[desdemona]

Dear (((P)))! I’m sorry to hear about your relapse, but no point looking back unless it’s to remind ourselves what happens when cgs gamble. Beating yourself up over this fiasco changes nothing! All any of us have is today. I had to cut up my debit card in 4 pieces to stop myself from having ATM access to cash. Drastic times require drastic measures for some of us. It’s a bit of an adjustment to only have access to a credit card for day to day purchases. My credit card has zero cash advance as I cancelled it, and once it’s cancelled, it’s done for good. There’s no turning back for me! Maybe think of how you can put in barriers to not have the cash available. I find that keeping really busy helps and also gives me a sense of accomplishment. Once in a while thoughts will come to me that I need to “reward” myself by gambling for working so hard. Any cg understands that gambling is not a “reward.” Gambling is a compulsive behavior that we use to deal with feelings, both positive and negative. It’s great to see you back. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Liz))) That is such a nice thing to do and I’m very sure it will bring Ken and his family a little comfort to know that we’re thinking of them and supporting them in their grief journey. As you know grief is a lonely journey at times, when your world has stopped and it seems like the rest of the world just goes on with theirs. The pain is excruciating and no one can walk through the grief process except the bereaved. Every morning I wake up and wish this is a just a bad dream and wish that Ken and his family weren’t going through this. Carole

[desdemona]

Ken and his family are laying their precious son to rest today. I feel sorrow and empathy as I care deeply about Ken. He was the first person that I met through the internet, that supported me in recovery through lots of emails. Liz will tell you the same thing that Ken was her first support person. I’m positive that many compulsive gamblers have the same story. Ken will need everyone’s love, prayers, and support through the soul crushing grief that lays ahead for this family. No parent should have to bury a child! Carole

[desdemona]

To all of Ken’s friends, I have his address and he has given me permission to share it with those of you that know Ken well. You can email me and I will provide it to those that would like it. He is asking that his friends here keep the family in their thoughts and prayers, especially today and tomorrow as they lay their precious son to rest. Carole

[desdemona]

I have asked Ken, through email to provide me with his address, and if he does, I will pass it along to those that have known Ken for a long time, so that if you would like to send a sympathy card, you will be able to. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Larry)))! I received an email today from Ken L. today saying that Ken’s 26 year old son died suddenly yesterday (Tuesday). The son leaves behind two small children that Ken and his wife were helping to raise. Hope you’re well. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Friends)))! I received an email today from Ken L. saying that his 26 year old son passed away suddenly yesterday, leaving two young children behind. Please keep the family in your thoughts and prayers. Carole

[desdemona]

Busy, busy, busy!! Housecleaning, organizing, trips to the dump, sorting through sheds on the property, and weeding. Did I mention that we have two new dogs, littermates, ages 8 years and 7 months, so they are senior dogs. They are mostly gold labs with great dane, and they were in dire need of a loving family. The three cats are best friends now. Now to get the cats and dogs to be friendly will take a few months. My Mother will be moving to a locked unit with 24/7 staffing as soon as the paperwork can be completed. I’ll probably drive down to Winnipeg justto make sure she gets m oved out of her suite and settled in. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat))) and (((Bettie)))! I really am missing something productive and fun in my life. I am searching my mind for something that isn’t currently being done in my community that I would enjoy doing. This probably doesn’t sound like much but I was thinking of fund raising to buy park benches for two people I knew. One of them was beaten to death by her boyfriend in their home, and the other was murdered by a friend’s boyfriend. Helen was lured to Ontario on the pretense of going there to help a friend who was recovering from surgery, and had her throat slashed with a box cutter. Additional monies raised could be donated to Victim Services, as a lot of their cases involve domestic violence. I am also interested in the needs of seniors. I don’t want to commit to structured volunteer work but I definitely need something to do. I am not interested in restarting the GA group as GA was never for me, as I found it boring, which maybe says more about me than the program. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Liz))), Bettie, and Charles for your thoughtful supportive posts. You are so right (((Liz))) that there isn’t much to do in a small town, other than go to Walmart and an occasional movie. The GA group fell apart, as so many do. I did cut up my debit card in 4 pieces which was hard for me to do. Imagine not having a debit card every day. What did you mean ((Bettie))) when you said we need to pull the roots out with this weed? What is it I need to do?? Carole

