[dpa]

Thanks Monica1 for the comments – I’ve had all sorts of horrible and disturbing thoughts flowing through my brain over the past 72 hours or so – these are feelings I have never experienced before – it is definitely scary and I know that on the other side of it all, there’s a much better life ahead, without gambling in it. Some of the stories I have read on here are just awful and I am thankful to have had my moment of clarity before my life spiralled out of control. I have stopped before but i generally did it because I was hurting others – this time I have stopped because i could feel myself descending into a place that i knew would ruin me forever. As I said to my wife last night, the gambler in me is not going without a fight. I find that being alone is the worst thing possible at this stage – it’s where my I have the most opportunity to comtemplate my own feelings of shame, self-pity but also reflection and fears about how I’m supposed to stay on the rails. It’s easy to say I’m quitting but given the repeated pattern of behaviour over such a long period, i’m worried it won’t take much to fall back into the cycle. I think that’s what is driving my feelings of despair and emptiness

[dpa]

Cheers Tango74 for the response. I’ve actually been “injured” for the past 12 months or so from a footballing incident. I think it’s contributed as I’ve had no outlet. I don’t think it’s any co-incidence that i’ve started to become more active again, my mindset has shifted. With this said, there’s always that fear that something could spark that desire to gamble again. 

Yesterday was a horrible day – the worst I’ve had since my last bet, almost 3 weeks ago. Coming clean to my wife, who is also struggling with the news, has been difficult but she is starting to see just how much of an effect it’s having on me. But you’re right, being active is definitely a good way to fill that void that gambling has left in me. 

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