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Dear Bettie, I’ve always wanted to ask you what fwb stands for. I can’t be the only one that doesn’t know, can I? I wish I could say that with recovery comes a whole new life, but sadly what I have found is that recovery accentuates the things that are out of balance in our life. So not only are we coping with having given up escaping through gambling, we still have the day to day problems to contend with. And then we have the problems that drove us to gamble in the first darn place. I wish I could say I was a different person since I got into recovery. I wish I could say I was a happier person since I got into recovery. I’m happy that I’m in recovery though because the alternative sucks. Did you hear that Amy Windhouse died at age 27, possibly of an accidental drug overdose? Carole
Good Morning Larry! From getting to know people on GT, I have come to realize that the ones that have had the most success in recovery, are those that have sought other support besides GT, such as GA, and you mention God. I have a difficult time asking for support, but the total blowout I had on July 19th, with gambling for over 12 hours, took me back to how I felt prior to coming into recovery. The occasional slip here and there didn’t bother me and I’d always tell myself progress not recovery. The gambling blowout really scared me and I realized that my way was not working, and that I would need to reach out outside myself and get the help I waited too long to seek out. I have found qualifed addiction counsellors through Mental Health 3 hours away from where I live, which gives me the privacy to share what I need to share. The GA group closest to me is 3 hours away also, which sucks for winter night time driving, but I’ll cross that bridge when it becomes winter here. You often talk about self-banning in your head and I am having difficulty really grasping that concept. I would appreciate you explaining that to me in detail. I have self-excluded myself from all the casinos in my province but it does not cover the VLTs in every lounge/bar in town, and I have a long history of gambling in these venues as when I started gambling, we did not have a casino in our town. I am very serious about recovery and have worked hard at quitting and also dealing with the painful issues that have come up for me, as well as the day to day stuff. It’s not that I don’t believe there is a God. I have depended on myself since I was seven years old to cope with issues a child shouldn’t have to cope with. I would like to have that personal relationship but I just don’t know how to do that. I’d be interested in suggestions on how to do that. My way is NOT working. Carole
Dear Bettie, You have been truly an inspiration for me since I started my recovery journey. Congratulations on 11 months of recovery. Reading through your thread, I see that a lot of "life" has happened during those eleven months, yet you have managed to stop the insanity of gambling during your trials and tribulations. I hope that you can get your physical issues dealt with soon. I’m excited for the one year mark for you. Carole
Dear Bettie! I’m so glad that you are going to spend time with a friend and relax. Carole
My dear Bettie! Thank you for all you’ve contributed to my recovery, including the laughs we have had together. I am proud to call you my friend. I love your honesty and willingness to really look at yourself and be vulnerable. You are doing an awesome job in your recovery journey, and you inspire me to be a better person. Carole
Hi Kathryn! I spent today reading from page 1 to 161 of your thread, and I have to say WELL DONE on over two years of gamble free time. I love your writing style and your sense of humour. I also see that you are blessed with a best friend that you can share everything with, and have many supportive and loving family members, minus maybe your MIL. LOL! You attend many events and are enjoying them, which I believe is a key part of recovery, being able to enjoy activities, other than gambling. Your traumatic experience with the "Fester" scenario was painful even for me just reading it, so I can’t imagine living through that. I’m so glad the results were negative, but honestly I thought they would be. Had Fester been sure who the father was, she wouldn’t have been slow in providing the DNA samples. You managed not to gamble through your brother-in-law dying, your cat dying, the worries of debt repayment, having to move homes, your husband’s unsupportive behaviors, and even had the courage to change jobs. Again, I say WELL DONE Kathryn. Now that I’ve read your thread, I feel like I know you a bit so look forward to seeing you on chat. Carole
Hi Bettie! I was sooooo hoping your sharing at GA went well. I am not good at public speaking as my nerves seem to get the best of me. I have told you this before but I’m going to tell you this again. I wish you could see yourself as other people see you. You are a kind, loving woman, with so many other wonderful qualities. I’m sorry to hear that you had two friends pass away. I can somehow relate to your ex-love passing away. The first man I really loved passed away a year and a half ago. I was 21 when I first met him and we stayed together for 6 years. He was 21 years older than I was. He taught me a lot about life and we enjoyed extensive travelling together. The relationship ended due to his lust for younger women. I had mixed feelings about hearing about his death. It’s still hard to believe that he is no longer on this earth. In his obituary I read that he had married and had two children. Another younger woman? His wife was living in another city than him, so I surmise that they were separated at the time of his death. At the time of his death, he was living only three hours away from me. I have decided not to go to Samantha’s funeral today. I have been able to process her senseless death and had some pretty down days while doing that. I don’t want to go back there emotionally and I may, if I see how grief stricken her mother and twin sister are. My recovery has to come first. Thanks for your post to me. Carole
