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Hi Lisa! Congratulations on the gamble free days you have, and on your decision to get into recovery, as you deserve recovery. It is about progress and not perfection. What I found the most difficult about recovery was the pure emotions that came up for me, that I was no longer dealing with by sitting in front of a slot machine numbing out to. It took a time for my coping skills to catch up to where I was in recovery. One Day At A Time! Carole
Oh Bettie! You have such a way with words. Had me laughing at the casino valet ticket. Perhaps the lady didn’t walk out of the casino with enough money to tip the valet! Wish you could use some of that money you got to buy a plane ticket and come visit me. Carole
I miss you P! Do something, anything to break this relapse. Go to a GA meeting every single night for awhile, go see an addiction specialist, see a physician, etc. I love you my sister in recovery, and I know that you can climb out of this hole. You deserve recovery. You have helped me when I have fallen, please let me be there for you. I don’t have a sliver of judgement of where you’re at now, only support. Carole
My dear Bettie! You have soooo much on your plate right now. I am thinking of you and wish there was some way I could help lighten your load, because you mean a lot to me friend. Carole
Hi Bettie! Let me start off by saying that only a kind, loving person would have gone into that home and cleaned and took care of the birds. A lot of people talk the talk, but when it comes down to having to do something for someone else that involves giving of themselves, especially when it’s something that involves work, a lot of people don’t walk the talk. I’m sure that what you did for that man, blessed his heart. I can’t even imagine the frustration and hurt you must feel with the GA group you attend. As far as I understand you did nothing to jeopardize the confidentiality of the group. You didn’t identify the individual who said it was their opinion that you only had abstinence and not recovery for the 9 months. You said nothing to identify anyone else in your group, or anything about anyone else’s recovery but yours. Honestly Bettie, what comes to mind for me is CULT, with certain individuals in your group!! I believe that GA groups are of tremendous value for many, many individuals and if there was a group where I lived, I would attend. Are members not allowed to disagree with what other’s are saying about you, when you don’t believe it to be accurate? Only you can decide for yourself whether this group is healthy in terms of your recovery. I’m frustrated for you Bettie, and I’ve facilitated many groups in my past work experience, and I would never have allowed what was said to be supported by other members, nor by myself. Whoever is leading the group is a gatekeeper, in the sense that people are not harmed by what is said. Carole
Hi Bettie! I know that GA is a wonderful program that helps many, many people. That’s not to say that there are not people in certain GA groups that demonstrate non-supportive behaviors towards others, and that actually harm the person in recovery. And I also know that in some groups, if a person challenges these non-supportive/abusive words, then it’s because you’re not working your recovery the GA way. Sometimes we need to hear what is being said, but other times it’s abuse, plain and simple. And if you say anything, you’re accused of being rebellious and not working your recovery. Only you can decide which it is, but I totally disagree with this individual’s OPINION. Keep up the awesome work in your recovery Bettie! I know that you are an inspiration to many people on this site, and they look up to you on how you have managed and grown in your recovery. I still wish I had been in that group that night. Of course we’re going to defend you, we love you as brothers and sisters in recovery. Carole
Hi Bettie! I was glad to see that Larry posted to you as he always has a lot of wisdom. He makes several good points and the first is that recovery allows us to participate in life, instead of sitting gambling. That to me is true recovery, to be able to enjoy the things we didn’t have the desire or patience to participate in when we were actively gambling. The second is his point that gambling is available 24/7, whereas GA meetings are on specific days and times. You work fulltime, sleep every day, and are a mother, a daughter, a friend, and do attend GA, etc. Not to mention that you have a house to clean, laundry to do, grocery shopping, etc. Don’t allow anyone through their words to take away your awesome achievements. I wish I had been there in your group when that was said. I would have definitely come to your defense. Carole
Hi Bettie! First off, congratulations on 9 months of recovery work. I’m guessing that you were told that all you had was 9 months abstinence by someone at a GA group. It makes me angry, as who are they to judge you whether you’ve worked on your recovery or not? My thoughts are that there is at least one individual in your group that believes it’s ok, and their job, to tell others that they have not been doing recovery work. I find this abusive behavior, plain and simple. It sounds more like the person is projecting onto you their own issues. Anyone who knows you at all and has chatted with you and read your thread, knows that you have made tremendous progress in your recovery. What kind of support group undermines people and their achievements?? Carole
Hi Bettie! I just wanted to tell you that you have done an amazing job with recovery, in spite of having had so many stressors, that would have sent many of us to seek comfort in a machine. Way To Go Bettie!! Carole
Dear Bettie! I keep missing you on chat which sucks for me. It does sound like you’ve had more than your fair share of chit lately. I was reading your posts about when you went to the GA conference. Might I suggest that you give off the air of confidence,independence, and self-sufficiency, and that’s why people feel they can go join other people. They simply don’t think that you need help mingling with other people, and can make your way on your own. I suggest that because, that’s how I come across often, without meaning to. Perceived rejection is a trigger for me, whether it’s real or not. I tend to overreact emotionally. Hope Bettie that you’re having a good day. Your friend always, carole
Hi Bettie, It has taken me almost 4 months to start realizing what gambling has really taken from me, the least of it being vast sums of money. I had the head knowledge yesterday but not the heart knowledge, which is completely different. I was angry yesterday that compulsive gambling has robbed me of the coping skills I used to have. I raised 2 children alone with no financial support from their father, took five years of post-secondary schooling while working parttime and raising these kids. I’m angry that I’ve become a procrastinator when I used to be an enthusiastic motivator of others in getting them on board for projects, events, etc. I have also realized yesterday that recovery is not something that can be played with, as gambling addiction is a dangerous place to be, when a person isn’t in recovery. I have played with it, having deliberate slips, thinking I’ll just start again the following day. In spite of the desperation to gamble yesterday and the emotional pain I experienced, I see that I have made a breakthrough in my recovery. I need to not forget what I learned yesterday. I learn a lot from your recovery journey Bettie. Thank you dear friend and huge congratulations of eight months of sanity for you. You’re awesome Bettie!! Carole
Hi Bettie, I just wanted to thank you for your time you spent talking with me and your encouragement tonight. It meant a lot to me. Today was the most desperate day I have had since I quit gambling. Even when I was gambling the 7 or 8 years I did, I have never had that sort of desperation to gamble. It was a scary place to be. Totally out of control emotionally!! Thank you again Bettie! You are so sweet!
Dear Bettie! I could have told you that you hate your job!! Not to make light of the recession we are in, employment wise, you were looking for a job when you found the bank one. I sincerely hope that you can find a healthier environment to work in because long-term stress has the potential to make us really sick. It was nice to visit with you on chat, and that was a new experience being in on that meeting tonight. it’s a good thing you or I don’t run that meeting room as we could never keep order in there. LOL!
Hi Bettie! No wonder you were feeling crabby on chat, though I enjoy talking to you, crabby or not. You do have a lot on your plate that’s for sure. Most customers don’t realize that banks work the way they do, and that there are quotas to meet. I hope that you sleep well tonight and wake up rested for tomorrow. And that you have a fun, restful weekend. Your friend, Carole