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desdemonaParticipant
Thank you (((Liz))), (((Cat))), and (((Neva))) for your kind posts. Sorry to say I gambled yesterday. It was a deliberate choice on my part, as I had to go into the bank to get enough money to gamble with. I had originally had an appointment for 3:00 for my eyelashes and I was out of there by 3:45 and my bank closes at 4:00. I thought the bank would be closed by the time my appointment was over as it usually takes an hour, as they attach longer individual lashes to your own lashes. My plan had been to got to walmart after my appointment and pick up cases of water. Prior to the appointment I had spent several hours cleaning the renters’ house. I wanted some "relax" time away from grandkids as they are in and out of my place throughout the day. Not a good choice on my part but it is what it is, and today is a new day. I told my husband about it on the phone, and he didn’t get angry or make derogatory comments. He is home tomorrow to go away on a golfing trip with a friend in southern Alberta. Today I will make it to Walmart as I will take a grandchild with me. Having my coffee and then off to do more cleaning and laundry. Carole
desdemonaParticipantTrue that (((Bettie))) that no win would ever be big enough for a cg. Not even millions as that would kick start the addiction into high gear. One cg that works at a local bank hit a $104,000 jackpot and I would venture to say that it deepened her addiction. In all the years I gambled and all the days I gambled, my biggest jackpot was $5,000, and I put it in the machines that night plus a bunch of my own money. When we are actively gambling, money has no value other than to make the reels spin. I wondered why you deleted the post to me. My granddaughter and I are having a garage sale this weekend so more work for us. Danny has returned to work today but for only a week as he has taken days off to go golfing with a friend in southern Alberta. He is also talking about going with the same friend to Louisiana to golf soon. Your favorite grandchild is riding her quad on my property. Yesterday I wanted her to stay home with me instead of going to playschool. She told me that they had called her teacher and the teacher had said she wanted her in schoool. Lie number one and before 9:00 am. Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Bettie)))! I have not had my computer for over a week, so I am just now catching up with people’s threads. Sorry to hear about your childhood friend passing away. What a horrible experience to have school staff weigh the two of you. Today that would be grounds for a law suit!! I hope that the bonus pay gets sorted out really quick, and that you get a big pay out. Sorry to hear that you are in such pain! Those darn gambling urges seem to come out of nowhere at times. I was feeling depressed earlier this week and had serious thoughts of going gambling. I decided that I couldn’t deal with more depression if I went gambling, so decided in the sense of self-preservation not to go. Gambling as we know contributes nothing good to our lives. I find that when I am feeling overwhelmed or tired that gambling thoughts present themselves, but as my daughter so eloquently told me, a person can’t cope with life, by gambling. A nap is so much more satisfying than gambling. Living in the day and having goals for only that day seem to help me as well. Breaking down overwhelming tasks into smaller tasks also helps me. I am not putting in a vegetable garden this year, nor am I planting many annuals this year, as that makes for more work such as weeding and watering with the hoses. I’ve got enough to do, without trying to be Martha Stewart. Hope the pain in your shoulder calms down soon. Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Bettie)))! Sorry about your friend dying. You obviously made a huge impact on her if she is talking about you at the end of her life. Wow!! That workplace of yours sounds like a soap opera. I don’t like drama or uncertainty so I would be stressed out waiting for the sh** to hit the fan! It sounds like your manager could be let go. A girlfriend and a wife??? Not good! Sorry to hear that your neck and arm are rebelling on you. It’s not surprising though as you didn’t return to work on modified work to give your body a chance to adapt to working fulltime. I wonder why your doctor didn’t order that?? I hope that you get a lot of money from your bonus so that you can clear up some debt. Hang in there girl and be happy that you’re not part of that drama going on in your workplace, and can sit back and watch it all unfold!! Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Larry)))! Good to hear that you didn’t use that rental car to "go out of town." Also good to hear that you aren’t "white-knuckling it" in your recovery, and six months is a huge achievement, not to mention four years of gamble free time. You and Kathryn inspire me that long-term recovery is possible. Way to go! Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Bettie)))! I wanted to see how your first day back went, and I can see that it was not so good. Sorry to hear that!! All I can say to encourage you is one day at a time, and try your best to take care of yourself. How is your knee?? Carole
