[desdemona]

(((Cat))) The best thing and the only enjoyable thing about my trip to Winnipeg, other than being with my daughter and granddaughters, was the time I spent with you. Thanks for making the effort to come meet with me. Carole

[desdemona]

Thankfully you did not turn into that casino parking lot! It would have solved nothing and you would have felt bad after the experience. I could have gambled in Winnipeg two evenings, as I am not banned in that province. I choose not to, as I wanted that trip to be “clean,” – no gambling! It’s never a hundred dollars is it?? I can’t imagine how exhausted you are after having your grandson for that long……….. And then to get your daughter groceries and organize her. When are you going to claim your time for you, and do the things that will allow you to develop new interests? I’m still on for the trip to New Orleans in September. It’s worth the trip just to people watch and meet new characters. Not to mention seeing each other. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Cat))) (((Kathryn))) (((Bettie))) and (((Liz))) for your kind posts. I have to say that the only part of the trip to Winnipeg that I enjoyed was my visit with (((Cat))). My mother, brother, and aunt are all negative people, and my brother treated his separated wife verbally and emotionally abusive. My first husband was there helping my mother move and he told my brother that he was an a**h***, the way he treated Rachelle. He is going to speak to him again about his behavior towards her. My jaw dropped at times the way he treated her, but I didn’t want to say anything in front of the others that were there. My daughter was very upset with his behavior as well. We did get my mother moved and I helped for 2 days to clean and get her settled. I’m glad that’s over! I’ve done my daughterly duty to get her settled, and all she could say was that she has never felt poorer in her life. She didn’t get to move her kitchen stuff like dishes, pots and pans, etc as she has no kitchen in her new place. They have a communal dining room with all of their meals prepared. I told her you don’t measure wealth with the amount of stuff you have. She had so much help and support moving her and yet she focused on her stuff she didn’t get to move. I know several of you can relate to my comments of what my mother is like. They aren’t going to change. I’m just happy that trip is over! I’m happy that (((Cat))) you got to meet my daughter and little granddaughters. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Cat))) Brunch/lunch on Saturday sounds great. Can you pick a place and time, and I will phone you and confirm the details with you. My daughter and granddaughters can either swim at the hotel or go shopping at the mall close to our hotel. I worked like a dog today, cleaning two houses plus doing laundry. Disinfected and refilled litter boxes, windexed some windows and glass mirrored doors, laundered bedding and curtains, and ran some errands this evening. I cleaned 4 bathrooms today, vacummed and mopped floors. It was almost 30 degrees today and sweat poured off my face for the 6.5 hours I scrubbed. I’m too old for this but didn’t want Danny complaining about anything when he gets home soon. I told him I was exhausted and to please not come home and fight with me. He said it took two people to fight. I told him he could fight with a raccoon, and he assured me he would if there was one. I have to be up at 6:30 am tomorrow morning. Looking forward to seeing you! Carole

[desdemona]

(((Cat))) We are moving my mother on Friday and then going out for a big family supper after that. Saturday around 4 or 5 we are going to my aunt’s place for a quick supper, as she tires easily. We can either get together Saturday daytime or evening after we leave my aunt’s. Is that convenient? We leave to fly back to Edmonton on Sunday and have to be at the airport at 4:30 am, which is a totally ridiculous time. I have to clean my house and the renters’ house today, and pack. Danny arrives home at about 11:00 pm tonight. I am having a colonoscopy on July 11th, and I bought the stuff I have to drink and it’s 4 litres of chalky stuff. I can only have clear fluids the whole day before, which will be traumatizing to my body as it loves to eat. I will have to get an IV which I’m dreading, but I tell myself I’ve birthed 2 children plus I did my donation, so I should be able to handle the colonoscopy. On that note, I’m looking forward to seeing you! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Lorraine)))! When a person gets to be our age, we’ve earned the right to have unshaven legs. For me there has to be a special occasion for me to shave my legs! LOL! I once went for a pedicure and shaved my legs as I hadn’t shaved them for a few months. The girl doing my pedicure pointed out that only one of my legs was shaved and I could have gotten embarrassed but instead laughed and told her I must have shaved the same leg twice. It’s sexy in some cultures not to have shaved legs and armpits!!! On another note, I empathize with your sister having gambled all her money away at the very beginning of the month. I would have been in that situation myself at times, but I have a husband to bail me out. That is wonderful that at the end of the day you can count your blessings for that day, and take credit for the positive things you have done. Some people have heavier crosses to bear in their life, and you have been dealt a bad hand, starting with your husband’s devastating diagnosis at such an early age. Give yourself credit for being there for him as much as you have. There aren’t a lot of people that would have weathered that storm side by side, like you have. Advocating for care for a loved one can be an extremely frustrating experience, and I say that from someone who has worked in the health care system, as well as someone who has had to advocate for my mother in that system. You are a kind wonderful person and don’t let the addiction and some behaviors define who you are. At the end of the day you still have a beautiful heart. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! How wonderful to read that you got support from people when you most needed it. There is a lot of truth in what you said about just asking for help. I am just wondering why Jenn’s boyfriend wouldn’t have dealt with the furniture and giving it away if they weren’t taking it, instead of leaving it for you to deal with, especially when you have so many health problems. You’re the one left to deal with the landlord. I hope you won’t miss Jenn too much or your granddogs! Carole

