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Dear Bettie! I went to the post office yesterday to pick up my mail and in the contents of my mailbox, I found something had been mailed to me from someplace like Pittsburg. I thought to myself, I’m not expecting anything in the mail, so was a bit annoyed that someone had "wasted" money mailing me something that was just going to end up in my recycle bin. To my surprise it was a book called The Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie. I then realized that you had ordered this book for me and it made my heart happy that you would do such a kind thing for me. Thank you! Thank you! Carole
Thank you Larry for your your kind post. I was composing a post on my thread and you managed to get your thoughts posted before I had a chance to hit the post button. I believe there are few coincidences in life. I realize that I have been depressed for months and that I was cutting off sources of support, and pushing people away. Even when Bettie was visiting I didn’t realize how depressed I was feeling. I "napped" in the afternoon when she was here, because I didn’t have the emotional energy to cope well. We never did have a margarita night nor did I have the energy to bake a saskatoon crisp for her. I feel bad about that. I do believe that my depression started when my granddaughter was diagnosed with bi-polar and a (borderline personality disorder- very treatable if she could get the help mental health said she was going to get). My granddaughter has always been an honor student and has received awards for leadership, and had wanted to work in the humanitarian field, ever since she was a little girl, perhaps in other countries. Now she just struggles to stay alive daily, and suffers emotionally. I remember being in San Fransisco with her some years ago, and her seeing a homeless person on the street. She cried and insisted that we go to McDonald’s and buy him "lots of food," and that she pay for the food with the little money she had. She refused me paying for it; it was important to her that she buy the food. I see it as a good sign that the gambling after effects are getting more severe for me when I do gamble. It’s like putting your hand on a hot stove element. Eventually a person will get it, that they will suffer everytime they do it. I have decided that I will seek counselling in the city when my granddaughter has her appointments. Thanks for being my friend. Carole
Dear Bettie! I would never call anybody lazy that works fulltime like you do. And with all your health issues, girl you’re doing good to do what you do, in terms of what you do on days off. My house gets to be a mess every day with 5 renters and 5 pets, 4 of them dogs. I have been feeling low emotionally lately and overwhelmed with the new dog’s behavior. Mowgi is peeing in my house again, jumping up and biting Ruffuss in the face anytime anyone talks to or pays any attention to Ruffuss. And he is barking a lot in that high-pitched bark of his. He peed on one of the renters work boots and woke one of the summer students up at 4 or 4:30 am. Mowgi is not popular with the renters right now. I also realized that because I have 3 renters whose home is clear across the country, and never go home on their days off, that I never have a day here, where there isn’t at least one renter here. One of renters works 8 day straight and then has 7 days off. Previous crews of renters I have had, would go home for 4 days at a time, which would give me my house to myself for at least a few days. Sent hubby and past owner of Mowgi an email saying things are starting to unravel here with Mowgi. Hope you have a good day. Carole
DearBettie! Sorry you feel you wasted a day! I got up late and then after helping my niece sew some quilt blocks together, decided to have a nap, and woke up four hours later. You work fulltime hours so I can certainly see that you would need a down day on a day off, plus you feel you may have been on insulin that you had negative reactions to, like being allergic. Plus all the physical pain you’ve been under.I have been giving serious thought to my skelton thin brother-in-law, his recent heart attack, and what I eat. He was a bacon and egg breakfast eater and beef and potatoes. I’m thinking I need to change my eating habits. How many McDonald or A & W burgers and fries can a person eat before it’s too many and it tips the health scale? I don’t think I want to find out. It’s like Willie Nelson saying if he knew he was going to live this long, he would have taken better care of himself. Thinking I should fast tonight and go get the blood work my doctor ordered about 6 months ago for me. I dreamt my doctor was in the last stages of dying during my nap today. Thinking I would go back to not having junk food in my house like I used to do. If hubby wants junk food he can go buy it himself. The doctor told my brother-in-law to quit smoking his pipe. I don’t smoke a pipe, only cigarettes. LOL! Carole
Dear Bettie! Sorry to hear that your shoulders and neck hurt so much. Pain can be exhausting physically and emotionally. Have your brothers always been that supportive? That always feels great when good things happen like someone blessing us with something unexpected like a free Rx. I hope that the change in insulin helps you a lot. Hope you feel better very soon. Carole
Waiting to hear that you’re home safe and sound. Thanks for the enjoyable visit. We could have used another day at West Edmonton Mall to look around. Bettie is referring to a sex boutique. Lots of nervous giggling and laughing going on. Bettie knew what everything was and its exact application, and gave us a lesson in sex education. Carole
Dear Deb! Decided to post on your thread about the coyote issue. Coyotes eat many, many cats and small dogs. As a matter of fact, I lost a teacup black poodle to a coyote a few years ago. Mandy was the only dog I ever bought from a breeder. Months later, my Bouvier brought back the fur and bones from my poodle from the river valley and was chewing on them. I was freaking out so my brother-in-law came over and took it away from the Bouvier. Coyotes will come right up to your step to get a small animal. I can hear the coyotes right now howling. Larger dogs they will pretend to play with them and lure them to where a pack is and the pack attacks the dog. Also outside of my husband’s office downstairs, stood a huge bird of prey with huge talons one time. They will also carry off cats and small dogs. They build big nests on top of utility poles and this utility worker guy told me that they often find animal collars in the nests. One of the not so good things about living in the country. It is scary and until I got Mogee yesterday, I didn’t have to worry where my dogs were. Carole
Dear Cat! I am so sorry to hear of the demise of your precious grandson. It’s impossible to understand why these things happen so late in a pregnancy. I feel for the parents of this baby as well. Their hopes and dreams for this child also **** with the little one’s passing. Sincere condolences to you Cat! Carole
