are getting so much older and all the things we could have had if we didnt waste so much money over the last 15 years. But we decided we can cry over it or learn from it. There are so many things we will Never have because of our addiction but I guess all I can do is find new things to look forward to. One day at a time.

As far as exclusion….the place where I work can be stressful and difficult. Some of the people look for weaknesses in others and would see this as an opportunity to see me fail. That would be more stress than I need right now.

The first week will be easy,….still suffering from the damage caused…..next week will be a little rougher. I am hoping time will help and that I dont bore people on this site too much. Guess as long as I can read it and reflect, it will help me.
I have to appreciate the good things.. my beautiful family, my granddaughters, my doggies. These are the things that make me happy and I cant lose sight of that.

I havent gone more than 30 days without gambling in years…..so lets see how this goes. I can do this. I WILL do this! Thank you again for your encourgement!

[Author]

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