[desdemona]

Dear (((Debbie)))! You should go visit Bettie and see how beautiful the city is and its architecture. Nice time of year to go on one of those tour cruises as well. I loved the stained glass collection they had at the Pier. I’ve applied for a couple of jobs and I need to hang around town in case I get called for an interview. I’ve had time to adjust to moving to the city, but now suddenly things seem to be moving too fast for me, as I am at the stage of applying for jobs, and the last piece of the puzzle is securing employment. I haven’t worked outside my home for over a decade so this is stressful for me. Glad you’re happy in your life. Carole 

[desdemona]

The "free" TV has arrived. Too bad I don’t know how to hook it all up, but later today I will see if I can do it. I’m imagining having a full screen TV to watch as opposed to the little one I have in my bedroom. I’m having a productive week so far in terms of accomplishing things. The cats haven’t fought yet, and are actually touching noses. I’m letting them adjust and not giving them too much affection as I want them to turn to each other for their *****. Soon I’m sure they will be ****** together and p****** with each other. I haven’t told Danny about my new cat as I’m sure ***** freak out, but it is my decision as to what pets I have in my own place. Because he’s allergic to cats, ***** see it as I’m not being considerate of his *****, and one more step of not reconciling with him at some point. It’s been scorching hot here. Too hot! I applied for a couple of jobs online, and interviewing is a scary thought as in the past few years, I get anxiety attacks in situations like that. There is so much construction going on around my place that it is driving me crazy. For the past 10 days they put a new roof on the house right next door to me, and now the neighbour across the alley is tearing down his garage and is going to be building a bigger one. Plus the city put notices in our mailboxes that they are going to be doing construction for the next 2 weeks around where I live. I’ll be glad when it cools down and I can shut all my windows so that I don’t have to hear all this construction. (((Liz))) Kevin seems to be doing worse memory wise. He was surprised to see his brother come to see him at the hospital, as he thought he was still in Edmonton, and not our local hospital. The hospital staff are asking family when he is going to be transferred to a rehab facility. The family don’t know and have been expecting the hospital staff to have that information. His mother has told my son-in-law that they can take Kevin on overnight visits, and it is kind of expected that they will take him. Because he is so confused, my daughter doesn’t want to do it, as she is afraid that he may go into my granddaughters’ rooms and lay on their bed out of confusion, which would really frighten the 8 year old. Every time Kevin goes there to visit, he keeps asking my daughter or son-in-law if this is a new house. He remembers them living in the very first house they bought, and this is the 3rd house they have bought after the first house. Kevin could also fall down the basement stairs as he doesn’t ever remember where the bathroom is. My son-in-law is stressed out as he sees that Kevin may need placement in a nursing home and he is only in his early 30’s. I need to get groceries at some point today as my fridge is pretty bare. I woke up with a headache this morning and am feeling a bit stressed out and I’m not sure why. I couldn’t fall asleep last night so I got up and ate. Not a very good coping skill but it is what it is for now! The appraisal for the house got done yesterday, and the appraiser said it would take 3 days before it reached Dale’s bank. Then we’ll all have to sign paperwork and the house and property will no longer belong to us! That will be a relief not to have to deal with renters again. My ex-sister-in-law is cleaning and managing the house at the present time.  I am wondering if I should have gone and had an xray done on my foot, as it is still painful, bruised, swollen, and there is a bump on the top of my foot. It could be that I broke a bone in my foot. I don’t have a doctor here in the city, so I would have to go to a Medi Centre and that probably would be an all day affair. Carole 

[desdemona]

Hope your Mom behaves and you have a good weekend with her!! Carole

[desdemona]

Guess what (((Liz)))?? I have a new cat, a brother for Ferris. His name is Pablo and he has the colors of a Siamese, and the loud meow of a Siamese. He is solidly built and quite heavy to carry around. He has one big blue eye and the other is sewed shut. Ferris came downstairs to see what the moewing was all about, and then retreated back upstairs. Pablo has been behind the couch for the better part of the afternoon. They’ll adjust to each other! Went to my regulatory body for my field and paid my dues and handed in some information they required. I was also sent notification that my 42 inch promotion TV is being delivered tomorrow. I will believe that when I see it! This evening I’m going to chill with the book I’m reading. Carole 

[desdemona]

