[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! Congratulations on scaling the one year mountain!!! That journey started with a single step, when you started recovery, and look where you are today! Girl, you need to treat yourself big time! You so deserve it!!! Wish I was there so we could celebrate you! Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you Charles; I appreciate everyone’s support! I showered and did do my grocery shopping. I am going to spend the rest of the day reading the policies and procedures for the agency I work for. And watching TV of course!!! Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((friends))) for your kind words and support. I worked evenings yesterday and my next shift is evenings on Sunday. There is a lot of walking in this job and for that I am grateful as winter is coming, and walking outside when it’s cold is not my idea of fun, unless it’s in a tropical country. I am working as a program assistant at a not for profit agency, on a casual basis. I am hoping that I will at some point get a fulltime position when one becomes available. This job fits me to a T as I get to interact with other staff and agency clients. I really needed to get working so that I wouldn’t be lonely and bored which are triggers to me. I am appreciative that I now have a job, even if it’s just casual. It would have been exhausting physically and mentally had I had to step into a fulltime job at my age. This way I ease back into working fulltime. Tomorrow I am attending the Fabulous 50’s which is a ladies event. So for today I can say that everything in my life is where it should be. I am tired today though I will admit. I hope I can find the motivation to get a few groceries. Weight loss efforts are going well. I’m estimating that I have lost 10 pounds over the past almost month. I have worn makeup three times this week as well as jewellery, which is something I have not done for many years. I’m grateful for the friends I have here on GT, and for this recovery site. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Cat))) for your kind post. I have been busy as I interviewed for a casual position as a program assistant, and was hired, and I start my first shift tonight. I also had to get a medical as I am going for a class 4 license. I have been studying for the exam and once I pass that, then it’s onto the driving test. I have several other irons in the fire as far as employment and I look daily for jobs I am qualified to apply for. I have a bit of anxiety about working but I’m sure I’ll do fine. Carole

[desdemona]

Darlene and I are going to the Comedy Club this evening, which I’m sure will be fun! It’s the same comedy club Liz and I went to when she was visiting. Next weekend we are going to the Fabulous Fifties which is a women’s show with booths, fashion show, stuff to buy, etc. I made a list of different venues like dinner theatres, entertainment acts coming to the city, and I plan to go to things that interest me. I have also started reading again which used to be a love of mine. I am on a search of what brings me pleasure. I started wearing jewellery a bit, and I’m planning on putting on make-up to go out tonight, which is something I gave up on almost 2 decades ago. I am realizing that self-care has so much more to do than just getting manis and pedis. For me it’s a different way of thinking and it’s all about me, all about what brings me pleasure. The things that make me happy! Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Cat))) and (((Debbie))) for your kind posts. I believe that Cat meant that no matter what people suggest, even if they are all helpful suggestions, ultimately it is up to us what we choose to do. I didn’t gamble today either. Instead I went to a trendy hair place and got a really good haircut. I met up with my friend Darlene and we went out for supper and then went back to her place and watched a thriller movie. I always enjoy spending time with Darlene. We worked together for 8 1/2 years and have been friends ever since then, though I didn’t see her that often when I lived in the country. She invited me to stay the night but I didn’t feel comfortable doing that. I would rather sleep in my own bed with my cats. Carole

[desdemona]

I didn’t gamble today either. No urges at all! The money I used to gamble with was from our joint account and I simply went to the bank and withdrew it. It was planned before I even left my house. I totally get what you’re saying Bettie about trying to do things our own way, even when that way hasn’t worked before. That would be my nature all right! Carole

[desdemona]

(((Liz))) I’m so happy that your house passed inspection and that the skip tracer located your step-daughter. I’m sure she will be shocked her father has passed away. I hope she does the right thing and refuses the condo proceeds. It will be great once you’re moved and can put that behind you. You have a lot going on so I can imagine that you would have gambling urges. You’re doing great (((Liz))))

[desdemona]

Thanks Liz for the encouragement. It means a lot to me! I did not gamble today nor did I have any thoughts of doing so. I actually had a good day applying for jobs, going to Walmart with my granddaughter and purchasing mostly personal care items like bubble bath, body wash, etc. My granddaughter walked to my house and I made us a nutritious supper. I also watched the trial of the doctor accused of murdering his wife in Utah! I did have the thought of flying out there and sitting in that courtroom, to see the players up close and personal. I’m going to spend the rest of the evening reading and watching a bit of TV. I’m pretty sure I’ll sleep better tonight. I can well imagine you’re busy with packing up your condo. Have you listed it yet or are you planning to sell it yourself? For me change is always stressful, even good change. For me a quick possession date on a new place would be ideal, as it wouldn’t give me as much time to stress about the move. It’ll be so nice for you once you move, as you say that your condo doesn’t feel the same for you since your husband died. Maybe you could ask your daughters to come over one day and have a cleaning bee and then take them out for supper. I once invited a bunch of friends and my daughter to come over and help me paint a huge verenda. Once they were all there, I decided we should have a girls’ day instead so we barbecued, visited, and had drinks. The verenda didn’t get painted but we had a lot of fun! Carole

