[desdemona]

Dear (((P)))! If you’re breathing there is always hope. Just think what an inspiration you are to so many of us that you do keep coming back, even if it takes you some time to do so. For me, I find that loneliness and lots of spare time are my worse enemies. Maybe you could befriend someone at your meetings, who you could have coffee with. Are you going to do volunteer work like you were before? It’s too easy to sit at home with only the prospect of watching TV, reading, cleaning, or getting on the computer to trigger urges to gamble. Most of us will probably never find activities that are as "enjoyable" as zoning out gambling, but we need to replace the time we spent gambling and thinking about gambling with "normal" activities. Counselling and meetings are great things to be doing but they are not what I would consider "fun." I think of you often. Had a cup of English Toffee coffee last night and of course thought of you. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Sherry)))! I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through huge personal problems. You have my emotional support. It’s awesome that you didn’t gamble through these trying ***** as it would wake up the urge to start compulsively gamble again, and none of us need that as it just creates so many problems. Sending you a hug through cyberspace, and hoping that things for you will be better soon. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Cat))) and (((P))) for your kind posts to my thread. Sorry (((P))) that you’re not in a great place right now. I wonder if you can do any one thing, even something small to change your situation (((P))). That is something I try and do when I don’t like where I’m at emotionally. I might do some laundry or do the sinkful of dishes; anything that will make me feel better about myself. (((Cat)))- as much as I tried to enjoy the course, all I did was watch the clock, ******** the number of hours before the course would be over. I finished it today and scored 100% on the exam. I hated all the practical on the floor stuff like the CPR and the treating of wounds and injuries. I’m good for 3 years now thankfully! I wanted to do something to celebrate getting that course over, but could not find anybody to do anything with. I need to enlarge my social circle in the city, but I prefer to isolate myself. It takes time to undo all the negative effects of our gambling years, and for many of us, we have few friends left, if any. For me by the time I got rid of toxic friends and family, I have little left in terms of real friends. I’d rather have no friends at this point than to have really unhealthy people in my life.  I thought of going gambling, and had to remind myself that gambling isn’t a reward. I’m going to go buy myself a few pieces of new clothing for when I go back to work instead. I might do that tomorrow even. I am very much enjoying the new addition to my family, Pablo. The cats like each other and it happened quickly, even though they are both males. When I drove into my driveway, there was a jack rabbit eating in the yard, and he is so domesticated that he allowed me to walk past him/her, and didn’t hop away. I’m hoping I can get the rabbits that live around my place to eat food I put out in the winter. I am also planning to buy a condo before my lease is up at the end of June. But first I need to get working and I’m confident that I will in time. I’m only applying for jobs that I believe I would enjoy. Life is too short to work somewhere you hate. Carole  

[desdemona]

(((Sherry))) I am catching up on your thread and see that you have been doing really well. My life is just starting to settle down after moving out. I got a new cat for my other cat so that he would have a companion when I start working.  The new cat only has one big blue eye, as the other eye was ruptured in a fight or something like that. He is absolutely gorgeous and part Siamese. They are house cats and both male, and actually liked each other very quickly. I applied for a couple of jobs but they are gov’t so the process of even being called for an interview takes weeks. My 4 year old granddaughter is coming to have an overnight with me on Wednesday so I’m excited about that. I don’t see much of my 20 year old granddaughter even though we both live in the city now. She is busy with university, but mostly busy with her friends. I may go to a GA meeting on Thursday evening if I can get the courage to do that. It’s meetings on the first three steps, but I hate going to unfamiliar places alone. I’m staying gamble free a day at a time. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! Good to see that you’re doing well and thanks for posting about being "in between." Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! Good to see that you’re doing well and thanks for posting about being "in between." Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((P)))! So happy to see that you’re back!!! Gambling is not a way to live as all it produces is pain! Just keep doing the best you can and ***** every single gamble free day as a victory. I don’t ***** days as you probably know as some days just getting through the day without gambling is enough pressure for me. You can do this. Progress not perfection! Carole 

[desdemona]

Thanks Cat for your kind post. It has very much cooled down here by at least 10 degrees C, plus it rained today which was welcome by me anyways. I am so excited as I got up at 6:00 am today and heard my alarm clock, and got to the course and have finished day one of two. I listened to CBC radio and imagined I was driving to work and thought to myself that I can do this work thing fulltime. One step in front of the other!! Carole 

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! Thank you for your kind post on my thread. I think of you often as when Liz was here, I took out the blue bell soap you gave me, and have been using it ever since, and it is lasting a very long time. My TV did get set up by my genius granddaughter the same day it was delivered. You’re a smart ****** observing that my posts are calmer and more relaxed. I am calmer and more relaxed as I have resolved things like my practice permit, and am settling in my home. By the end of the weekend I will have my course completed and that’s another piece of my jigsaw. The cats are getting along well and like each other. They chase each other and rub faces together, which according to my new book, means they are saying they are each other’s. Last night one of them reached out and grabbed the other one in an affectionate gesture. I feel like a Mom with these cats as they like to be involved in what I’m doing and follow me upstairs or downstairs. I think of Ruffuss and hope that he is settling in well with his new mom and dad. I know they’re good people and love him. I have also figured out how to prepare meals for one person that are on the healthy side, and how much to buy for groceries so as not to waste food, like produce. Everything is falling into place, though I know that Danny would like to reconcile in the future and I don’t ever see that happening. If nothing changes, nothing changes. The reasons I left are still going to be there, so why would I ever want to go back. Carole 