desdemonaParticipantThank you (((Friends))) for your supportive posts. I’ve been doing well and been busy with mostly cleaning and laundering bedding since I got home. Cat- I can’t believe that the police said he wasn’t doing anything criminal so they weren’t going to escort him off my property, until I said that I was going to call his employer. He’s a total control freak and he thought I’m sure that he was going to beat me at my own game. I have another renter who is a foreman at the same company and who works with Rob. He said that he had a little talk with Rob yesterday, and told him to stay away from my property and that the company would take a dim view of his actions towards me. Summer has arrived here. The leaves are blooming and it has been hot. Wednesday I am driving my granddaughter to her mental health appointments. My daughter will come over and do what ***** to be done at the renters’ house, and make sure the dogs are taken care of. Tomorrow I am having my winter tires changed out to my summer tires. No gambling urges but need to stay on guard and not access any money. It’s a crazy disease because even though I don’t enjoy gambling, I still have done it. Go there hoping to win some money, and then feeling stressed out when the machine keeps eating my money so fast, hoping to win back the money I have lost, and occasionally winning it back, only to lose it again, and then go get more money to continue gambling well past the point of exhaustion. Who in their sane mind does that?? Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Vera)))! Great to see that you have a new thread that you opened for yourself. I hear a brand new attitude in you, and it’s great to hear that you are no longer in the throes of your gambling addiction. Have you put in financial barriers for yourself for paydays?? Cash in my hand is a huge trigger and I often get cash from renters, which I need to deposit quickly or I might gamble, as I have done in the past with some of that money. I have a $100 withdrawal limit from the bank machine, so that helps me stay on the straight and narrow. I can no longer access cash from my credit card which has been a huge blessing for me. I am banned from all the casinos in the province I live in. Plus my husband has educated himself on how to monitor our account online, which is a deterrent for me to not gamble. I find the more roadblocks I can put in, the less urges I get. It gives me great pleasue to see you not suffering emotionally anymore due to gambling. We get to choose whether we want to stay in the insanity of our emotional illness or learn to cope with life’s challenges without gambling. We get that choice one day at a time. Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Liz)))! I too have been unproductive today, though I will have to go to the renters’ house and clean there. I just take my time and that way it isn’t stressful. Danny said I should have called his brother to deal with the situation with the renter, seeing as he’s not home. I think I managed it in the best way I could by staying away from Rob after I left the house, and while the police were taking to him, so as not to escalate the situation. I’m sure he will blame me for his life going bad, as he is one of those people who can’t accept responsibility for himself. I’m very relieved he is gone from the house. I am going to leave a written communication for the other guys that Rob is not welcome in the house to come and get his food, or to visit any of them. He has a boundary issue so I can see him thinking he can come back and visit the guys. How did you find out your neighbour’s condo had been foreclosed on, and that it would be auctioned off tomorrow? That whole family are toxic people and the sooner they are gone the better. I believe that they are retaliating on you, and I feel that Rob may retaliate against me also. I won’t be going anywhere overnight for a while, as I need to keep an eye out for what’s going on here. It seems that Rob can afford strippers but not the rent. I emptied his garbage can and there were magnets with pictures of strippers, thanking him for the good time. I don’t care about the unpaid rent, only that he isn’t in my house anymore. Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Kathryn)))! Fiji sounds wonderful; I’ve never been. Well done on having that 3 hour nap, instead of giving in to those strong urges you had. That takes courage and fortitude to resist the urges, and you did it!!! Way to go also on the healthier lifestyle changes. I have to agree with Sherry that most people, if not all, that gamble on a regular basis, will become cgs. There just isn’t the awareness of how addicting gambling can be, like with drugs and alcohol. So much research and money has been put in to make it the addicting experience it really is. Congratulations on every single day of gamble free time you have. Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Sherry)))! I know the joy of baby calves as we had a calf here from Danny’s brother’s hobby farm, whose Mom had ****. We bottle fed him twice a day, and he would drink the whole bottle of milk in about a minute. I think that the one calf who was mimicking your actions has imprinted you as its Mommy, and believes you are Mom. Maybe you can teach it to give you kisses. You do sound very busy with the construction of your new house and everything else you do. Busy is good with some self-care thrown in for good measure. There’s nothing new under the sun when it comes to gambling for us cgs. Watch our money spin around until we have accessed and lost every dollar we can. I know I don’t want to live the way I used to, which was hellish in the throes of my addiction. We have EVERYTHING to lose and nothing to gain with gambling. Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Debbie)))! It’s great to hear that everything is going so well for you. Having spent time with Bettie myself, I know that she kept you laughing with her stories. How’s Bruno?? I don’t have email right now, but when I do, you need to send me your address, as I want to have a blender delivered to your apartment as a house warming gift. Summer is a perfect time to blend iced drinks. Take care and Happy Mother’s Day to you. Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Liz)))! Hope you have a Happy Mother’s Day!! You deserve it! I woke up today with a sore back and a headache, probably due to the way I slept last night, which was not well at all. I went over to the house yesterday evening to see why Rob the bad renter wasn’t moving out. He gave me a letter saying that I had bul***d him, and a bunch of other garbage and that he was going to be ***** me. He claimed to have receipts for rent paid for May, signed by me, which is totally a ***. He got verbally aggressive with me and said that I was going to listen to HIM. I told him I didn’t need to listen to him and walked out. He said I could call the police if I wanted to, and I left the house and called them and two police cars drove into my place, with one officer in each car. The police officer came over to my house and asked if I would let him stay last night as Rob told them he worked at 5:30 am, and I was adamant with the officer that he could not stay, and that I wanted him escorted off my property. The police said they were there in a peacekeeping role and that the renter hadn’t committed any crime under the criminal justice system. I told the officer that unless they escorted him off my property, that Rob would not have a job the following day as I was going to phone the oil field company he works for and report his **** use. That’s when the police decided to escort him out of my house and property. Wow! I never have had to evict a renter before and it got ugly on his part. I did fear for my safety when I went to bed as one never knows what a person like him will do, as he was insistent that I couldn’t have him removed frm my property. He has food in my house still but I am going to make it clear to the other renters that he is no longer welcome to visit them in my house. They can bring him his food but the police will be called if he shows up here again. Other renters told me last night that he would urinate over on the grass while standing on the verenda, and that the young woman he brought home woke them up with her clicking high heels, walking through the house. He is a married man by the way. One of the guys who rents from me works with the evicted renter, so that should be interesting. Rob is on self-destruct and it won’t be long before he loses his job himself. He has "ran" my house since the day he moved in, like it’s his own, with no respect for other renters. Oh, the glamourous life of a landlord! Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((P)))! Sorry I haven’t emailed you lately. My email is asking me for a password which it hasn’t since October, when I changed it, when I was going to leave Danny. For the life of me I can’t remember it, so my email program is not letting me in. I need to take my computer in and have the hard drive scrubbed, and ask them to remove passwords from facebook, air miles, and my email, all of which I can no longer access as they are asking for passwords. I know it is such a struggle for you to remain gamble free because you can’t ban yourself from the casinos. Where I live, they are replacing the video lottery terminals to slot machines, where you can lose even more money on every spin. I’m banned from the casinos but cannot ban from the vlts. I’m going to have to rely on mental banning, and not go in there to even see what they look like. Every day we don’t gamble is recovery in my opinion, even if we white knuckle it. Carole
desdemonaParticipantDear (((Bettie)))! Nice that you found three nice dresses for yourself. How is that Ebay business going??? Comfortable supportive shoes are key to overall health I say. The trial period idea sounds like a great idea; I didn’t know that a person could do that. I still have that image of your boss with his feet up on the desk reading the paper. In my mind his shoes were brown. Maybe he is a cg and that’s why he leaves for long periods of time. Maybe he is embezzling money and then there will be a manager position come up???? You should apply for that too, if it comes up. Sorry you injured your knee chasing after your cat. I’m off to clean the renters house, as I am taking my granddaughters to the fair that has come to town, and the two little ones are having a sleepover here. Carole
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