[desdemona]

Thank you (((Liz))) (((Vera))) and (((Bettie))) for your kind posts to me. I am finally recovering from the nasty cold I had for 2 weeks. It knocked the stuffing out of me. Today is a no school Monday so I am at my daughter’s looking after my granddaughters. It is also snowing for the first time this year. The girls were out at 8:00 am making a snowman. As for not gambling, those green Xs keep accumulating on my calendar. It hasn’t been that I haven’t had thoughts and mild urges but with the support of Danny moving any extra money into another account that doesn’t have my name on it, it’s been a lot easier. He never wanted to help me before. I got his attention by gambling huge amounts of savings money, which was my goal. I have more gamble free time than I have ever had. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you to all my (((Friends))) who have posted to me, even though it’s been a very long time since I posted. At the moment I am battling a bad cold which is about 9 days old. I have been coughing and sleeping a lot. I have gone through some really dark days regarding my situation with Danny, but at the moment, Danny is being kind to me, as he is backed into a corner which I’m not going to get into here. I was feeling a bit better yesterday evening so my friend and I went out to supper. I coughed pretty much the whole night after that, and am not feeling as well today. Prior to getting ill, I was without a cell phone for 11 days as I left it in a hotel plugged into the wall. My phone sat on the front desk for over a week before they decided to mail it to me, which is lousy service as the rooms were over $200 a night. I also didn’t have internet as the renters screwed around with the cables and lines. I felt really isolated with no means of communicating, other than driving to my daughter’s and using her internet and phone. I don’t want anyone to worry or be concerned about me, as I am fine now, other than this nasty cold. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((P))) for your kind post. I have to confess to gambling yesterday. Why did I gamble? Because I am a compulsive gambler, have a lot of stress in my life with my relationship with Danny, and have been working a lot on my property and perhaps felt that I needed a “reward”. I don’t feel good about myself, and feel even worse after I’ve gambled. I can’t pinpoint any exact reason why I gambled. I had renters money in cash in an envelope on the counter and asked Danny if he would deposit it in the bank on his way back to work and he said no. That is like leaving a drink in front of an alcoholic and expecting them not to drink it. Maybe I felt unsupported in managing my addiction and that gave me the green light to gamble. It is what it is, and today I will not gamble. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you my (((friends))) for taking the time to post to me, even though I have not posted to you for a very long time. The wedding is over and it was so much fun as it was so unique, a real refection of the couple. I have spent the past 2 days cleaning my own home, and now that I’m somewhat organized, I can start thinking of all the weeding I am behind in. Summers are always such a busy time for me. I watched a program on TV that talked about how the brain worked, and they said trying to resist an addiction doesn’t work, as the human mind is not evolved enough to do it with just resistance. In order to be successful a person has to add diversion in there. In other words, we need to get busy doing other things, other than our addictive behaviors, which for me is because of lack of impulse control, and habit for the most part. I will start posting to others, very soon. Carole

[desdemona]

Welcome to the GT community! With a one and three year old, as well as working outside your home, I can see why you would want to escape for a while. Gambling for those of us that become addicted goes from an escape, to a hellish existence very quickly. As well as barriers to access cash to gamble, it would be good for you to have some “you” time that doesn’t involve gambling. The money you spend gambling could be used to hire someone to care for your children so that you can get out a bit on your own or with a friend. This addiction is progressive and unless arrested, will create more and more problems in your relationships, as well as create debt. Please don’t wait to get help as many of us gambled for many years, before we hit our bottom. Many of us considered suicide as a way of quitting gambling and ending our emotional pain. You have two little children that need their Mom present physically and emotionally as they grow up. We can’t be there emotionally if gambling thoughts are on our mind constantly. There are blockers that you can put on your computer so that you can’t gamble online. The staff here could advise you which ones are the best. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! You have had such a busy time with your basement renos, your family visiting, you working fulltime, and everything else life throws at you. Those boxes in the garage could yield money. My daughter and I had a garage sale and we made $964 for my 9 year old granddaughter’s education fund. I am finding that so many people I encounter in my life are attached to things. Without their things, they feel poor! I made up some pink neon poster boards with big black letters and we had so many people come to our sale, even though my daughter lives in a sub division that not a lot of people are familiar with. Do you have any time off coming up? My mother keeps falling almost regularly but she is stubborn and doesn’t always use her walker. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Liz)))! Just a thought about your heart medication. Can you get your pharmacy to call a pharmacy in the city and get the city pharmacy to give you a few pills to tide you over? You sound exhausted and fed up with the dog and pony show this new property has involved. Hopefully it will all be over soon, and you’ll have some good quality “you” time. I read your posts but have been busy with looking after my grandgirls, but that will be over soon. Danny is going on a golf trip in October probably in Alabama. He tells me I should go somewhere, but I can’t think of anywhere I’m dying to go. It’s too cold to do the Oregon Coast this time of year. Carole

