Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
My Dear Bettie! I can so relate to what you are saying about not wanting to be in photos. I try and avoid them at all costs. In the past ten years I have put on weight and don’t feel good about it, but obviously don’t feel bad enough to do anything about it. I have struggled with weight all of my life. It too is a symptom of underlying pain, just like compulsive gambling. Your explanation to family members of not wanting to be in any more pictures should have sufficed, and you telling them that you were going to have an anxiety attack, had you stayed, should have brought out compassion, and not the relentless attack you suffered. We can’t choose our family but we can put boundaries around people that affect our self-esteem, including and especially family. I’ve adopted the attitude that what you see is what you get, and if people don’t like it, it’s their problem, because my weight doesn’t define me. It doesn’t take away from the caring person I am. And it doesn’t take away from the beautiful person you are, inside and outside. Carole
Hi Bettie! Your cousin sounds like an exercise in total frustration. Dr. Phil said that people that make other people wait for them consistently, have an exaggerated sense of how important they are. You have a lot of patience because after what I considered a reasonable time, I would have said I wasn’t going and went back to my room. Were your kitties angry that you were gone? I had a cat like that once. He would sit and turn his back on me till he got over being angry. At least they have each other for company. Have you done a lot of step 4 work? I hadn’t planned to yet, but the universe orchestrated events that have forced me to recognize my many character defects and the ugly side of me. I don’t think it’s a character defect but I do excessively worry, so I am going to start finding strategies to manage that. The long and short of it, is that I’m not feeling like such a success recently, even though I have not gambled. But with pain in recovery, I expect growth. Step 4 is making me feel like crap. Carole
Dear Bettie! The second best thing about going away, I find, is coming home. Sleeping in your own bed and getting back to eating home cooked food. You mentioned that your family is insane. Isn’t that the norm for most families? I hope you had some fun on your trip anyways!! Carole
Dear Larry! First of all, I want to congratulate you on almost 27 months of gamble free time. It’s a great accomplishment and a witness to other rcgs that it can be done, a day at a time. What a brilliant concept the one day at a time. I have wanted to tell you almost from the start that I was having a difficult time getting to know you and getting close to you like I have with other people from this site. Getting close to other people is difficult for some people as it represents fear that they can be hurt by that person. For myself, I would rather risk being hurt than not getting close, but I do choose the people I want to be close to. Most of us don’t have any big events in our life on a day to day basis. My life would be considered boring by most people. I don’t work and am home alone most days as my husband works out of town. The big event in my life right now is the new GA group. When I started to read your post where you said getting to know myself would be getting to know you, my initial thought was "now there’s a cop-out." But then I read the rest of your post and was very happy to see that you did share some of your personal life. I am interested to hear about what you do when you go to New Orleans, what you saw, what you ate, etc. And I’m sure you have cute or funny stories about your granddaughter. But of course that will be up to you whether you let us into that part of your life. I hope that you know me well enough to know that none of this is meant as critisism. I just want to know who you are besides being a rcg. Carole
Hi Larry! Just checking your thread to see what’s new. You don’t post a lot about yourself and what you’re up to, so it’s difficult to get to know you. The gal I asked you about moved on after about 9 days. She found a job cleaning on the military base on the midnight shift. Because the company wouldn’t pick her up at my place in the country, social services put her up in a hotel in town, until she gets a full pay cheque. It was nice to have some company. I remember one time asking you about how to mentally ban myself. It took me about 9 months before I was able to do that. Happily, when a thought comes into my head about gambling, I can just dismiss it, because I have finally realized how dangerous this addiction is, and sitting in front of a machine is not worth risking my life for. Thanks for all the support you have given me. Carole
Dear Bettie, I am VERY proud of what you have accomplished so far being gamble free for over a year, having quit smoking, and your three work-outs last week. I didn’t even make it to the month mark with the quitting smoking, so I know how hard it is. And to try and lose weight so soon after quitting smoking is asking really a lot from yourself. You’ve had your health scares lately and that would throw most of us off balance in our lives. Plus your actual health issues. And your support person at your job site leaving is stressful. I can’t imagine anyone saying that you had a negative attitude in the workplace. Obviously that person you vented to in your workplace does not have your best interests in mind. I hope that you have a wonderful time in Florida and at the wedding. Your friend always, Carole
Dear Bettie! Sorry to hear that this happened to this lady, and I do hope they find the males who did this to her. I didn’t want to call them animals because a lot of animals behave better than that. And at 7:00 am, perhaps it’s drug addicts! Hope I see you on chat today. Carole