Before going to his brother’s to spend the night, as he flew out early today, Danny had a nap on my couch. Both him and I have boundary issues when it comes to what our relationship is. It makes it harder for me as he is supporting me financially till I get working. I told him I wanted to get another cat for company for Ferris, and he told me I didn’t need another cat. He is allergic to cats. I put my cat house under a window and Ferris can watch what goes on in the alley, and he’s loving it. I like my rental and living alone as it’s peaceful, and I can do exactly what I want, without having to answer to anyone but myself. Gambling urges are definitely reduced in occurrence and severity. I’m hoping to be able to attend a Thursday evening GA meeting on step work tomorrow. Today I’m off to the college to get re-registered, and to a vet clinic a bit out of town to possibly/probably adopt a one eyed cat. Carole

[desdemona]

Sorry about your "dumb" hot water heater (((Liz)))! When you sell the condo, you can say  "there’s a brand new hot water heater!!" I was driving down Whyte Avenue today and thought of you, thought of all the places there, we hadn’t gone into. I took that big ugly rooster off my kitchen counter, and put him in the corner when you first walk into my door. Hopefully we’ll be able to see each other again, sooner than later. I’d still love to do the Oregon Coast as it’s my favorite place to go. I would have to leave the driving to you, as I’m getting to be a not so good driver living in the country all these years. Once I start working, I won’t be able to be spontaneous about travelling. That sucks for me!! Carole  

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Liz))) and (((Bettie))) for your posts. I am not interested in marriage counselling at all. Danny ***** counselling for himself. I’m getting my own counselling for my own issues. This train has already left the station in terms of marriage counselling. Today is the first day he came to my place as he was bringing Ferris’ cat house/scratching posts, as I couldn’t fit it in with the stuff my granddaughter brought to the city for university. He did put together the antique looking table for my bedroom TV. He called where I live slumy, and that after working so hard in my life, I shouldn’t be living here. He said he had to get me out of here. I said I thought the inside of my place was cute, quaint, and nicely furnished. He said the yard wasn’t kept up and that the alley looked unkept and dangerous! My door faces the alley! It’s like everywhere else, you need to keep your wits about you. I have a couple of jackrabbits that I see often around my place.  I did tell Danny that I couldn’t live with his negative behaviors anymore. He was telling me what went on at the lake this long weekend and I’m so glad that I wasn’t part of it. It seems some of Danny’s family members are dressing down others that say negative things about me. Things like the help I gave so many of them. Danny brought me a bird bath and bird seed, so now I am feeding the local birds here. I got my new windshield today and over $200 discount for my inconvenience about the non-existing appointment I had last Friday. Already lots of good things happening this week. I only want to be friends with Danny. Carole 

[desdemona]