[desdemona]

(((Cat))) Of course I’m going to find time when I’m in your city to get together with you. I just don’t know when at this moment. I have all 3 of your phone numbers already in my purse. OMGosh! The mosquitoes are so bad here these days that a person can’t even go outside, even in the daytime. We are staying at a hotel close to Polo P… Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((P))) and (((Vera))) for your kind posts to me. I am trying to lessen my stress by changing what I can. I did up the dishes and am in the process of laundering clothes. I still have to do a good vaccumm as there is dog hair everywhere. I can never stay on top of it, as they get hair all over the curtains as they look out the window. I could knit a small dog a sweater every 2 days with the amount of hair these dogs shed. I called my credit card company to inquire what my balance was for the month of June. I almost fell over as for one month it is $3,579.23. In my defense, $1,300 of it I spent on 2 tops, a pair of pjs, and 4 fancy bras and underwear. I use my credit card for everything as I no longer have a debit card, as I cut it up. Thankfully we have the money to pay for the charges and I paid it online today, which makes my stress less. Now if I could just get my desk organized and clutter free, I would feel like I accomplished something. (((Vera))) How nice that you and your husband are going to the UK for a trip. Have you ever considered that your son may have mental health issues, and needs more help than you can give him? Way to go on a gamble free month!! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! You do seem to have a lot on your plate right now! I can’t imagine how stressful that would be to have a two hour wait for customers waiting to see bank personnel. People get crazy when it comes to their money, and might panic with a change of ownership. Why couldn’t someone in management call those customers that have left a message as it would be clear to them that people were lined up in the lobby? It has to be difficult having just the one child and not having her close by. I like Vera’s idea of having some mother/daughter time after Jenn is settled in. I know that won’t be easy for you financially, but perhaps she could visit you. How is your ebay business going?? Take care of your health as best as you can, and stand your ground gently with the new owners as you don’t want it to become an adversarial relationship with the new owners. My boss at one time told me that there was only so much that we could do in an 8 hour day, and once we left the workplace, leave the undone work at work, and don’t take it home in our head. Easier said than done I know! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Lorraine)))! I’m so sorry that you are having such difficulty finding the right support for yourself. Some people that answer crisis lines or are mental health therapists are just not qualified to understand addiction and mental health problems, as their knowledge is from books and they haven’t had enough life experiences to truly understand. I used to be one of those and when I had a man come to see me for gambling addiction, I truly didn’t understand and gave him some suggestions about taking a different route home, etc. I meant well but didn’t understand the compulsiveness of this gambling behavior. I met with the director of the addiction office seeking help with my addiction and she told me she didn’t understand gambling addiction, and asked me to tell her about it. One would think that she would have qualified staff seeing as we have a casino and a huge gambling problem in the town I live in. As disheartening as your attempts to get the help you want have been, keep looking for help and support. I know that you are at a very low point in your life, and I wonder if it would be helpful to write down the good things in your life and focus on them. I know that sounds trite but it’s a starting point, and it isn’t going to solve your life problems but it may make you feel a little more positive about your life. Moment by moment you can change your life. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Liz))) for your kind post! It’s good to hear that you are encouraging your grandson to live a healthier lifestyle, by engaging him in physical activities like swimming and walking. I have been feeling stressed out since I informed my friend that her husband was lying to her. Plus the trip to Winnipeg always stresses me out, as that’s where I grew up and was abused by my father the pedophile. He lives in Winnipeg. I’m looking forward to getting away and stressed at the same time. I was feeling like gambling on Friday so I stayed home and didn’t go to the bank, which means I have no available cash to gamble with, thankfully! Lots of free time but no money!! LOL! I had several symptoms of a heart attack last night, but chalked it up to stress, which it was. I took a sleeping pill and went to bed, not caring if I woke up or not. The only thing that worried me about not waking up was that my place was unkept. Dishes, laundry, and pet hair everywhere. So today I will address some of these chores! Carole

