[dohk0]

So here is my (hopefully) final comment on my situation. My brother and me talked to my mom, who said that she didn’t suspected anything and after we convinced her that he goes to a casino she, as my brother, supposed that he was doing it as a means of having fun and relaxing from work. Before we talked to my dad I was the only one left thinking that he has an addiction problem and that he does not have control over his gambling.
So I talked to my dad during dinner, with my mom and brother beside me, and he was glad that I talked to him about it. He said that he thinks he is in control of the situation and that he is doing it for fun, with a certain amount of money that he had put away for that reason specifically( every couple of days). He said that he has been doing it since the 1st casino opened in town( around 25 years ago) and that there were not times in which he had lost control and lost more than he had. I told him that I would feel better if we went the next day to a therapist who has experience with addictions and he agreed(not with pleasure) and so we went the next day ( all of us ).
While there I told the therapist my concerns and after he told us what and addict behaves like and stories of such. At the end of the meeting he said that he can’t be the one to tell for sure if my dad had a problem or not but if what he had said was true, than he probably did not have a problem controlling this.
At the end I felt kind of bad for insisting so much that he has a problem and I do believe I was wrong. I think at one point I forgot the reason why I was doing all of this ( to help him) and convinced myself that he definitely has a problem. I ended up causing a lot of worry to my mom and maybe left a bad impression on the family. I am sure they will ( if they haven’t already) forgive me if they were upset with me in the first place.
In conclusion I am glad I confronted my dad after all these years (5-6 maybe). I was not very pleased with the way I did it but I suppose that for my first time (if that sounds right) I can’t be too upset with myself. All and all my dad was right when he told me that I should have spoken to him the moment I thought something was wrong. All of that could have been avoided ( my distress during all this years as well ) , but nevertheless this is life and that is how you learn: you make a mistake so that you ( hopefully) don’t have to do it again.

Thank you all for the support you have provided. You have helped me and if it wasn’t for you I might still be festering that secret inside me. Good luck to you all in your own battles.

Sincerely , Donko

[dohk0]

Hi again. I have talked to my brother and his suggestion is for both of us to talk to my father without getting our mother involved at all, and hope that he will stop basically on his own, having realized the danger of his habit. My brother also suggests telling him that his gambling can put his family in danger and to consider if it is worth it.
My idea, on the other hand, is to try my best to convince him( if he doesn`t realize it already) that he has a problem and that he should take care of it, trying to avoid putting blame on him or making him feel ashamed on purpose or threatening him. I think that my brothers approach is going to do those things and as far as I read, these feelings of shape,guilt and such are not going to help for the recovery.
I am also in the opinion that we should tell our mother first and than talk to him, so that during his recovery he will have someone next to him, because both me and my brother live in another town. My brothers concern is that mom has a weak character and it`s best not to cause her stress, although I believe that she is unconsciously under stress right now because she might suspect that something is going on but doesn`t know what it is.
Another thing is that my brother suspected that dad might have gone to casinos, but he was doing it as a hobby or to have fun and it might be harmless. Do you guys know of such cases where people do it for fun and how often do they do it? Also I would like to know your opinion on what is the best approach. Thank you in advance.

[dohk0]

I am just about to go off to university for my last year there. I was home for a month this summer and I am 24. I was thinking that maybe I can share my concerns with my brother, who is 26, and than we could both talk to my mother about it. After that we could talk to him about it. The thing is I`m not sure if I should get my brother involved, although I do think he has a right to know and also we could both support our mother better since she would be the one who would be constantly next to him through those times. Another thing is that in my country there are only 2 or 3 towns in which there are GA meetings and ours is not one of them, so maybe the support would be coming mainly from us, if he chooses to take care of the problem. Meanwhile I am having real emotional distress since I know I should act, but I don`t know which course of action is the best.
Also, how do you think that my brother, who probably does not have any idea about this, would react and feel when I tell him? I am asking because he has made these plans for this month and I am not sure if I should wait to tell him in order not to run them…

[dohk0]

Sometimes I just feel suffocated from not knowing what to do, because I want to talk to him but at the same time it seems like something impossible to do…

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