(((Liz))) You have mentioned moving from your condo a couple of *****. I love your yard and the fact the pool is right in front of your condo. You will know if you should move and when. There may be some great deals in the upside down real estate market where you live. That may be easier than renovating in an older complex, as the value of your condo is also determined by what other unrenovated condos are selling for in your complex. I hate that part when they ****** the value of your home, as they take three other similar properties and what they are selling for. Thanks for the post on my thread. I think I am running into people in my life that have never had to take responsibility for their actions with me. Even Danny says he has always treated me nothing but nice and kind. Is he delusional?? It has been not nice nor kind. I read to my daughter what messages V and I had exchanged privately on fb, and my daughter said I didn’t say anything aggressive. V said I could talk to her if something was bothering me, so I did. I have decided not to worry about it, as it upset me for a few days. I can’t make anyone take responsibility for their words or actions, so the rest is up to her. I vacuumed a little today, cleaned my kitchen, cleaned my bathroom, and am laundering bedding. Hopefully, I’ll get my new windshield today! Tomorrow I am going to the office to pay for my professional dues and submit a learning plan and a self-******ment of my practice skills. Then I’m going to an out of town vet clinic to see about adopting a cat with one eye, as the cat with 3 legs is not up for adoption because of health ***** related to his missing leg. Ferris will love having a companion once they adjust to each other. Then I can start looking for a job. I had an anxiety attack yesterday. I tried to play it off to myself as low blood sugar and that I hadn’t eaten. So there I am shaking so badly that I had a hard time drinking orange juice and eating cheese and crackers. It reminded me so much of the anxiety attacks and the going blank in the interviews I had last year while I was looking for a job. I haven’t been gambling!! Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Friends))) for your supportive posts. My week has already started out awesome!!! By tomorrow when I go into my regulatory body for the profession I work in when I’m working, I will once again be registered and have a practice permit. That’s a huge thing to get that back into place, so now I can start looking and applying for positions in my field. And with any luck, I’ll have a new windshield as well today. (((Liz))) I saw V yesterday as she wanted to borrow luggage from me for her trip back east. I invited her to go for supper with my granddaughter and I. I could tell she is quite angry at me. She told me that if something is bothering me, I should tell her, and I did. I didn’t expect what I said to become a full-blown thing with her. That is the second friend who has become angry and turned it around on me. Ingrid got angry at me when I asked her to return the tables she borrowed many weeks after she had her garage sale. That was one of the tables I dropped on my foot when I myself went to pick them up, as she was not returning them. V got angry when I said that it occurred to me that she was saying negative things behind my back. She said she was upset and that after 28 years I didn’t know her at all. I told her of three of her friends that she had talked behind their back, and that I was sensitive to negative talk about me. So now she’s really upset and I don’t know if we’ll be able to patch things up. All I wanted was a "sorry."" She says she can’t remember saying that as I was leaving her place, but she has not said that she spoke to the other 4 women there, and that nobody heard what she said. I think people are used to me allowing myself to be used and abused, and are surprised when I speak my truth! My Aunt told me that at this rate, I’m going to lose friends. Danny got upset with me yesterday on the phone, as he wants us to move to southern Alberta together and buy a house or a motor home and go travelling. Nothing would be any different so I said that I wasn’t doing that, and he said "well stay in your sweltering one (bed) room place! I have no plans to reconcile with him as I can’t live with him and his negative behaviors. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Liz))) I missed how your grandson injured his wrist. You are sure spoiling him in a nice way. I’m sure that some things will work out this coming week. My granddaughter had a freak-out about something I posted on her fb. I told her to delete me off of her fb. If you’re posting something on a public domain, you can’t get freaked out when someone comments on something! I let her be angry and later she apologized to me, saying she was angry at something that had happened with her friends at the bar the night before, and she allowed that to fuel her anger at me, and didn’t use her skills in dealing with me, because she had been drinking the night before and hadn’t got enough sleep. So that got resolved. I also had some calm words with V as I felt that she had talked about me behind my back. All I wanted was a "I’m sorry! I had no sleep the night before and was drinking." It was just a little thing she said but I was hurt by it, so I wanted to mention it to her. We are in the process of working it out, as neither one of us wants to lose a long-term relationship over this. I’m sensitive to criticism coming out from my relationship with Danny and his family. It isn’t that I haven’t talked about people behind their back; it’s just that some friendships I don’t expect that person to say anything negative about me. Nor would I ever say anything negative about them.  Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Friends))) for your supportive posts. I do have a new fb account as after 8 months of not being able to remember my password and the K9 blocker blocking certain emails like my password from FB, I got my friend Valerie to help me log on with my new email address in the city. Either send me a friend request or I will send you one Bettie. I have been pretty lazy since I moved to the city on Thursday. There’s cleaning and organizing I should do, but with my foot, I think I should stay floor based. My cat has settled in nicely. He is eating, drinking, and using the litter box, and giving me kitty kisses. Danny is bringing me his cat house on Tuesday which serves as a scratching post as well. He looks bored, doing nothing all day except ****** around. Danny is on his way back to work on Tuesday. it’s great that he is supporting me financially till I get working. I never expected that we could go our separate ways and be friendly. I’ve never had a break-up that was friendly. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! Thank you for your post on my thread. I think that I am exhausted mentally as I nap a lot and get a lot of sleep during the night. It’s a huge change for me and there are a lot of things I still don’t have to move forward like my registration, CPR course, a job, etc. I did the dishes, and laundered and made my bed, and my granddaughter came over and did the vacuuming for me. Cleaning the bathroom is a ten minute job but I’ve got it on my radar for tomorrow. I was debating whether to say anything to a very good friend that I felt was negative that I overheard hearing her saying as I left her place. It was a small thing by any standard but I felt like she was talking about me behind my back. In her defense she had had no sleep and was drinking. She did apologize without admitting that she said it. She said she couldn’t remember saying it. I have such a hard time telling people when they hurt my feelings. I need to get better at that. I still would like to see you soon. Carole

[desdemona]