[desdemona]

That’s great that you enjoy every minute of time you spend with your grandson (((Liz)))> You are such an important person in that little guy’s life, and maybe the only person who he knows will always be there for him. I prepared myself all three meals today, read my new book on the secret language of cats, and now am going to start on the second book I bought. My bed is freshly laundered, and my clothes are ready for tomorrow. I’m going to get up at 6:00 am to ensure I can have coffee before I go to my course. The two cats are doing great together and at ***** follow me around like I’m the pied piper and they’re rats! Two cats are so much better than one, as they keep each other company. I got through another gamble free day. One of the thoughts that stopped me was how messed up my mind gets when I gamble. I need to stay clear-headed in case I get asked to interview for a job. I’m relaxed and happy living alone. It’s cooled down here thank goodness, and looks like it may even rain. Carole

[desdemona]

Gambling urges triggered by Danny telling me that there was a lot of money in our joint account, and to use it for whatever I wanted. I already have access to our joint account so I was wondering why he said that. I can see online what we have in this account. Left my place and gassed up my vehicle, went to Chapters and bought two books. One on The Secret Language of Cats and the other, Dr. Phil’s new book called Life Code-The New Rules for Winning in the Real World. I then went and bought a couple new tops intended for when I go back to work. I went to Safeway and bought the groceries I need. The closest thing I bought to junk food is sherbet. I actually prepared my supper at home last night, and am trying to eat at home as opposed to restaurant meals. I had breakfast before I went out today, or it would have been McDonald’s drive through. Think I’m going to stay home the rest of today, so I don’t entertain those gambling urges. I have to read what my cats are communicating to me. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Liz))) I know just how much you love your grandson, but I am wondering if you didn’t take him as much if his parents would step up to the plate more when it comes to his care. I hope I don’t hurt your feelings by saying that. I love my granddaughters to the moon too, but there is only so long I can entertain them, without it feeling like it’s too much for me. We raised our own children and we aren’t spring chickens anymore. I was sleeping nicely but my sleep was interrupted by a phone call from the cleaning girl at the renters’ house asking me a question at about 6:30 am. I did go back to sleep after a while but didn’t get up till about 10:00. I’m going to go for groceries this afternoon, and that will be my day. Soon enough I’ll be getting up to go to work 5 days a week. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Liz))) I cannot imagine living where it is so hot during your summer months, and then still hot during the winter months. It makes me appreciate the 4 seasons here. I can understand that you don’t want to spend a lot of money till you get the condo issue settled with your husband’s daughter. I’m sure that situation is stressful for you. I applied for a job that I think would suit me perfectly. It’s doing SW in a rehab facility. I really want it and I hope to be asked to interview for it. I am just so much more relaxed in my own place and life is good. I saw positions advertised in the heart of the inner city and considered applying, but in reality, I’m too scared of contracting lice, scabies, and especially bed bugs. That would stress me out too much. My two cats are getting more used to each other and are play fighting. I was telling my granddaughter that I told Danny about getting another cat, and she thinks he went quiet and didn’t get angry because he thought I was going to tell him that I had someone in my life. Why would I want to complicate my nice relaxed life with a man?? Today I am going to go out for groceries, and launder my bedding. It will be great that you can cool down at your Mom’s this weekend. I am on course the next two days and it is in an air conditioned building and I get to socialize with the other participants. My foot is still hurting so I will wear socks in the classroom as opposed to sandals. Carole

[desdemona]

Dale is buying the house and the property and if all goes according to plan, he will be in possession of the house by the end of September. I have nothing to do with the house other than answering questions regarding renters and the care of the house. Danny called and I told him I had something to tell him, and he went quiet. I said I got another cat. He seemed almost relieved that it was about a cat, and not that I had gambled. LOL! Liz, I can’t imagine 108 degrees and I forgot that your grandson cant go into the pool because he has a cast. Renovations are also going on in the basement suite below me. I slept through most of the afternoon and sleep is also an escape/coping method for me. I am feeling that I would have liked to go on a holiday somewhere before I get a job and start working. I have a current passport but nobody to go anywhere with. My daughter has kids in school, granddaughter is in university, and anyone else I know is working, except you. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Liz)))! The TV has finally arrived!!! I’m going to try my hand at hooking it up later today. I woke up with a headache and am feeling tired so I may have a nap with my "boys." They haven’t fought at all, though Ferris hissed at him a couple of *****. They actually touched noses a few *****, so we’re off to a good start as far as compatibility goes. Pablo comes to me for affection as well. I can imagine how hot it is where you live. It’s been scorching here, and I’m tired of the heat. Carole 

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