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Dear (((Liz)))! It’s good to see that your family is rallying around you and your husband. A suggestion may be to use some of the time that family is visiting to get out and recharge your emotional batteries, or simply to nap, so that you don’t get sick yourself from the stress of caregiving. You are very competent and that is not a sign of weakness to look after yourself. You can’t do it all yourself. I know that because I have worked with many palliative clients and their families. One of the things that happens with terminally ill people in the progression of their disease is anorexia. The person loses interest in eating. My mother-in-law would get angry if family members tried to force her to eat, so they finally stopped making her eat. I think of you every day on this journey you and hubby are on. Carole
Dear (((Liz)))! Hard to believe the insensitivity of some people in your husband’s workplace! Sorry that you have to go through that. Being forced to quit a job and go into "retirement" is a huge loss for most men. When a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness, there are many losses that occur along the way for that person. I have heard the uncontrollable coughing of people diagnosed with lung cancer. As tragic as my brother’s death was, it did reconcile many family of origin relationships. I had had no contact with my mother for almost two decades. We now have a friendly relationship. It’s good to hear that your daughter is seeking recovery, and that you’ve all become closer. That was the silver lining in my brother’s death. Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! Did the 8 to 10 inches of snow hit your city?? I woke up to a winter wonderland of hoar frost on the trees, and was a bit surprised by it, as I expected it would be smooth sailing into spring due to the warmer days we have been having lately. It was a nice idea about what we talked about yesterday, but obviously not the right timing. Hope your pain diminishes by the day, and that you’re good as new soon. Carole
Dear (((Liz)))! I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this. I can only imagine as I have worked with caregivers and it is lonely, stressful, and isolating for them. I’m amazed that you aren’t stressed out all of the time. It’s a challenge to manage everything concerning your life together as well as your husband dying before your eyes, and I suspect that you don’t have the time or luxury to deal with your own feelings at this time. You are doing what ***** to be done and I commend you for being able to keep it together. You are an amazing woman with a lot of strength. Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! I’m glad to hear that you did have your surgery, and that you are now on the mend. I thought the condo association was going to deal with those nasty neighbours. The insurance company calling you to see what arm it is, is ridiculous, in my opinion. Hope you fully recover soon. Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! I’ve been counting down the days till your surgery today, and hope that everything goes better than even expected. Sorry that you had all the hassles of finding someone to drive you to your surgery, and to help you after. Like you, I start my day with coffee and find it disruptive when I can’t follow my "routine." I’ll be thinking about you today and hope to hear from you soon as to how you’re doing. Carole
That wasn’t nice of them (((Bettie)))! My feelings would have been hurt and I would have felt rejection. Sorry that happened to you. Your reaction was appropriate from where I’m sitting. Is your surgery still scheduled for the 27th?? Why is it that us cgs do so much for other people and then when we need help, there are very few people willing to inconvenience themselves to meet our needs? Wish we lived closer to each other. Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! I just checked my calendar to see if I could fly out and help you, but Danny flies out on the 28th, to go back to work, and I have those darn dogs to look after. I would have liked to be able to do that for you. What day in March is your birthday?? Carole
Dear (((Neva)))! The house you are building sounds dreamy! I can visualize sitting on the bench looking outside and feeling deep satisfaction, while you oversee your property. We live on ten acres that overlooks a river valley and I never tire of the view. I love nature and seeing deer sometimes with their newborns gives me a sense of awe. I love watching the birds I feed every day, and feel good that I’m helping them survive the winter by providing them with a reliable food source. We see the occasional bear and bob cat, as well as rabbits, coyotes and moose. We once saw a whole bunch of fireflies at the wood edge and it was truly magical. My granddaughter and I saw three otters making their way back to the river. We have slept outside on lounge chairs in sleeping bags close to the fire and watched the Northern Lights. My granddaughter and I used to explore the river valley and once saw a whole field of wild marigolds in the early spring. It was truly breath taking!! I know the country life is not for everyone, but for those of us that love the solitude and quietness, it’s priceless! Both of us have been truly blessed! Carole
Dear (((icandothis)))! I had to laugh out loud when I read our description of the concert, because I have experienced that with my granddaughter. She wanted me to drive her and her friend to a "MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE" concert in the city, so I agreed to go with them. The first band that played was so incredibly loud that even putting my fingers in my ears didn’t even make the noise level something tolerable. Every single song sounded like screaming and before their set was over, I told my granddaughter that I would wait for them in the car, so I never heard the band we had come to see. I don’t think I missed much to be honest! The things we do for our kids and grandkids!! Great that you choose the haircut over the casino! Who knows what could have happened had you not!! Carole
Wow Larry! That was a close one!! Great that you had the presense of mind to drive out of that casino parking lot. My counsellor would say that stepping foot in a casino to have a buffet meal, was irrational thinking for a cg. Hope you have a enjoyable, fun week on your vacation. Carole
(((Bettie))) Sorry to hear that you’re going to owe money to the IRS. I don’t believe it’s good to cheat the government as they are even less kind when they find out, and then there are penalities and interest and lots of stress. I talked to the accountant today and he said that I should put away a lot of money as my income tax bill for 2013 will be huge, due to my rental income. Danny said don’t claim all of it, but I wouldn’t do that. I do believe in God and Karma and that we reap what we sew. It just seems that it’s one thing after another stressor with you. Hoping that good things come to you soon. Carole
Dear (((Debbie)))! Even though bingo or scratch tickets or lottery tickets or horse racing, etc is not our **** of choice, it can be a slippery slope. If a person were to win a sunstantial amount of money in any one of these contexts, it could trigger urges to go again and again, and that would become our **** of choice. I dislike bingo because I find it boring and stressful. There have been ***** in my recovery that I have wanted to satiate my urge to gamble through playing free slots or going to bingo. Somehow it just doesn’t cut it for me, and just kept the addiction going. It made me want to gamble at the real slot machines. I’ve also wanted to deal with my stress through having a drink, even though I rarely drink. I do comfort eat which sucks, but it is what it is. I have always had a man in my life and have never not been in a relationship. If I were single I would take a year and live alone, with no romantic relationships, just to experience it and to get to a healthier place where I don’t need a man to depend on emotionally or financially. Everyone is different but it could be something you enjoy. I just am concerned that you may be jumping from the pot to the frying pan. When we aren’t healthy emotionally, we tend to pick the same kind of abusive relationship, we have just left, even though it appears that the person is not like the other person at all initially. We tend to recreate unhealthy relationships as we feel we don’t deserve anything better unconsciously. Trust me, I’m the ***** of unhealthy emotional relationships. Carole
Dear (((Reds)))! I had been hoping that the ultrasound had not been accurate. Like I said in a previous post, I’ve heard of other couples that have been told their baby was going to be born with DS, and it hasn’t come to pass. So happy that baby is healthy! I agree with Vera that the baby would have been welcomed no matter what. Carole
Dear (((Cat)))! It truly is awful that this young Mom has to die and leave her babies behind. Life just isn’t fair at *****. When is the fundraiser and what kind is it?? It is a heart-breaking situation for sure, for everyone involved. Does Ruth’s daughter have a husband that can raise her babies?? It doesn’t make the situation less painful, but it would be good if she did. Take care (((Cat)))! Carole