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Dear (((Bettie)))! It’s interesting that the topic of lonliness comes up just now because I too have been pondering this recently. For me, I have come to the realization that I’m as lonely as I want to be. I should be out there in my community doing something, like taking a course, volunteering with the seniors, working somewhere parttime for fun, etc. I do enjoy seeing people I know when I go out into the community. I say that going to Walmart is a social occasion for me because I stop and talk to people I know. That’s pretty sad! Debbie has the right idea about perhaps signing up for a bowling league or something else. I tend to isolate myself at home on the computer and my social life pretty much consists of spending time with my granddaughters. I could get out there and go to the farmer’s market, the craft sales, home and business shows, community galas, etc, but I tell myself that I don’t need a thing for my home, and I have nobody to go with to the galas and nothing to wear. All excuses not to put myself out there. Sorry you’re having trouble at work. I’ve said this before that where you work sounds like a shark tank. Instead of goals, it would seem that the focus should be on customer service. Fighting with neighbours when a person lives so close to them, is not a good thing, and can become a real stressor. When I had the crazy renters living 75 feet from me, even when she wasn’t aggrevating me with her craziness, I still felt aggrevated by them. Maybe do something totally unexpected like befriend them. Invite them over for a glass of wine and cheese and crackers, and then they will probably become more friendly and respectful of you. If you and Debbie decide to get together, let me know. Maybe I can fly out there and meet you guys. I might come with three dogs in tow. My dogs do tie me down, but there must be people out there that leave their dogs home alone for the day when they work. My one dog is in and out all day long, even in the winter. Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! Nice to see you posting more often. That was such a nice supportive thing you did cooking that food and bringing it over to your brother’s. Where is your brother’s daughter at the present time?? My granddaughter has not being doing well for a week now. Today she was sent home from work as she had a big anxiety episode and was throwing up and crying in the bathroom. It makes me angry that her biological father was never in her life and didn’t financially support her, and all her ever gave her was a gentic predisposition to bi-polar disease. it’s so hard to see these young people be so affected by mental illness. Danny and I are taking her to her mental health appointment on Friday in the city. I’ve committed to doing a garage sale with my friend Ingrid on Saturday at an indoor venue. I don’t know how well that’s going to do. Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! It is a good thing that your brother has you, as being so distraught about his daughter, he is unable it seems to advocate fully for himself. It sounds like he really does need to take care of himself first, or he isn’t going to be able to be there for his daughter. Sounds like he needs all the professional support he can access as well as family and friend support. The news from your doctor is certainly not welcome. I know people with degenerative disk disease, and it’s good that you are seeing a specialist, who will be able to present you with treatment options. When is your appointment with the specialist?? Sorry to hear that you have more health issues to add to your already long list. Life just doesn’t seem fair at times. Has your brother-in-law managed to find another job yet?? Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! Where are you these days?? You used to post often on your thread and on other people’s threads. I miss you. Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! You have mentioned those new vlt machines to me, so you must be thinking of them a lot. Vlt machines have a lower pay out rate than slot machines at casinos. Maybe it’s because they have to pay a certain percentage to the owner of the bowling alley, bar, restaurant, etc. I am banned from the casinos but the ban doesn’t include the vlts. I have a long history of gambling at the vlts, and trust me, you don’t want to go down the same path as I have, gambling at places you can’t ban from. You can lose as much money at the vlts as you can at the casino. Your family is going through a lot of stress right now but you can’t own that stress. I’m sorry to hear that you are having so much pain. That is wearing on a person and I can imagine that a person would want to escape from the pain for a few hours. But gambling is not the answer to any one of our problems. You would be opening a world of hurt should you choose to play a $20 bill in a vlt. Maybe get a $20 bill and do something nice for yourself such as buying yourself something, go to a movie with it, go for lunch with a family member or friend, etc. Treat yourself as you deserve good things in your life. Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! Maybe you should open a savings account for the money you make on ebay and call it your vacation account. Sell everything you don’t need and simplify your life. Did you and Deb talk today? She mentioned to me that she may not go into work today. I hope she’s feeling better. Tell her I’m thinking about her. Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! Read your last post and have to agree with you on points you made. I know that my life had become unmanageable while I was in my active phase of gambling, and that I had become so emotionally ill, that it scared me into recovery. But I can’t seem to accept that the machines have beaten me. I know they have financially, but there is still a part of me that doesn’t want to believe that I cannot gamble again, and win money. I know i’m not going to win a jackpot as I’m banned from the casinos, and the max the vlts pay is $1,000. And I also know that if I’m up $500, I still can’t walk away as I want more, and won’t leave until I have lost evey bit of cash that I can access. What has to happen before a person "surrenders?" Carole
