[desdemona]

Thank you (((Friends))) for your kind supportive posts. I did something yesterday that some of you aren’t going to agree with me. I had a renter at my house that was/is the husband of a friend. When he moved in, I was told that he needed a quiet place to write poetry and maybe a book, even though he is an amateur writer and has never had anything published. He was depressed and wanted to quiet his mind and pursue his writing dream. I charged him nominal rent as I felt bad for where he was at emotionally. Since he has moved in, he has been developing online relationships with other women, and has bought a plane ticket to the US to go meet a woman he has been communicating with online. I know all this as other renters have told me. His wife would phone me upset saying she didn’t understand what was going on with her husband and when he would be returning home to her. I debated for about 10 days whether to tell her about what was going on with her husband. It became clear to me yesterday morning that as a friend I should tell her, as I would want a friend to tell me if my husband were behaving in this manner. I wanted him to know that she now knew before he flew off to meet this other woman. He came to my house furious and accused me of destroying the trust he had built up with his wife for the past 25 years. He said that he had been trying to get out of his marriage for the past 6 months by letting her down gently. The only person who didn’t know he didn’t want to be married unfortunately was his wife, as he was stringing her along telling her that everything would be fine in time in their marriage. My friend spent the night at my place as he returned to the family home and she felt uncomfortable being there with him. She is talking about moving to Edmonton and I told her to take some time and not make decisions in the heat of the moment. I told her as I felt she needed to know the truth and I wouldn’t consider myself much of a friend had I not told her. I wouldn’t consider a friend of mine much of a friend if they had this kind of information, and didn’t tell me. I felt like gambling yesterday, but stayed home until the bank was closed and I don’t have a debit card so no access to cash. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! It sounds like there has been a significant amount of work done on your basement. Way to go!!! Also nice that your son and his family will be visiting you. I will call you when I’m in your city and if you’re free, we’ll get together spontaneously. I have my Mother, Aunt, and Brother and his family to get together with. I’m looking forward to seeing you and having a meal with you and a conversation. It’s been since February 10th, and I have not had a status report on the lady yet. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Liz))) I could see you volunteering at the closest hospital. Why not do a beginner quilt at a quilt store. They showed me everything as I didn’t even know how to thread a sewing machine, and they showed me how to sew a straight line. I’m almost done cleaning the renters’ house. Mondays are always a big clean as I take the weekends off. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! Do you think that the fear of retiring is because you will lose your professional identity? Who will you be after you retire? A mother, a wife, a friend, and what else??? Working does provide a certain level of socialization. As negative as this sounds, you may have to give up your dream of your husband becoming a recovering alcoholic, as he is the only one that can stop drinking. I don’t say this to be mean and you know me better than that! I will be in your city as my daughter, 2 little granddaughters and I are flying in on July 3rd and will fly out on 6th, so hopefully we can get together for a bite to eat and a chin wag! Carole

[desdemona]

The bottom line for me is that I’m as lonely as I want to be. I am going to change that and start living life. I don’t want to recreationally drink or do drugs for entertainment; that’s just not me! Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Friends))) for your kind posts! A lot has been swirling around in my head since I last posted! I have come to a full realization that I’m lonely because I have set my life up to be lonely. It’s nobody’s fault but my own, and I OWN THAT! I realized that I will never have the same relationship with my 2 youngest granddaughters that I had with their almost 21 year old sister. Circumstances have changed and my daughter has a husband, and her children have really structured schedules with school, dance, soccer, gymnastics, family time, friends, etc. My oldest granddaughter lived with my daughter and I for 3 years when she was born and she was my only grandchild for 12 years. I was like a second mother to her. It was hard to let that go that I will never have the same relationship with the 2 youngest, and felt rejected that the girls didn’t want to spend all their time with me, as ridiculous as that sounds! It was freeing to come to that realization! So how to fix my lonely life. I went to Staples and bought myself a calligraphy set, and art supplies, even though I have zero talent for art. I am requesting to volunteer in the ER at our local hospital two weekends and then have a weekend off, to coincide with when Danny is away. I am going to speak to the ER manager this afternoon. I can answer the phone, stock carts, clean up rooms after patients leave, comfort people, and anything else that two hands can offer. I told my daughter I really don’t have any friends here, but then I corrected myself and told her I do have a couple of dear friends here, that I could call and we could pick up where we left off. I used to make plans and then “not feel like it, and then bail.” In my mind I solved that by not making any plans with anyone, so I wouldn’t have to bail when I didn’t feel like it. I would prefer to go gambling than to settle down and do anything with anyone.

[desdemona]

Dear (((Harry)))! Thank you for your kind encouraging post! Having said that I have lost my taste for gambling still means that I have to be on guard every day, as I could get thoughts and urges at any time. You are right that I have to believe in what I’m doing, and until I do, I’m not committed to doing whatever it is I’ve decided to do. I feel that I need to seize whatever life I have left, and try to enjoy it, to the best of my ability. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((trinitysky)))! It’s lovely to see you posting again. Who knew so much was happening in your life!! LOL! I’m happy to hear that the ex has been left in the dust as when the going got tough, he got going! Not someone you want to share your life with definitely. I’m happy to hear that you have met someone new that is being there for you, but I would caution you to have a long engagement, so that you can see this guy in many different seasons, so that you can really know the man he is. I’m not saying he isn’t wonderful but we women tend to ignore the red flags along the way! My new mantra is “If someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them!!! Happy trails! Carole

