[desdemona]

(((Liz))) Come for a week so that we can go on a road trip like to Banff and the Rocky Mountains. Let me know what date and time and I’ll be there at the airport. Bring a swimsuit as Banff has hot springs. Carole

[desdemona]

Good Job (((Liz)))! I was going to suggest maybe meeting somewhere else or having a third person drop off your grandson, like your grandson’s Dad, or other responsible individual. You did the right thing for you and for your grandson. Keep setting those boundaries with your daughter and expanding them if you see the need. Teach her that it’s not OK to treat you that way or to act that way in front of your grandson. I spoke with Danny and he is going to look after Ruffuss and the renters’ house so that I can visit with you for a week. Anytime from August 1st is great to fly in. Let me know when you book your ticket. I’m excited now!!! Carole

[desdemona]

(((Lizzy)))! I posted to you on your thread. Yesterday and today are the first days where I have not been busy in my head with this moving to the city. As crazy as it sounds, I felt lonely yesterday and missed Danny. I had to ask myself what I miss, the anger, blaming, criticizing, berating, etc. Surprisingly my gambling urges have been slight lately, and I believe that I had to deal with the reasons I was gambling before the addiction lossened its strong hold on me. Then a person ***** to deal with the "habit" of gambling. I will be attending some sort of recovery group in the city. And of course looking for work and then working outside my home which is something I haven’t done for many years. I believe that working will add a whole new dimension into my life. Exhaustion!! LOL! My daughter and her family are travelling to Manitoba today to visit my mother, my aunt and my cousin. I am getting a haircut today and a brow wax, and may even shave my legs. I need a pedicure desperately. I go to those Asian businesses where a person just walks in and takes their chances as to whether they have to wait or not. The women there speak in their native language and I always imagine that they are making nasty comments about the condition of your feet, and your weight. They are always so petite. I had my legs waxed there last time and it hurt. I won’t be doing that again!!! I also need to color my hair. I’ll have to wait until my granddaughter gets over being sick with strep throat so she can do it for me. I now have time for some self-care which has been put on the back burner in the past while. I am also going to renew my driver’s license for 5 years today. And clean the renters’ house. Carole 

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! Here I sit on my office chair and a fold out table in my living room, warming up yesterday’s coffee in the microwave, and I couldn’t be happier. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. And my dog Ruffuss is ****** at my feet! I wanted to thank you for the daily support you have given me during this time of upheaval in my life. It has been so appreciated, and I wish we could see each other again. I celebrate your 8 months of gamble free time. You rock girl!! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! I am just now starting to catch up with people’s threads, as I didn’t have the emotional energy to do so, since I decided to leave my marriage. I read your comment of God forbid that you lose your job, and I agree with that statement. You do have skills working at the bank, and any bank would be happy to have you as their employee. My experience in leaving this marriage is that most of what I worried about, never came to pass. One thing I ask myself when I have a huge worry is what the worse case scenario would look like, and then I decide if that is something that I could handle, and if it is, I let it go. In the worse case scenario, circumstances may not be ideal but they probably will change for the better over time. I have a Coca Cola Santa Claus decoration for you to sell on eBay as well as a bride and groom Pez dispenser. it may take me a while to get it to you as I have to find the right box, some brown paper to wrap it in, etc. Carole  

[desdemona]

(((Lizzy))) I am so sorry to hear about your huge stressors with your daughter. It does sound like your daughter has relapsed, whether it is ***** or alcohol. You are so right that your daughter is responsible for her own recovery. It’s like the grief journey. People have to travel it alone, with the support of others. Nobody can grieve for us, just like nobody can work our recovery for us. Your daughter knows where to access the resources she ***** to live clean. As a mother it has to be so worrisome. Your grandson should not be witness to verbal and emotional abuse directed towards you, as children live what they learn. One thought that does come to mind is that your daughter ***** you to look after your grandson, so the chances of her stopping you from seeing your grandson pretty much don’t exist. Your grandson’s Dad seems to be an A1 guy, and like he said, he would make sure you had your grandson. Even your grandson who is way beyond his years in his ability to understand and communicate would badger his mother about going to see you. Danny is going to be home for 3 weeks at the beginning of August. I will find out the dates and if you want to visit at that time, we can stay at my place in Edmonton. Sounds like you need a break from that heat as well. I will have an air conditioner by then as well. You know that you can invite yourself to my place ANYTIME. And I know that I can visit you ANYTIME. I guess I’ll have to clean my car if you’re coming. LOL! Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Cat))) and (((Liz))) for your kind posts. If it wasn’t for the GT community and the friends I have met and made from this site, I would still be gambling compulsively and still being in an emotionally abusive relationship. I would not have the self-awareness that I now have, the emotional support, or the confidence to be moving forward in a new life. So for this I thank every single person who has supported me in the past 2 1/2 years, and made me stronger in my recovery. Not only do we recover from compulsively gambling, but we recover emotionally, which is such a great gift we get. That had been preying on my mind how I was going to move my furniture to the city, so moving it yesterday was a great relief. I now have everything I need there and just have a couple boxes to pack with office supplies, my sewing machine, and a small white Christmas tree. My car can take that in one load. And my Cat!!!! A big fat orange cat named Ferris. So all in all, I’m feeling good. I have emotionally left the relationship, though at ***** feel sorry for Danny that he lost someone good that he didn’t value. It is what it is! The end of a dream of retiring together and having a good relationship. I have let that go. I can only control me. And leaving this relationship I am taking back my control. And Liz you can sleep in my bedroom. My leather sectional has a Cleopatra lounge chair and I move another piece of the sectional to the end of the lounge and I have a very comfortable bed. As soon as I move in for good, let’s see each other and go out and have some Edmonton fun!!! Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Liz))) and (((Cat))) for your kind posts. I’m home from the city and the U Haul was returned in one piece thanks to one of my renters who got rained out from having to work today, and who drove it. I paid him and he and my granddaughter unloaded the truck for me. It really is starting to look like my place now, with my furniture there. I think tomorrow I will take a day off from moving forward. I’m just going to clean the renters’ house and pack one box.  There was some kind of a festival today a couple streets from where I live in the city, and I was thinking that it would have been so nice to go, but I had to make it home at a reasonable hour as my granddaughter works tomorrow. Carole 