Hi Bettie! I miss you! You do have an awesome story because you are an inspiration to many. I so wish that you could see yourself as others see you. Carole
Hi Bettie, God bless you for your kindness to your neighbour and his sister. Smoking is an addiction just like every other addiction so don’t be hard on yourself. I have a friend who had lung cancer and surgery to remove a lobe from her lung, and she kept smoking through all this. I smoke also and I know it’s an unhealthy coping strategy, but to date, I haven’t quit. Insane yes, but it is what it is. Hope you’re having a great day! Carole
Hi Jazz! When I went to the casino to self-exclude I remember feeling a sense of shock when I walked out if the doors. felt totally disconnected from my feelings. It has been one of the very best things I have done for myself, though it does not exclude me from the VLT machines which are in every bar, lounge, and hotel. Your husband sounds very much like mine. Emotionally unavailable, and didn’t seem to care if I gambled or not, as long as the everyday bills got paid, and I didn’t make any emotional demands on him. We truly have nothing in common as far as interests go, other than grandchildren. I have heard numerous ***** that I should get a job as well. He says he doesn’t care if I don’t make any money at it, as long as it gets me out of the house. I don’t want to work for little money, even if it does get me out of the house. A few months into recovery, I decided that I was going to leave him and move to the city because he is so self-centered and emotionally abusive. It felt like it was the right thing for me to do, as I knew he would never even be able to begin to meet my emotional *****. It was the right decision but the wrong timing for me, as the stress of having to look for a job in my field and interview for it, affected my recovery process, as I did not have the coping skills to handle these big changes of going back into the workforce and moving to the city. A friend of mine pointed out that a lot of marriages are based on less than what I had with my husband. She said my husband works, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do *****, doesn’t womanize, etc, etc. That got me to thinking that maybe I could continue in the marriage as he’s away from home for 2/3 of the month, working out of town. So that’s where I’m at now, working my recovery and living one day at a time. Once I sobered up after quitting compulsive gambling, and my thoughts become clearer, and I didn’t have the option of gambling to numb out with, I felt like I needed to address my marriage issues and needed to do it right away. That’s the addict in me that wants to recover now. I’ve heard people say that a person should not make any big changes in the first year of recovery, and I have to completely agree with that, as it takes time to develop coping skills and making big decisions undermined my recovery and led to me choosing to have a few slips. You are right, this site is the mother-lode. I think I have even described it like this as well. Carole
Hi Scott! It was nice to meet you in the chat room tonight. P and Geordie have given you some awesome suggestions on how to get back into recovery. You can do this again as you had five years of clean time previously, and I sense a sincere desire from you to quit again. There is a male who comes to this site who lives in the same state as you do, and he has a lot of clean time as well. What a blessing to have a nice wife and a beautiful baby. You will find LOTS of support on this site. Wishing you the best in your recovery journey. You mentioned you were going to go to a GA meeting tomorrow. Way to go Scott! Carole
LIz! 210 days of no gambling!! That is absolutely amazing! And quitting smoking too! And exercising! I don’t know how you do it, but whatever you’re doing, it’s working for you. Way to go Liz!! Carole
Hi Vera! Well done on your gamble free days, and on asking your daughter to come in with you to self-exclude. The manner in which those gambling venues handle self-excusion seems pretty shoddy. No pictures or documentation! It seems so undergroundish and sealed with a handshake? I bet the only time they would enforce the ban would be if a person won any money. Is there not a central agency that monitors gaming in Ireland? If so, you might want to give them a call and ask about how a person gets themselves banned. Carole
Oh Bettie! The story about the customer slapping your manager is still making me laugh out loud. Hope you’re doing well. Who would have ever thought that we’d become that lady crying, swearing we’d never go to the casino again? Carole
Hi Kin! Bettie is so right about not being able to move forward if we are stuck in regret about the past. Have you considered going to GA meetings several ***** a week Kin, and seeing a counsellor/mental health therapist, and physician? This would allow you to work out your emotions and thoughts with someone who could help you change your way of thinking. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works wonders for a lot of people. It helps you change the tapes that keep running in our head telling us negative things about ourselves, and allows us to reframe these thoughts. I have always found that you’re so hard on yourself Kin. Remember to be kind to yourself. Kin, I love that you helped the blind man and bought your Mom delicious food. There are many, many opportunities to bless others, if we are open to see them. Progress not perfection Kin, Carole