[desdemona]

It’s regrettable that we have to lose so much before we hit our bottom. Thankfully you have found your way to recovery. Gambling addiction leads us to isolating ourselves as we seem to have no other interests other than gambling. I find that when I have a lot of time on my hands, I start thinking of gambling. I also start wanting to gamble when my husband is mean to me. Way to go on paying so much of your debt off, as debt can be stressful. What would you grow on your organic farm? I weed everything on my acreage by hand and don’t use any pesticides whatsoever as I have pets, but most importantly, I don’t want to contaminate the soil. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((P))) and (((Liz))) for thinking about me. I don’t post as I’ve been busy babysitting my granddaughters for the past 2 weeks. The 5 year old starts fulltime kindergarden on Tuesday so I only have Monday to look after her. My daughter went back to work fulltime, so I’ve been helping her out with the kids. I have my renters’ house to clean and of course with my own home and with three cats and two hugely shedding golden labs, there is a lot of cleaning there as well. Danny’s daughter is getting married on September 13th and we have a lot of groceries to buy and have at her place on the 12th in Edmonton. After the wedding my life will settle down drastically. I am seriously thinking of starting to quilt again as a winter project. I have booked myself a manicure, pedicure, and a facial for tomorrow. Every thing is calm on the gambling front and I have gone back to putting green xs on my calendar for every gamble free day. Danny is home for 2 weeks because of his shift rotation and his daughter’s wedding. That should be interesting but I’m taking it a day at a time. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Liz))) for your post. I am babysitting my granddaughters as my daughter has gone back to work today for the first time in 9 years. I have committed to do so until they both go back to school and kindergarden starts in 3 weeks, and regular school starts in 2 weeks. I set my alarm for 7:00 am today so I could take my time having coffee and getting over to my daughter’s. My daughter and I held a garage sale this past weekend and we raised almost a thousand dollars which will go into the 9 year old’s education fund. I’m glad it’s over as it was a lot of work getting ready for it. Danny suggested taking a hundred dollars and going to double it. I flatly refused as it’s never a hundred dollars and I don’t need to gamble, nor did I want to. I will be making suppers for my daughter while I’m here, plus I will be returning to my place to clean the renters’ house during the afternoon. I have a lady staying that works midnights, so I can’t go clean till later in the day so she can sleep. I’m thinking one day at a time, or I will become overwhelmed. Carole

[desdemona]

I was sitting in a restaurant with my granddaughter and perusing the Edmonton Sun when I came across an ad seeking compulsive gamblers for a research study at the University of Calgary. I called the number when I got home, and they interviewed me over the phone. One of the interview questions was to go back over the past 2 months and identify the dates gambled and the dollar amounts. I asked her to phone me back and I went online to my bank account, so that I could give her precise information. I used to gamble almost every day and consider myself to be in recovery as I only occasionally gamble. When I totaled up the amount of money I had gambled away, I was shocked. Most days of the past 2 months I didn’t gamble, but to my amazement and shock, the amounts that I had lost were staggering. I said to the lady that it was a real eye opener for me, as I considered myself to be in recovery, yet I was still losing large amounts of money. That was a wake up call for me. I could go on a vacation every month with the amounts I have been losing. The study is a year long, and focuses on changing attitudes, so any help is welcome. The three main reasons I identified were loneliness, escape, and social interaction. Any fool knows that cgs only say hello to fellow cgs and might ask how the person is, but that we are there to gamble, period! Escape doesn’t hold up to any examination either, as all gambling causes are more problems, certainly not an escape. I can’t believe how I have been deluding myself that I was doing so much better because I wasn’t gambling most days. I’m happy that my eyes have been opened to this. On another topic, I was on the phone with a new renter who was having trouble finding my house, and all of a sudden a helicopter landed in my yard, and Danny is telling me come on, before the helicopter leaves, and he has his camera bag slug over his shoulder. I was totally confused as to what was happening, so I went outside and there was a helicopter waiting to take me/us for a ride. it was a belated birthday present for me as Danny had been out of town on my birthday. I was confused, shocked, and hyper excited. I have never been more surprised in my life, and people that know me know that you have to get up real early in the morning to surprise me. Danny had cut the grass in what I thought was geometrical patterns, and I thought Danny was just being Danny. In actuality it was a big H that the grass had been cut in. I never saw the H until it was pointed out to me. It was so the helicopter could know where to land in my yard. I didn’t sleep a wink last night because I had been so hyped up. I have 7 renters in my house right now so that adds up to a lot of cleaning daily!! My daughter and I are having our garage sale this coming weekend and I’ll be glad when that’s over. Danny leaves to go back to work tomorrow for 2 weeks. I’m behind in my weeding but it is what it is. We went to 2 birthday suppers while Danny was home. One of them was at Danny’s family’s lake lot, and I hadn’t seen his family for close to 2 years, but I made the effort to go, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I am making an attempt to not fight with Danny even when he baits me, and I’ve been fairly successful. Life is busy but good! Carole