[desdemona]

I slept terribly last night as well as had problems falling asleep. I was feeling disgusted with myself for gambling. I confessed to Danny this morning when he phoned me. I had been dreading telling him. I promised him I wouldn’t gamble today. I am enjoying living alone but I spend too much time alone. I am looking forward to finding some work soon, either casual, part-time, or fulltime, which will give my days more structure. It is scary that when I become self-sufficient financially, it’ll be another move away from Danny. I’m not rewarding myself with gambling for losing weight. The reward of losing weight is feeling and looking better. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((friends))) for your kind posts! (((Liz))) I’m so glad to hear that your weekend went well. I was thinking about you and about the scattering of your husband’s ashes. I saw the pic of you and your Boo on fb. Really cute!! (((Cat)) That amount of work for a winter project is huge, unless you’re going to hire or have people to help you. But when it’s done, I know it will look awesome. ((((P))) I am not regretting moving to the city and don’t want to have to move back if I can’t find a job. That’s why today I started seriously looking for work. I am even considering parttime work just to get my foot in the door, so that I can apply for internal positions that may come up later. I applied for 3 positions today, 2 of them parttime and one of them fulltime but in the inner city area. I didn’t want to work in the inner city area due to a fear of bed bugs, but I fear not getting a job more. The house is not listed (((Vera))) as it is a good retirement income. Right now my sister-in-law is managing it, and we still make money. I did some personal organizing today which I’ve been procrastinating about. The time for foolishness and laziness is long past, and if I want to get out of this funk I’ve been in, I’m going to have to do what I need to do, to move forward. I am doing well with my weight loss and that is a day at a time thing. That alone will make me feel better. I deleted the skill game I play online as I was wasting hours a day playing that. Carole

[desdemona]

The house sale falling through was not a total surprise to me as Dale saying he was working on the financing and a permit to develop the land had been going on for months. The house brings in a lot of rental income as we have 7 bedrooms rented out. My sister-in-law has been doing the managing of the house and the cleaning for $2,000 a month and she does an excellent job. My lease is up at the end of June, and I do have the option of moving back to the country if I don’t find a suitable job. I noticed that there aren’t many jobs in my field in the city. I relaized yesterday that the biggest reason there aren’t a lot of jobs is because when I was looking before I moved, I was looking at all the jobs in my field province wide. With my age and the number of years I’ve been out of the paid workforce, I believe that also makes a difference. I’m just going to have to do the day at a time. Within walking distance of me is a drop in ceramic studio. I saw people of all ages there. I used to do ceramics decades ago and it doesn’t interest me all that much but it may be somewhere to go occasionally. I saw advertised that Loretta Lynn was having a concert at a local casino. Many of you won’t know who she is. I’ve never seen her in concert and prefer to remember her voice as it was. She is 81 years old and I can’t imagine her having the energy to give a concert. One of my problems in the city is my small support network of friends. I could have more friends here but I don’t want to be friends with people that talk behind my back and who are emotionally draining at this stage of my life. I’d rather have no friends than bad friends! Carole

[desdemona]

The sale of the house is not going to go through. I’m not sure what I’m going to do except keep looking for a job. I had a great time out with my granddaughter tonight. We went to a Thai restaurant and had a nice meal there and then we went to see Runner Runner with Ben Affleck! What a handsome man he is!!! Then we played arcade games which was fun! I had made plans to go out with my granddaughter earlier in the day and when it came time to go, I really wasn’t feeling it, but I went anyways, so as to not disappoint her. Normally on a Saturday evening she’s at the bar with her friends. I was glad I went as I enjoyed the evening. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! You have done an amazing job of staying away from those machines. You’ve dealt with the death of your grandson and Ruth’s passing away, which I know affected you deeply, without gambling which is something a lot of us here at GT, could have never done. You need to give yourself credit for every recovery day you have. You deal on a daily basis with your husband’s addiction. And you work fulltime in an emotionally draining capacity. You really are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I like the 30 minute timer idea and if I can remember to buy a timer, I may try that myself. Keep doing what you’re doing Cat, and when you’re ready, the eating healthy will come. I’m doing the myfitnesspal on the internet. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! When I read the price of the insulin pump, and then that you would be covered for it all, I breathed a sigh of relief. But honestly, I don’t know how Americans can afford what they have to pay for healthcare. Great that you and Deb had such a good time together. How was the play? Carole

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