[desdemona]

Something “strange” has happened to me! I seem to have lost my taste to gamble. It happened when I realized how much loneliness has been a factor in me gambling. The VLT lounge was the equivalent of “Cheers” the neighbourhood pub, where everybody knew your name. Yes the relationships were superficial but they were better than nothing. I knew loneliness was a contributing factor in my head, but my heart now knows it too. Yesterday I told Danny how lonely I was, and he suggested I take some money out of the account and go gambling. I told him that I didn’t feel like it, and that gambling was not going to solve my loneliness, so why bother. And I didn’t gamble even with “permission.” Today I woke up and it’s a bright sunny day, and my first thought was to take my granddaughter to the beach. There are real things out there to do, instead of gambling. I’m a very slow learner it seems when it comes to recovery, but everyone’s recovery is different, and we all come to the table with different experiences growing up and how we react to them, as well as other issues. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Liz))) and (((P))) for your kind supportive posts. My brother and his wife are looking after the paperwork and appointments to get my mother moved to assisted living. They are moving stuff out of my mother’s suite that she will no longer require. My brother told me that he moved a car load of cleaning products out of her suite. My mother was a cleanaholic when we were kids, so that must have been somewhat traumatic for her to see her cleaning stuff leave. So far I haven’t had to travel to Winnipeg to stay with her. She said she was used to living alone. I was at the bank yesterday to get a manager to sign a life insurance cancellation paper, and they had me and my 5 year old granddaughter wait in the waiting room till the manager could see me. There was a man approximately 60 years old there, and he was on the phone with an online gambling site called Jokers Wild. He was asking them not to take the $800 he owed them out of his account till the end of the month, as he had a car payment due. I tried not to act like I was hearing this conversation and focused attention on my granddaughter. I have never online gambled for money, but I sure could relate to wheeling and dealing, making sure there was enough money in the bank to cover automatic withdrawals, cheques, etc. This horrible compulsion affects so many of us. I have realized very recently that I gambled due to loneliness. Even though the conversations were superficial, it was still being with people I recognized that shared this addiction to playing slots. I have also been thinking that I want to have fun and be silly, and have some drinks, and stop repressing who I am, as in the past that has gotten me in trouble with self-sabotaging. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Liz)))! I don’t often post these days due to not having internet at my place and keeping busy, but I wanted to post to you. I’m so sorry about your youngest daughter being a drug addict, and being lost when it comes to recovery. You mentioned she had been in a treatment program prior, and so many people that aren’t addicts think that a stay in a treatment centre will “cure” addicts. It takes as many times in treatment and detox, as it takes. It takes as much help and support as it takes to get into recovery and then to maintain recovery. As compulsive gamblers we know that! We have learned about what recovery looks like and what barriers we need to put in to work our recovery. To me these are the things that people need to learn as building blocks to a true foundation to recovery. When I went into residential treatment, I didn’t get how important some things were to recovery. It was only through Ken L and GT, that I learned what I needed to do, and that took me years of online support before I could grasp some really important concepts. I wonder if there is a wonderful site for people with drug problems where they too can work a recovery program online? I understand that you must be worried sick about your daughter, and no one can blame you. I pray she finds exactly the right help she needs soon. Your BFF! Carole

[desdemona]

(((Liz)))! I made sure a couple of years ago that my mother had an Enduring Power of Attorney, a will drawn up, and I drew up an Advance Health Care Directive for her, so we are covered, thankfully. The application for her to move to assisted living is in the process and it just needs time to work itself through the system before my mother can move. I’m prepared to go live with her till she can move for her safety, even though I’d be sleeping on a mattress in the living room in a very small suite. The stress overcomes me at times when she is in crisis. I know that worrying does nothing but when it comes to her safety, I can’t seem to stop unless I’m actively engaged in something. One day at a time! Carole

[desdemona]

(((P))) I’m happy to see that you’re back with us on GT. Your last relapse sounds like it’s left you in a very stressful situation. But you’re still alive and your little family is still alive, so there is still hope. I know I should not be anxious and worried but my mother has been hospitalized for a third time yesterday as she fell. If the hospital deems her to medically stable, they will discharge her to where? She is not safe in her own home, and Homecare is talking about her being transferred to the first available nursing home bed. The paperwork for her going to assisted living is not yet complete. Everything is up in the air at this point, and I’m feeling really stressed. I may have to go to Winnipeg on short notice. I have 3 cats, 2 dogs, and 6 renters to clean for daily. My granddaughter does not have a vehicle to get to work from my house. I’m very tired as I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m chasing down 1 1/2 months rent from a company, which I shouldn’t have to do.

[desdemona]

(((Bettie))) It’s good that you are getting those medical tests done. I am waiting to hear when I will get an appointment for a colonoscopy. Those polyps can turn cancerous! I’m not fearful of the procedure as I took a casual friend for her colonoscopy and I know what happens. They give you medication so that you don’t remember the procedure. Liz and I are going to book tickets to New Orleans as soon as Danny tells me when he will be home towards the later part of July. We wanted to know if you would want to come with us. Neither one of us has been to New Orleans and we wanted to get away from our respective homes and not visit each other there. We would allow for 2 days to travel, there and back, and 4 days in New Orleans. I’m sure the people watching is fabulous there!! Carole

[desdemona]

(((Ken))) I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you and your family during these dark days. Carole

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