[desdemona]

(((suerodgers))) Your name sounds very familiar! Did you start a thread on this site some time ago, or am I confused as I often am??? I can understand the fear of telling your family you have a gambling problem, and not wanting it to ruin your weekend with the grandkids. You may want to identify your resources and come up with a plan of how you are going to work recovery when you tell your family of your problem. Like the rest of us, you will have to identify barriers that you can put in to help you stop gambling. Perhaps you can ban yourself from all gambling venues, let your husband manage the money, go to GA meetings if that suits you, go for counselling, seek an inpatient rehab program, etc, etc. Each person’s situation is unique, so the barriers they put in are unique. I’ve been in recovery coming up 5 years on December 27th, and it hasn’t been perfect, but it has saved my life. Keep coming to this site and posting about your feelings, challenges and accomplishments, as it truly helps. As cgs we isolate yourself so that we can continue gambling, thinking what we are doing is secret, but really a lot of people know that we have a problem. Maybe they don’t know what the problem is, but they do know that we have become mere shadows of who we used to be. They know the joy has left us in our life, to a large extent. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Lorraine))) Thinking of you and hoping that your life becomes easier soon! Non-cgs would find it hard to believe that gambling can affect a person’s life in so many nasty ways. You need to give yourself a big hug for standing by your husband for decades, with his horrific diagnosis. There are not many women that would have been able to do so. Sending you a hug from the next province. Don’t give up on the red convertible Oregon coast dream. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Liz))) and (((P))) for your kind posts! I had strong urges to gamble yesterday when I was in town having lunch with a friend. I thought of going after I dropped my friend off at her house. I knew that I was putting off some cleaning and gambling would have allowed me to avoid the work temporarily. I told myself to go home and get the cleaning done, and then if I still wanted to gamble, I could go back to town. After I did the cleaning, I still had urges but not as strong, so I told myself that I was home, safe and sound, and that if I gambled that I would likely lose money, and it wouldn’t be a good way to start Danny’s days off, with a possible fight. Long and short of it, I didn’t gamble. I have a renter at my house who is an alcoholic. He can’t wait to get home and start drinking after work. We have developed a pretty close friendship, and I debated whether or not to talk to him about his drinking. We were chatting about other things and then I asked him whether he had ever considered stopping to drink. He said he had been thinking about it lately, as his nephew had sent him a birthday wish calling him drunk uncle Kyle. I said that I wasn’t saying he was an alcoholic, and he said I am an alcoholic. I shared with him some of my feelings and thoughts of before I got into recovery, and how ill I was emotionally. I told him I wasn’t judging him, but because I cared about him as a person, I had decided to talk to him. I don’t know if any of it will make a difference in his drinking, but I’m happy that I did talk to him, even if our friendship changes, for the negative. I tell myself it’s not any of my business, I shouldn’t get involved, etc, but it is our business to share if we have a relationship with them, and are concerned about them. That’s my opinion anyways!! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Kathryn)))! Congratulations on your new job! It can be disheartening to look for employment and I’m so glad that part is over for you. You will rock that new job!!! Carole

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