[desdemona]

(((Liz)))! I don’t know where you get the energy to keep up with your grandson and for three weeks. I love my grandgirls but could never care for them for 3 weeks. I hope that you buying another house and your daughter renting it from you works out, as your grandson would benefit from living in the same place, and not moving around. It’s great that you and your sister reconciled, but I’m sure you won’t be letting your guard down anytime soon!! That was pretty awful what she did to you right after your husband died. My new mantra is that when people show you who they are, believe them. Like you, I always want to believe the best in people, even when they show me over and over again, that they have their own agenda, and it’s not in my best interest. I have been binge eating this past week and last night I had symptoms of a heart attack, but I thought it was stress, so I took a sleeping pill, and went to bed. I’d hate to go to Emerg for nothing, and look stupid. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Cat))) (((Bettie))) and last but not least (((P))) for your kind supportive words. I know I did the right thing but it sucks to have hurt my friend. The good part about it is that she is now in the driver’s seat with him, instead of running after the car, trying to figure out where his head is at. She wants to believe his lies as he does damage control. He’s texting me, phoning me, and left me a note saying he could sue me for breach of trust. I don’t respond to anything he says other than I’m not going to discuss this with you when he shows up at my place. I really don’t like drama even though I’m a cg. I try and live my life one day at a time, and just know what I’m going to do for that day. I wish he would sue me, because the truth is the truth. (((Bettie))) The right thing to do is to clean that rental unit as you or Jenn don’t need a lawsuit about money owing. You have enough stressors in your life right now and the landlord is a d**k, so why engage him anymore in your life. (((Cat))) I will call you when I’m in your town. My brother phoned me yesterday to say we would be moving my Mom to her new place, when I was in town. We will also have to clean the suite she is vacating. I hadn’t expected that and that will take some of the short time we have (Thursday afternoon and leaving Sunday at a very early hour.) We will have to be at the airport at 4:00 am. I’m an insomniac so that should be interesting. (((P))) It sounds like you have recovered emotionally from your last gambling binge. Financially always takes the longest. We had the longest winter in history and now it rains almost every day even though it is our “summer.” I’m looking forward to having a break from where I live and getting away for a few days to visit my Mom and other family. She isn’t going to be around forever. It will be interesting for Danny to have to keep up with all the hair the dogs shed (golden labs) as well as keeping up with the litter boxes and the cats puking up hair balls, etc. I’m just glad to get away from that!!! Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Friends))) for your kind supportive posts. I did something yesterday that some of you aren’t going to agree with me. I had a renter at my house that was/is the husband of a friend. When he moved in, I was told that he needed a quiet place to write poetry and maybe a book, even though he is an amateur writer and has never had anything published. He was depressed and wanted to quiet his mind and pursue his writing dream. I charged him nominal rent as I felt bad for where he was at emotionally. Since he has moved in, he has been developing online relationships with other women, and has bought a plane ticket to the US to go meet a woman he has been communicating with online. I know all this as other renters have told me. His wife would phone me upset saying she didn’t understand what was going on with her husband and when he would be returning home to her. I debated for about 10 days whether to tell her about what was going on with her husband. It became clear to me yesterday morning that as a friend I should tell her, as I would want a friend to tell me if my husband were behaving in this manner. I wanted him to know that she now knew before he flew off to meet this other woman. He came to my house furious and accused me of destroying the trust he had built up with his wife for the past 25 years. He said that he had been trying to get out of his marriage for the past 6 months by letting her down gently. The only person who didn’t know he didn’t want to be married unfortunately was his wife, as he was stringing her along telling her that everything would be fine in time in their marriage. My friend spent the night at my place as he returned to the family home and she felt uncomfortable being there with him. She is talking about moving to Edmonton and I told her to take some time and not make decisions in the heat of the moment. I told her as I felt she needed to know the truth and I wouldn’t consider myself much of a friend had I not told her. I wouldn’t consider a friend of mine much of a friend if they had this kind of information, and didn’t tell me. I felt like gambling yesterday, but stayed home until the bank was closed and I don’t have a debit card so no access to cash. Carole

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