[desdemona]

I’m so happy that you found the perfect home for you. I am excited to see it and you’ll be in it for Christmas. I hope that your weekend in San Diego brings you peace. I’ve got company tonight. My littlest granddaughter is staying the night as her parents and the other two girls went to a football game in the city here. I took her to Chucky Cheese for supper, and she loved the rides and playing the games. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Larry))) Congratulations on once again reaching that one year milestone, and on 50 months of recovery! That’s truly amazing and I know you have worked really hard to achieve what you have. Thanks for posting on my thread. It’s great to know that you’re still out there, working your recovery. I’m sure your story will inspire others to keep fighting this nasty disease, especially after having slipped after so much gamble free time. All the best to you! Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Cat))) and (((Larry))) for your kind posts to me. Congratulations Larry on reaching that milestone! I know that finding happiness lies within me and that no on else can make me happy. I get what you’re saying Cat about the things that used to make you happy, aren’t as enjoyable as they once were. I used to quilt, scrapbook, and make jewellery. Those things no longer interest me in the least. And I believe that for me watching my mother and my aunt age and become more dependent on outside help, really brings home the mortality issue. Because I smoke, I sometimes wonder when the shoe is going to drop healthwise. Yet I don’t live life as if today could be my last day. Instead I live by the motto “Time well wasted!” I keep putting off things that are begging for my attention, like cleaning certain things in my suite. I am just so lazy and unmotivated. The only things that bring me joy are spending time with friends, my cats, and travelling. I should seriously be looking for a job…………Carole

[desdemona]

It seems from talking to Danny that our sale of our home and property is falling through, as Dale has said that his bank is “screwing him around,” and he’s having difficulty with the Municipal District we live in, approving the plans he had for the property. I don’t know yet what that will mean for me. One thing is that I’m not going to be able to buy a condo in the city. I still don’t have a job yet and haven’t been called to interview for any, though I haven’t applied for many. I’m sure that Danny isn’t going to support me financially on a long-term basis, especially when he is paying someone else to clean and manage the renters’ house. I have a lease on my suite till the end of June, 2014. And a 3 year contract on my internet and cable provider. On a good note, I have followed my healthy eating plan for 2 weeks now. Have I lost weight? I know what I weighed when I went to the doctor’s and have no plans to weigh myself anytime soon. I will let my clothes tell me how I’m doing. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Laura)))! I was reading some of your posts and you wrote that your urges to gamble come from relationship issues and not being happy with yourself. That’s exactly how I feel. I was looking for something to make me feel better about myself, and gambling filled that need for a short time, as it was exciting and fun. Gambling became anything but fun for me and for those around me. Recently I decided to stop wishing I would lose weight, and decided to make some lifestyle changes to make that happen. It too is a recovery process and it’s all about progress and not perfection. My relationship with Danny is complicated even though we are living separately. I struggle with urges to gamble especially when I am bored. One day at a time, and some days it’s moment by moment. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear ((((icandothis)))! Just catching up on people’s threads and am happy to see that you’re hanging in there with recovery. It’s all about progress and not perfection. Carole

[desdemona]

I am really battling urges to gamble today. I’m reading other people’s threads in the hope of finding inspiration not to gamble. Danny keeps talking about buying motor homes and houses and expecting me to look at these pictures on his IPAD, and all I want is to be left alone or escape by sleeping. He leaves to go back to work early tomorrow morning but will be at my place till about 7:00 pm. He wants me to go for a walk and to go grocery shopping but I don’t feel motivated to do those things. All I’ve done so far today is laundry. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Sherry)))! I hope you are doing OK! Thinking of you! Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Friends))) for your kind posts! Cat- so sorry to hear that you have a cold. That was so nice of your daughter to come over and cook the meal for everyone. You did something right raising that girl!! I know exactly what you are talking about regarding the Vegas thing! Ever since my daughter asked me to mind the granddaughters, I’ve had thoughts of going to Vegas. Not to go ziplining like they did, or to see a show. I would get off the elevator at the hotel I was staying at, and wouldn’t get very far from the first bank of machines before I would start gambling. And I wouldn’t stop gambling till I ran out of money. So then my reasoning goes like this: So why bother spending the time and money travelling to Vegas when I could use that money to gamble locally. I tell you it’s insanity this disease. It’s a battle for me most days as I crave some “fun,” even though there is no fun for a cg. I am banned from the casinos in my province, but not from every corner bar that has vlts. One day at a time, and moment by moment is all I can do. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((P)))! Thank you for all the times you have posted on my thread and encouraged me. You are doing well on your recovery journey. I really understand wanting to isolate as I do the same. I like the quietness and being able to do what I want and when I want. I’ve never been a really sociable person, other than going for lunch with co-workers. I don’t like staying in one place for any length of time. I’m not a big visitor! Kudos for you for going to counselling and GA. One day at a time! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! Sounds like you girls are having fun! It’s a pretty safe bet that Debbie will enjoy that play, and you probably will as well. I’d be tempted to say to your manager that you would be willing to learn Spanish but that it would have to be on work time, as you are so busy when you’re not working. I bet he wouldn’t bring it up again. Hope you and Debbie have an awesome time together! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Liz)))! That sounds like a wonderful plan to celebrate your husband’s birthday and to spread his ashes the same weekend, in a place he loved! I can’t imagine that’s going to be easy for you, as it’s another final goodbye. I hope that you find just the right house for you that you can just move in to, and not have to do any major renovating. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! You have done an incredible job with your recovery. It’s crazy how we know exactly the outcome of what would happen were we to gamble, and yet we at times still want to indulge in it. I can so relate to occasionally winning our money back, and then going on to put it all back in, plus more, and walking away feeling like crap. And we forget that so seldom do the machines even give us the choice to walk away with our original money we walked in with, as they seldom pay. That’s part of the insanity of this disease. Nice to hear that you’re going to be with your son and his family for Christmas. I don’t know where I’ll be for Christmas this year. Danny and I have been spending some time together but he is still difficult to get along with. He’d like to reconcile but I can’t go back to how we were living. If he can’t get along with me without getting angry when we aren’t living together, we absolutely couldn’t get along living together. He gets angry over nothing and is argumentative over lots of things. I am enjoying living alone with my two cats. My new cat Pablo is such a joy!! He was a barn cat until he lost his eye, and then became a resident of the vet clinic that treated his infected eye. Now he lives with Ferris and I, and the cats just love each other. They spend 90% of their time together and I get the crumbs when it comes to the rest of the time. It’s OK though as I know they are happy together, which makes me happy. I’m at my daughter’s looking after my granddaughters while their parents are whopping it up in Vegas. My daughter and son-in-law are not gamblers and said the last time they went to Vegas they put in $40. They went ziplining yesterday and there are 13 of them that went together to Vegas. I’m off to put the turkey in the oven and to shower. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! Hope that you’re feeling better than when you last posted. Diabetes is a nasty disease but like compulsive gambling, can be managed. I found this online site called myfitnesspal where you track your food intake and any exercise you do. A healthy lifestyle is a progress not perfection type of thing. I’m not finding it easy but am doing what I can to lose some weight. Diabetes runs in my family as well. I just got tired of looking matronly at age 58. I still haven’t found a job though I have been hardly looking. I need to get serious about that. How is the atmosphere in your place of employment since your boss and his paramour have left??? Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cathie)))! Sad for GT and for all those of us that you helped time and time again, that you are leaving. It was indeed a pleasure to have known you, even if it was just on this site. You have so much to contribute to any position you will have in the future. Carole

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