Dear (((Larry)))! I have to agree with Harry that perhaps you should identify what was going on prior to your relapse. That trip took too much planning for it to have been related to complacency, too much pride in your accomplishments related to gambling, etc. I suspect that it was related to your wife and daughter you lost due to your compulsive gambling. I could be totally off the wall here, but I believe that we are supports to each other, but that other people’s life situations "trigger" feelings in us in situations we haven’t totally come to terms with ourselves. There is a lot of talk lately of people leaving unhealthy relationships (Bettie, Debbie, and myself), and having met two of us, makes our posts a little closer to your heart I would imagine. Or I may be projecting my own thoughts onto you. None of what I said may apply in your situation, and if it doesn’t I’m sorry for crossing that line. Carole
Larry-Can I phone you? If so can you email me your phone number. Carole
Dear ((Larry))! Let me start off by saying that you didn’t let me down and I still feel that you’re solid in recovery. You haven’t lost your clean time, only your clean date has changed. I do have to say that I’m very surprised that you gambled. What was happening that you decided to gamble? I’m sorry for you that you have to deal with the consequences of having gambled, emotional and financial. Your friend always, Carole
Debbie and Icandothis- thanks for making me laugh out loud! Hi Dear ((Bettie))! Thanks for phoning me yesterday as my emotions were up and down. it’s always nice when friends phone or email me when I’m going through a bit of a difficult time. It’s always good to have a laugh with a friend. The moment I hung up with you, Trish from Gamtalk called me. Let us know how your doctor’s appointment goes on Thursday. Carole
Dear ((kathryn))! I wanted to post on your thread because I wanted to thank you for your support and encouragement over the past almost 22 months. You inspire me as you are such a nice caring person. You’ve done incredibly well on your recovery journey. I hope to be a "Kathryn" and will endeavor to do so, a day at a time. Carole
Dear Bettie! I think that in past times before your Aunt was born, if a woman became widowed, it made financial sense for an unmarried brother to marry the widow and raise his brother’s children. There were no social programs like they have now. Did she divorce the husband to marry the brother or was she widowed? That would be a bit creepy to divorce your husband and marry his broher. AWKWARD! I am finding out that I don’t/didn’t feel like I deserved recovery, and until a person starts feeling like they do deserve recovery, they are going to have a tough time achieving total abstinence from gambling. What are your thoughts on this? I am starting to see that slips do nothing but punish ME. I am so happy that I managed to get through yesterday without gambling. I could have had 2 EXCUSES to gamble: death anniversary and my husband getting so angry at me. When I finally take that purse out of the bag and start using it, look out! Carole
Dear Bettie! Sorry to hear that your Aunt passed away, but happy to hear that she was a wonderful person and Mother, and that you got to visit with her recently. Was she your Dad’s sister? Good to see that you’re not lurking in the shadows anymore. Did you go to your GA meeting tonight? We had a beautiful Indian Summer kind of day today. I miss Mowgi a little but don’t miss his high pitched bark and his busyness! I only have 1 renter now so things have quieted down again. They will be really quiet when Danny goes back to work. I like him home but it drives me crazy his almost constant need for attention. I was on the way to my friend’s house to help her pack the other day and he phoned me saying that if I was coming out to the lake, I should bring him his medication, and he sounded like he was dying. It would have been closer for him to go home and get his meds than for me to drive back home and then out to the lake, so I told him that he’d have to go home and get them and maybe get someone to drive him if he was that bad. Long and short of it, I asked him later in the day if he had gone home to get his meds, and he said he hadn’t because he was doing OK. I know him so well and it was his way of getting me out to the lake. I keep reminding him of the boy who cried wolf too many times! Carole
Dear Bettie! I thought that something emotionally based was going on with you, but wasn’t sure what it was. I have been busy with hubby home for 12 days (leaves to go golf Sunday evening with his friend, and back to work on Tuesday). And with helping, not enabling hubby’s daughter and friend Ingrid, who is probably at the Amsterdam airport as I write this, waiting for her long flight to Uganda. Plus this whole Mowgi scenario! And renters and cleaning and laundry, etc, etc. And then there was the lake party in the pouring rain. I wore my winter coat, hood and all, as I wasn’t going to be cold out there. I would suggest that you get yourself a skilled counsellor to help you navigate your dealing with those memories that come up for you. Mine was a painful journey in individual and group therapy dealing with my abuse issues, but one that was worth taking. I still need to deal with some parts that come up over the years, as a person is never completely healed I have found in my own experience, and the experiences of others. But it does get a lot better over time. That darn onion seems to have too many layers to peel at times. I became a compulsive gambler because I had inadequate coping skills for my emotional pain. If we heal from our pain, and learn new coping skills, we have a healthier, happier life! I saw a boat called One Day At A Time for sale, and a motor home called The Gambler. Hubby thought he should buy that so you and I could go touring the country. I would never buy a motor home called The Gambler. (((Bettie)))! Carole