[desdemona]

I’m up early today to go to the city. It’s rainy here and I’m wondering if it’s raining in the city. I got up early so that I can go do some cleaning in the renters’ house before I drive to the city, unload furniture, and then drive back. I am taking Ruffuss with me as he has become my shadow since the other dogs left. Carole

[desdemona]

I rented a 14 foot U haul today and loaded all my furniture in it, and will drive to the city early tomorrow morning. They gave me zero orientation on driving the truck. It took me no time at all to figure out how to drive the truck. So far I have nobody to unload my heavy leather sectional at the other end, but I’ll figure it out. I want to have a comfortable apartment for when I spend time in the city. According to Danny, I’m responsible for the renters’ house even when he is home. I will hire someone to clean when I want to go to the city. He is going to freak out that I moved my furniture so soon. But he is not the boss to me anymore. Carole  

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Kathryn))), (((Liz))), and (((Cat))) for your support. It means so much to me that I have my friends supporting me during this time. I am starting to realize how beaten down emotionally I have become, and how much control Danny had over me. Every mean angry word he spoke to me, I took to heart. It is going to take me some time to get out from his emotional control. I’m not even sure I want to have a friendship with him after I move for good to my new rental. We aren’t friends now, so how can we be friends after I leave for good. He would still be trying to control me after I left, and that isn’t in my best interest. I can now understand how I escaped my emotional pain through gambling. Ruffuss will be going to live with a wonderful couple in August. As I said before they live on an acreage in the country just like we do, and they previously had a Bouvier, so they understand the breed. I sent them a picture of Ruffuss and they are taken with him. His new Mommy works as a pediatric nurse on a casual basis, and his Daddy is a kind and gentle man who teaches for a living. This new home is truly a gift from God. I will be able to adopt him out knowing that he is going to receive the very best care. I was overwhelmed with grief yesterday about Mic and Nikita, but am feeling somewhat better today after having a few hours of sleep last night. Carole

[desdemona]

Mic and Nikita passed away peacefully this afternoon, and Nikita **** in my arms and I feel so blessed that the end came to her with me holding her. I am doing alright. Carole

[desdemona]

I have an appointment at the vet in 70 minutes to euthanize my dogs. I am feeling anxiety and need to do the right decision for me, and that is to take the dogs in today. I will grieve them but that too will pass. They had a great home with us. Carole

[desdemona]

It is very good news (((Liz)))! I still have to hear for 100% sure that they are adopting him, and I’m sure I’ll hear in the next few days. I’m 95% sure though! The prospective adoptive Mom and I talked on the phone like we were already friends and the conversation was natural and we had a few laughs. I phoned my mother today and informed her that I was leaving Danny. I packed one box today so far. I made myself a dentist appointment for cleaning and to get a filling redone that is wearing thin, for later this month. I am going to do some packing, organizing, and cleaning today of things I want to move. My casual friend Ingrid is having a garage sale on the 13th, and she invited me to participate, but I still have not decided if I will. I have lots of things to sell that I’m not taking. It was my deceased brother Ron’s birthday yesterday. The elephant in the room for me is the two old dogs that I am going to have to euthanize. I look at them and wonder how I’m going to be able to do that. Do I take them both at the same time or on different days? Danny keeps saying that Nikita did nothing wrong and now I’m going to kill her? Those kind of words wear on a person emotionally. And they are meant to! Carole

[desdemona]

The good news is that I talked to the family that is interested in adopting Ruffuss. I emailed her a picture of him and we will talk after she sees him. She is a pediatric nurse and works casual only. They live on an acreage in the country like we do. Their Bouvier **** at age 12 a year ago and they now feel they are ready to adopt again, and don’t want a puppy. We both sent our emails to the rescue organization on the same day, so it could be fate. They would be adopting Ruffuss around August 24th as they are coming to Edmonton as she has family here and they go to the Fringe theatre every year. It sounds to me like it could be a match made in heaven for all of us concerned, which of course includes Ruffuss. I’ll also be glad when I finally settle in, in the city and don’t have to run back and forth. Carole

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