[desdemona]

I’m so sorry to hear that your Dad passed (((Reds))). I have not lost a parent so I can’t say I understand how you feel, but it must be so painful. Thinking of you in your grief and sorrow. It makes me happy to know that you had a good father. I’m sure you will enjoy your time out in the bush. I love nature myself and it uplifts the soul. Every sighting of a bird or animal on my property fills me with joy. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you to my (((Friends))) who post to me in spite of the fact I haven’t been posting often. I am driving to Edmonton on Friday and going to the comedy club with my friend Darlene, and then sleeping at my apartment, and then moving my furniture out the next day. It will be a busy day as I need to pack my things and clean my suite. It’s May 6th and it is snowing like crazy. I am doing fine as I’m happy I moved back with Danny as we are closer emotionally than we have been in years. He goes back to work tomorrow for 14 days. I have the renters’ house to clean almost daily and am grateful as it gives me something to do with my time. Danny built a huge cat enclosure for my cats so they can be outside safely. My granddaughter is coming over today to color my hair. Not much else to relate, other than my 9 year old granddaughter won high gold, and gold this weekend for ballet and tap. She also won a dance scholarship for dance next year, and her dance group won the most promising award in the competition. My mother is doing well enough these days though continues to have the occasional fall. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Cat))) and (((Vera))) for your posts. I have not been around as I couldn’t figure out the 8.1 version of windows that came with my new computer. I only have internet at the renters’ house so I will have to walk across the yard to access it. My granddaughter installed google chrome for me, so now my computer is user friendly. I’m off to my granddaughters’ dance recital this afternoon. The 9 year old won a dance scholarship for next year, and she got a 5 year pin. She loves dance and she says it is her life. I have been gamble free since early April. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Kathryn)))! I’m so sorry to hear that your husband is behaving so badly towards you. That was mean-spirited of him to have told you to get up or catch the train home. I would have slept in and caught the train. That would have given him time to think about the way he treated you. How long have you been married? When a person gets into recovery, a lot of relationships don’t survive, because one person gets healthier emotionally, and becomes less willing to handle toxic behavior from their partner. Is your husband still gambling, and has it increased? You have managed your recovery brilliantly. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Liz))) I’m happy to hear that you put yourself out there meeting someone that you could possibly be friends with. That was kind of you to reach out to your sister. It does sound to me that your Mother has been part of the problem in your relationship with your sister, as she carries stories back and forth, probably painting the both of you in a negative light to each other. Your sister has also played a big role in the past with the problems you have had with your daughter. As much as you would like a close relationship with your mother, sister, and daughters, it may not be possible, as everyone seems to be in everybody’s business, manipulating others for their own benefit. That’s why it would be helpful if you could develop a support system for yourself through friends and activities you enjoy. Family members aren’t going to change just because you have gotten healthier emotionally. You need to have emotional boundaries around you when dealing with toxic family members, or you will always be in turmoil when it comes to interactions with them. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! I really feel for your brother, who is just trying to keep his daughter alive, and trying to get her the professional help she needs. I believe eating disorders are similar to addictions because the eating disorder distorts reality, and fights hard to keep surviving. Some people think that if the person would just stop the negative behaviors, everything would be alright. It’s much like someone believing that a person should just stop gambling if it is causing them problems in their life. I know that it was extremely stressful when my granddaughter was at the height of her mental health problems and all she was hearing in her mind was to kill herself. It was a life and death struggle for her and for those that loved her. Eating disorders are extremely dangerous and I have a good friend whose niece Tina died as a result of anorexia. When they went to clean out her apartment they found a can of diet Coke in her fridge, and in her kitchen cupboards they found clothing. I have real empathy for your brother who is having to deal with this with his daughter. He has to be under so much emotional and financial stress. We as a family had to come to a point where the only way to manage our fear of what could happen with my granddaughter was to let it go, and worry about it, when and if something happened. My granddaughter was really motivated to get better and learn the recovery skills for her mental health disorders, and she functions very well most days. I hope that your niece can find the right help she needs. I hope your brother uses the support in the eating disorders community. He too needs help, but men usually have a tough time asking for and receiving help, as they see it as a weakness. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Friends))) for your kind supportive posts. I think so many are struggling to stay gamble free because we have reverted to old habits (gambling) to deal with change and stress in our lives, and for some of us, we have let our barriers slide. The most effective barrier I put in recently was not to carry a debit card. I tell you it works! Plus having to be more accountable to Danny with only having the joint account. I hate it when he is angry that I gambled even though he has enabled me in the past. Now when he is grumpy I don’t have to wonder if it’s because he’s discovered a significant withdrawal from our account. That alone makes me feel less stress. There is no shame in giving up our means to gamble. It’s a bit like being a drug addict and having drugs in your house, and trying to use self-discipline not to use them. It’s way more helpful to get rid of the drugs so that a person isn’t fighting urges and thoughts to use. It’s an illusion to think that a person is giving up “freedom” by getting rid of cards that can be used to gamble. Freedom comes when a person doesn’t have to think about going gambling because they have no access to gambling money. My suite is untidy and needs cleaning so hopefully I will be able to get motivated today and get some of that done. My granddaughter is writing a history final today and will be moving back to the country on April 26th. She broke up with the resident doctor as he was so in love with himself, and she didn’t feel there was much room for her in his relationship with himself. She went to a concert last night with a guy from where we live in the country and she had a great time she said. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Laura)))! I’m with you on how never ending this Canadian winter has been. It has gotten discouraging at times. Four years of gamble free time is awesome and amazing!!! I’m happy that you were able to do something else with your “day off,” rather than gamble it away. I remember how your Mom rescued you from a Christmas with no gifts, etc for your children, and how she supported you in your initial recovery. She must be very proud of how far you have come. Most people that have never experienced addiction of some kind, can’t understand how compulsive gambling can be. Hope you’re having a good day! Carole