Woke up this morning to the sun shining and the cat beside me, and no company staying with me. I did not have a productive week as one thing after another didn’t work out the way they had been planned. Other than dropping the table on my foot, I had no control over the things that didn’t work out. My granddaughter is in the city now for the next 8 months starting University again on Tuesday. She is doing well mental health wise. It’s amazing what the right therapy can do, when a person is highly motivated to get well. I have no plans to go back to the country other than getting a 3 month supply of my meds, as I am still on Danny’s benefit plan. And of course seeing my little granddaughters. My place ***** organizing and cleaning but I am just so lazy and unmotivated. I do have the vacuum out though, and the dishes are soaking. I am drinking coffee out of a glass as all 5 of my mugs are in the sink. Lol!  I don’t have big urges to gamble in the city like I did in the country. I am banned from the casinos and don’t know of any place to gamble where I am not banned, other than one across town. It seems like a long drive just to lose money. I’m sure there are other places around where I live, but I am not going to seek out where those places are. I thought of gambling yesterday evening, but then thought of what the money I would lose, would buy instead. This rental is transitional housing for me, and my lease is up at the end of June. The living room and kitchen space is too tight as I seem to have a lot of company. I need at least two bedrooms. Once I get working, I will start to look around as to what place would be more suitable for my family and friends to stay over with me. I don’t want any yard work so a condo may be my only option. All in good time! Carole 

[desdemona]

Dear (((Liz)))! Good to hear you didn’t gamble and that you’re feeling better. Sorry to hear that your grandson is in the middle of family drama once again. I loved the bunk beds you bought your grandson and the bedding that was on them. I woke up this morning to the first day of living alone in my new place with no company, other than my cat. If you read on facebook, I have had an interesting week. When I was in the country I dropped a heavy table on my foot and it burst a blood vessel and I had a lump almost the size of an egg on the top of my foot, as well as swelling, bruising, and lots of pain that first day. The blood has mostly reabsorbed in my foot, but I still have a small amount of pain, my foot is still swollen, and I have bruising. The next day I take my car into the dealership to have a complete major service where they look at everything, and I find out at the end of the day that they couldn’t do the service as they didn’t have the right parts. My appointment for the car was at 8:00 am. The next day I figure nothing can go wrong and I take my car into the dealership where I bought it in the city, to get a new windshield, and the company that does the windshields hasn’t been booked for me. So no new windshield. I call telus as I supposed to receive a new big screen TV for a 3 year commitment on my cable and internet. I was told 2 to 4 weeks and I had the installation done July 19th. The woman tells me that August 29th the request was sent to their warehouse to send me the TV and that it will take 2 to 4 weeks for me to get that TV. I told the woman that I was on my last nerve concerning telus. She gave me a bit of a discount on my next bill, but it is nothing compared to the aggravation I have gone through with their company. Then yesterday I get up at 6:00 am to attend my re-scheduled CPR/First Aid course, and the fire alarm keeps going off in the building due to water in the basement from a rain storm. I’m re-re-scheduled to attend next weekend. On the positive side, I figure that this coming week something I try to do, will work out. I have my cat and he is settling in with me. There is lots of family drama going on in Danny’s family, and I’m glad I’m not there to even see it. For all the things that haven’t worked out for me, I had no control over any of them, with the exception that I was the one that dropped the table on my foot. The person that borrowed the tables 2 months ago was supposed to return them and didn’t so I told her I would pick them up instead. "V" got her results for the 2 days of testing regarding her heart. She did not have a heart attack and she has no blockages anywhere. She was expecting the worse so she said she felt like celebrating. Kevin’s memory hasn’t improved one iota and he is taking up an acute care bed in the country hospital while his family waits for him to get into a brain rehab facility. I don’t believe that Kevin will ever be able to live independently again. His short-term memory is terrible and he seems stuck in another time. Every few minutes he asks the same question and doesn’t remember that his dad has ****. When he asks where his dad is, and he is told that he **** 5 years ago, it’s like it’s the first time he hears that, and gets very depressed. I suggested that the family steer the conversation to something else when he asks about his dad, as he is deeply hurt every time he hears that info or that they ask him where he thinks his dad is. Carole 

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! So is it a PREFERENCE to need to eat so that your blood glucose levels stay stable??? The games some people play. If the doctor knew it was going to be a back and forth situation, why didn’t he provide an explanation to the HR people, that was more generous than just listing your medical diagnoses. Maybe because he gets paid for every report, etc he does? Forgive my cynicism, but I’ve seen too much of that kind of behavior from doctors during my working life. Hope you’re well and happy! Carole

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