[desdemona]

I gambled three/four days ago and lost money of course. I have decided to cut up my debit card and use my credit card for everything. I have no cash advance on the card so no way to get cash. It seems I need more drastic measures to keep me from gambling. I feel like gambling is a reward for me because I do work hard on my property. I know that’s warped thinking! I had 4 of my granddaughters over this weekend for sleepovers. We gathered a lot of firewood for a campfire, planted grass in containers for the cats and their cat enclosure, went on a nature walk, poked a few ant hills, and the girls collected things they thought were interesting, and they made pictures with what they had collected. We had a campfire and made smores. My granddaughter called us ant bullies for disturbing their “home,” which was an interesting take on our action. No Ipads or TV for the granddaughters! The kids said they felt they were at summer camp! I was exhausted by the time the girls got picked up by their parents! Today is a holiday in Canada (Victoria Day) but I am at the renters’ house doing cleaning and laundry. Danny will be home either Wednesday evening or Thursday morning for a week. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear Lorraine! I’m always excited when I see that you have posted! Life is a huge struggle for you, and even without being a compulsive gambler, you’ve been dealt a lousy hand in life. How is your husband? Are you still working? Recovery is difficult but all we can do is keep trying. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Friends))) for your kind supportive posts. My mother was discharged from hospital two days ago, with Homecare now coming in to administer her meds. She is not making good decisions for herself in terms of her safety, so my brother is meeting with her Homecare case coordinator next Wednesday to start the process of moving her into a place that has 24/7 staffing. It’s crisis to crisis with my mother these days. I don’t have time to post much anymore as I have 7 bedrooms rented out and the bedding and towels and cleaning daily keep me busy. Then I have my own place to clean. I did get moved out of my suite in Edmonton, and it was cleaner when I moved out than when I moved in, so I will get my $450 damage deposit back. Appointments are keeping me busy as well. I have an optometrist appointment today and a mammogram appointment next week in Edmonton. And I have all those pesky errands that need to be done. I’m grateful that I do have cleaning to do as it provides structure in my life. I am having my 5 and 9 year old granddaughters over for the weekend as my daughter is running a marathon out of town. Carole

[desdemona]

I was advised yesterday afternoon that my mother has been admitted to hospital in Winnipeg, due to confusion and disorientation. I’m just waiting to hear from my brother and sister-in-law who will visit her today, as to whether I need to travel to Winnipeg. It’s is hard when a person has aging parents with health concerns, but harder when a parent dies I’m sure. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Friends))) for the lovely posts. I appreciate each and every one of them. Time apart has done us good as we both try and get along better with each other. It does take two to tango. I was feeling somewhat stressed out last night as our pattern is for Danny to pick a fight just before he returns to work, but we managed not to get into a verbal argument. He is leaving shortly this morning to fly out to work. I am at the renters’ house laundering bedding and will do a few hours of cleaning. My daughter will color my hair this afternoon for me at her house. The cat enclosure got finished so the cats can go in and out whenever they want. We still need to put up carpeted perches and I want to sew hammocks for the cats. They much prefer being outside roaming wild but I can’t take a chance that a predator will get them. Pablo caught a mouse and a big raven was squawking a couple of feet away, doing a bird dance as it wanted the mouse Pablo killed. The sun is shining today for a change. It has snowed or rained every day for quite some time, so the sun is a welcome relief. My granddaughters live nearby but they are so busy with school and extra-curricular activities, that I don’t see them but for a couple times a week. They also have friends which take priority over Granny. I booked an optician appointment for later in the month as my vision seems to be declining fairly significantly, perhaps due to the early cataracts I have. Carole

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