[desdemona]

Hi (((slotjunkie)))! Way to go on the public speaking about your story. Public speaking is most people’s number 1 fear. I know I hate it and get very anxious. I too deleted all the facebook games as all it did was make me waste many hours a day and make me want to gamble for real. It sounds like you are putting in time and effort to work your recovery. That’s always a good thing!! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! Nice to hear that you went and visited Jules. How is she doing in recovery?? I’m happy to hear that you didn’t stop at that video slot café. There is nothing new under the sun when it comes to gambling. Same old, same old! Ken L used to say that he didn’t gamble anymore as he didn’t know if he had another recovery in him. I now know exactly what he was talking about. It’s a dangerous game we play when we think we can have the occasional gamble. My fairly recent bout of gambling over a week left me scared for the first time in over three years. I didn’t think I could stop again. For years I would gamble for a day and then stop the next day. That didn’t happen the last time. I’m a slow learner when it comes to some things and have to experience it for myself before I believe some things. Use my experience as a cautionary tale. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Ican)))! It seems that many of us old-timers are struggling these days. I thought I had lost my chance at recovery recently because I had several days of uncontrolled gambling, and just couldn’t seem to stop. I took a couple steps to restricting my access to gambling money which has helped me tremendously. I closed my personal account and gave up carrying a debit card. As Vera often says, “no money equals no gambling!” I also told my husband about a $2,000 cheque I would be receiving. For me it’s a lot about having barriers, and some accountability for money I withdraw from our joint account. Danny has learned how to go online now to check our account as some guy at work taught him how! Sometimes there are barriers right in front of us that our brain won’t let us think about, because the addiction wants to survive. Are there any barriers you could put in that could remind your thoughts/urges to gamble, that you don’t have access to gambling money? One day at a time! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! I see you haven’t posted on your own thread for some time. I hope you’re well and happy! I’m back in the city till Friday, and then will return to my acreage. I am moving back to try it again with Danny. I was dreading it but Bettie mentioned that it might not be as bad as I was anticipating. That changed the way I decided to approach moving back. I managed to pull myself back from the brink of disaster after my last bout with uncontrolled compulsive gambling. I have to admit that I got scared that working recovery was over for me. I gave up my debit card which has been so helpful to me. I can’t access cash advances from my credit card as I cancelled that some time back. I pay my bills online so no reason to go to the bank. I finally was ready to not have a debit card. If Danny gives it back to me, I will cut it up in front of him. He doesn’t understand that I can’t gamble in a controlled manner. I am watching My 600 Pound Life, waiting for my granddaughter to come home with ice cream. Lol! Carole

[desdemona]

I miss you (((Sherry)))! Please come back and post and let us know how you are. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((P)))! Hope you’re doing well! I miss seeing your posts! Danny is building a cat outdoor enclosure for my three kitties! That way they’ll be able to enjoy the summer weather safely! I am moving back to the country with Danny. I’m going to try it again with him. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Liz)))! My plans didn’t go as I had hoped but Danny has been making the effort to be less quarrelsome and kinder to me. I’m going to try it again with him! I do love my property as it is quiet and peaceful, as you and Bettie know. I’m looking forward to having campfires, flower gardening, and watching the Northern Lights. My cats will have a big outdoor enclosure that Danny is building now, so they can enjoy summer days safely outside. When are you getting your dog Liz? After the spa trip? You should get a cat as well in my opinion. Carole

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