Dear Larry! Thank you for your kind post to me. I have to say that the past two nights have been hellish for me as I’ve had problems sleeping and once I do, I’m awake several times during the night. Obviously this situation with Helene is weighing heavily on my mind. I wish I would have read your answer to my question before Helene came here because I know that you’re right about some of the things you said, like her telling me what I want to hear, that she is tired of being unsettled. I don’t expect that things will be an different for her this time around, as she is accustomed to not having a place of her own and changing jobs every few months. Deeply entrenched behaviors are difficult to change unless a person is very motivated. Her last two jobs, the road construction one and a job cleaning in the oil field camps, she was involved in a lot of drama there. In spite of being a rcg myself, I don’t like drama or chaos; I enjoy a quiet environment free of stress, with lots of time to be online. She has told me she will help in the house with painting, etc. and she is not a lazy person. I am alone most of the time so I may enjoy having her as company, especially over the long cold winter. I do trust her with caring for my dogs if I go away, so that too is a benefit to me, as I can’t even go overnight anywhere ever unless I have someone to come in and care for my babies. She has never come back to my home after drinking too much but she did come back one night having smoked weed, and I didn’t care for her personality change that day. I am going to take it a day at a time and see how it goes with her. I am allowing her to stay and hopefully she’ll look for a job in a camp like she says she is going to. She did complete 5 years of income tax she had neglected recently and the gov’t took her refunds and applied them to her student loan so she no longer owes for that, which I see as a positive. I am just providing her a place to "crash" so I’m not going to get my hopes up that anything will change with her. Thanks for helping me fully realize that. That way I won’t be disappointed when my efforts to "help" her don’t materialize into anything but more of the same. Carole
Dear Larry! I want to ask your advice on a situation. Last year I met a woman in her 40’s who was working as a flag person on a road construction crew. Because I had an accomodation business I allowed her to move in for a few months and charged her very reasonable rent which she paid me. She has previously been in a rehab program for alcohol and smoking weed. She is also a compulsive gambler when she has the funds to do so. This woman has three adult children but is constantly moving from job to job after a few months and has no home of her own. I have met her two sisters and her one daughter and they are lovely people. She moved from my home after a few months as she went to spend time with friends who have a similar lifestyle as she does in a different part of the province, after her road construction ended. She is now staying with a friend in town here and has plans to take a bus back to where her friends of similar lifestyle are and look for a job there. She called me asking to "crash" at my home tomorrow night and I said yes. I offered her money for doing some cleaning and she readily agreed. She did have her things stored at my place after she moved but when I started recovery I asked her to move her things as I did not want any friends directly or indirectly that were addicts and not in recovery, around me as I was unstable in my recovery. She has no vehicle as she was charged with a DUI several years ago, and has fines to pay, etc. I called her this morning and talked to her and asked her if she was tired of living like she was and being so unsettled and she said she was. My question to you Larry is how much to help her as we all have had a leg up at times in our life. I’d appreciate your input. Carole
Dear Bettie! The news from the OB/GYN does sound a lot more promising than the news you received yesterday. I’m sure you are breathing easier today. What a relief!! So happy to hear your news. Carole
OMGoodness Bettie! I don’t know what to say, except that your news is freaking me out too. Nodule in your lung and in breast. I pray that these are beneign (SP?). Please let me know about your appt tomorrow. Will you be able to get an ultrasound or mammogram right away? I hope so! Thinking of you Bettie! I"m here for you and can be there for you too if you need someone to hold your hand at any time. Carole
Dear Bettie! It’s interesting the things we get to know about people on these sites. Yesterday evening Jazz mentioned that my husband should have left for out of town work on Tuesday. I had to laugh as she knows my husband’s schedule as well as I do. And you, you have Thursdays off and tomorrow you’re hoping to get results from your scan. And about your job and your daughter, and the cats, and the FWB. We get emotionally invested in each other here and that’s one of the wonderful things about this site and SH. I am dearly hoping that your results are only good ones. We share in each other triumphs and discouragements, and we can count on each other. Friends of the heart! Sorry to hear about the priest. At least now he can get the help he needs as I’m sure his life was a living hell like the rest of us pre-recovery. Carole
Dear Bettie! Earlier this week I’m drinking my morning coffee (sans cigarettes) and I feel something in my mouth and take it out and it’s a drowned fly. You stepped in it; I almost swallowed it. Not a pleasant way to wake up. Carole
Dear Bettie! I am attempting to take your advice about surrendering to heart, to the best of my ability to understand the concept as it relates to staying quit smoking. I have told myself that smoking is not an option anymore so I had better get used to that. Are you still coughing?? Carole
Hi Bettie! I hope your weekend is going well and that recovery is treating you well. I have way too much free time on my hands the past few days and the coming week. Thank goodness I’ve had no access to enough money to gamble because boredom is a trigger for me. My dogs are having a lazy Sunday afternnon nap, and I do believe I’m going to have a bubble bath and it’s pjs and TV for the rest of the night for me. Carole