Dear Nelly! Have you gone over to meet the new neighbours? What about explaining to them that you have special ***** kids and that at *****, they do act out and make more noise than maybe most people? If they knew that, maybe they would be more tolerant and bang the walls less. Nelly, unless you work at a zoo or at a pet store, iguanas and snakes have no business being around you and making you nervous. Could you ask the person who owns them to put them in their cages when you’re there? I’m afraid of snakes; they creep me out. Carole
Dear Bettie! I didn’t aleep much either last night. I’m very excited that I get to see you and my hubby tonight. I can’t hardly believe that the day has finally arrived. It’s been kind of like waiting for Christmas to arrive when you’re a kid. It’s almost too much excitement. It’s hot here today! Carole
Dear Flyora! You have not lost all the gamble free days you have. You just had one day that you gambled. You mention physical pain. I haven’t heard you mention that before. I am wondering if your contact with your Mum and brother triggered a lot of emotional pain and that’s what you had to escape from. Like Ken L says, there isn’t a problem that gambling doesn’t make worse when we are compulsive gamblers. Keep doing what you were doing before you had your slip because you were doing amazing. I’m sending you a hug across the ocean. Carole
Dear Bettie! Being the hopeful romantic that I am, wouldn’t that be a love story to reconnect with this guy and it turned out to be happy ever after. He liked you before because you said he gave you your first rose……… I know it’s just lunch. Did some laundry and house work today and the summer students painted some of the sheds and cut the grass, so we went out to BP for supper. I was going to make a raw vegetable salad to bring to the big supper at the lake tomorrow, but it would have meant I had to stop at the grocery store, so I decided to bring a big pot of yellow and green beans from my garden instead. I killed my back bending over picking them, and then I had to clean them and tip and tail them. Then I had to stand at the stove while I cooked a big package of hamburger for my dogs. Those flipping dogs! And they are right there underfoot while I’m cooking as they know it’s for them. My daughter got injured today riding her long distance bike. She has bruises and scrapes, and she hit her head so hard that it dented her helmet. It really scared her as she knows what it’s like to have a brain injury as I had an assisted living group home for people with acquired brain injuries. I’m tired tonight from doing odds and sods today. I hope to get a few more things done before we go to the lake tomorrow. I don’t know if I want to participate in the ash scattering aspect of it tomorrow. I don’t want to know where her ashes are scattered. It’s just too sad for me and I don’t like that it’s being held in conjuction with my sister-in-law’s father’s yearly memorial party. Surely this dear woman who devoted her whole life to taking care of a military husband and five sons, deserves a day of her own. Carole
Dear Flyora! There are many people who do not understand what it’s like to live with a mental illness, and your Mum may be one of them. They don’t understand that it is a fight to stay alive a lot of days, and just because someone seems to function on a daily basis, that their minds are worrying about what could happen in the future, and they don’t see a point of being alive. I know this as I have had several conversations with my granddaughter about it. I understand what you say about not feeling a closeness with your Mum. I feel the same way about my mother. She didn’t protect any of us as children, and when I see the damage it’s done with each and every one of us, I think she could have done a better job. I have telephone conversations with her and pay for her medical alert unit monthly, and that’s the extent of our relationship, except sending her cards and a money gift for special occasions. Hope you get a job delivering flyers as it would get you out more, and the cash will come in handy for all sorts of things. Carole
Dear Liz! Well good for you for saying no. We all know that you love that little guy dearly, so no one would ever say that it was because you didn’t want him there. Nice that his Dad showed up and you all had dinner together and played some board games before they left. So it seems that your daughter traded one addiction for another. If she is compulsively shopping, she isn’t going to save any money while staying at your place. Maybe she has a large debt load from all that shopping, like credit card debt. Maybe she’s on the way to becoming a hoarder as well. Maybe it’s time to stop enabling her. You could make it clear to her that you don’t think that her moving to your place would work for either of you, but that you would be willing to take care of your grandson till she can establish a place of her own. She seems to have a lot of friends. Maybe she can go stay with them and save money. Having your grandson is more than a fulltime job, and I know I couldn’t do it due to age, fatigue, etc. Why can’t she sell some of her "stuff" and get the money for a damage deposit and first month’s rent. It’s all about choices! Seems like she cares more about her "stuff" than her son. That’s very sad! Some might see taking in your grandson as enabling, but I see it as protecting him. Your daughter ***** to start taking responsibility for herself and she won’t do that until she is forced to, or refuses to do it. I had my first baby at 19 too and I was far from the perfect single Mom, but it is what it is. Your daughter has to deal with her issues and move on, just like the rest of us. My 2 cents Liz! Carole
Dear Bettie! Just checking your thread to see what you’re up to, but you haven’t posted today. What are your weekend plans? I slept for about 14 hours yesterday. I seem to do that on occasion and don’t know why. Nobody needs 14 hours of sleep. I’m taking 2 of my renters to the lake for a big family party on Sunday. Monday is a stat holiday called Heritage Day. I imagine the day is to celebrate multi-culturalism in Canada. We even have a stat holiday in Alberta in February called Family Day. It’s a day to do things as a family, and they provide lots of free things to do. I took the police report hubby did up to the station here, and hubby is upset as they want him to come in and do the report, not just get the form from some guy and get me to bring it in. The girls at the station were amused at the picture he drew of the supposed moose. He likes to think that he can circumvent the rules and do it "his way." My renters are having a campfire. The same campfire I prepared for you and I. They are drinking beer and invited me for a drink. They are polite 20 year old boys. They are playing their Newfoundland music which I enjoy but it all sounds like pirate music to me. Carole