[desdemona]

My interview went well yesterday and I was able to answer all the questions that were asked. I overprepared for this interview as they didn’t ask any information based on questions such as the Act they fall under and definitions of the formal process to have patients committed or even what about psychiatrist diagnoses, etc. It was more about why I was suited for this position and scenario questions. It’s 11:30 am and none of my references have been contacted yet. I understood them to say that ideally they would like someone to start work on Monday. Today is Friday and these people don’t work on the weekend. I have been contacted by the bone marrow registry in Ottawa. The lady said it could be a week or two before anything happens when it comes to finding out whether I’m a complete match for donating my bone marrow to the person who needs it. In my mind, I would have expected to see things happening right away. So at least I know what’s happening with that part of my life. I hate being in limbo and in the past, that would have been a prime time for me to “cope” by gambling. Ken L would tell me to do the next right thing for me, so I just did, and put my sheets in the washing machine. I have not been sleeping the past few nights which is also dangerous to a cg. I won’t be gambling today!! I need to be patient and cope with life on life’s terms. Hopefully I will sleep tonight. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Cat))) for your kind posts to me. Sorry I haven’t been posting much to others on GT, but I’ve been trying to manage the changes in my life. I have a job interview this afternoon and I’ve prepared enough as long as I can go in there and relax and not have my mind go blank, like what happened in my interview in October. I only slept a couple of hours last night as I was thrilled with anticipation of possibly being a complete match as a bone marrow donor. And in between those thoughts going over in my head some of the answers to the possible questions they may ask today. I hope if they hire me that I can get time off for the trip to Disneyland I am going on December 13 to the 17th with 2 of our grandkids. I always hate asking for time off when I start a job. And what if I’m a match, then I’ll need time off for that as well. It doesn’t seem to be a good time to be applying for a job but I want that foot in the door as the pay would allow me to live comfortable as it is twice as much as I was making as a program attendant. One day at a time!! Today it’s the job interview. Carole

[desdemona]

I have been identified as a match to be a bone marrow donor. When they call me back I will have to go get blood work to see if I have enough markers in my blood to be a complete match to the person who needs the transplant. I am so hoping that I am a complete match so that I have an opportunity to save someone’s life. It was never on my bucket to list, but it is now. I’m off course not gambling now and do not have thoughts or urges, though I do admit that I had a thought of it because until I know for sure if I’m a match, I’m on pins and needles. If I’m not, I will feel low, but I’m expecting to feel that way. So I’ll be prepared for it! I have a job interview tomorrow for a term position that pays exceptionally well. It’s a foot in the door for internal permanent fulltime positions that get posted. Truth be known, I can hardly even think about the interview and getting prepared for it, because I so want to be a match for someone who needs my bone marrow. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Debbie)))! I can so relate to staying in an abusive relationship while in the throes of being a compulsive gambler. It’s only when we get into recovery that we start seeing the trees and not the forest. As hurtful as it was that Barry made the decision to not allow you to continue living in his residence, it was the best thing for you, as it mobilized you to move forward in your life. Now you are present in life, with its ups and downs, and you have the coping skills to handle life’s adversities. I have never regretted my decision to move to the city and live alone. It’s taken some getting used to many things, and getting back in the workforce at age 58 is daunting, but I’m doing it. Those of us in recovery are doing things we never thought possible, one day at a time! Carole

[desdemona]

(((Bettie))) It just seems to never end for you! You seem to have to fight for everything you need for your health. I hope that payment for the insulin pump gets sorted out soon, as you don’t need anymore stress. Sounds like you have a working cat now! Your cat has the ability to sense/smell when you are having an insulin reaction. I really hope that you can get your glucose levels stabilized soon. How is work going?? Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Cat))) and (((icandothis))) for your kind supportive posts! I too haven’t posted much other than to my own thread, as I am suddenly very busy, trying to manage fulltime employment. I don’t know if anyone has admired me before, but I really appreciate that you said that (((icandothis))). My gambling recovery has been far from perfect, but truth be known, I have learned a lot about recovery and myself. Since I’ve started working, it seems like gambling isn’t a problem for me as I don’t even get thoughts, even in stressful situations. I did have a thought of drowning my stress in a DQ ice cream blizzard but was able to convince myself that it isn’t in my healthy eating plan for now. Some people may say I am getting complacent, but truth be known I get to attend 12 step programs where I work, and get to support people in their alcohol and drug addictions. That helps me in my recovery. The positive changes in my life have come over an almost three year period of time that I’ve been in recovery . Patience has never been a strong suit of mine, but I live a day at a time, and just get through that day. A few of my favorite mottos are : It is what it is! Progress not perfection! I have never regretted my decision to move out on my own. I believe that timing has a lot to do with success, and if I try and push things through before I’m ready, things don’t work well for me. It took me almost 3 years to start addressing my weight issue. I waited till I felt ready. Ready for me was when the feelings and thoughts associated with being overweight outweighed the sacrifices of eating healthier, if that makes sense. It was like the way I felt when I first got into gambling recovery. It was easier to be in recovery than living the lifestyle associated with compulsive gambling. I am thankful that I didn’t have to hit a lower rock bottom than I did before the insanity stopped. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Liz))) I’m so happy to hear that you’re excited about your move to your new home. Sounds like your days are going to be busy going back and forth between both places for a while. A day at a time and soon you’ll be all moved, and then you can take your time getting settled in. You’ve accomplished so much in a short period of time. I hope your condo sells quickly and at a good price for you. You and I are moving forward and we’re doing it without gambling. Woowho!!! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Liz)))! it does seem funny that you’re moving to a small town and that I am now living in the city. I am so busy working fulltime now that I don’t have the time to post to others threads, like I would like to. I so enjoy living alone as it’s so much less stress and I can actually relax when I’m home. My days off are going to be Tuesdays and Wednesdays, though I think I’m going to have to put boundaries around those days for self-care as I think I will get asked to work on days off. I’m off to shower and get my war paint on for my shift today! Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Bettie))) (((Cat))) and (((Liz))) for your kind supportive posts. I have been put on fulltime hours now which gives me enough money to pay my basic expenses such as rent, utilities, and groceries, if Danny doesn’t keep helping me out financially. My hope is to move up in the organization I presently work in, at some time in the future, so that I can better support myself. Today I am working 11 hours, till midnight, and then I have to be on shift at 8:00 am tomorrow. That is not going to give me enough time to drive home, sleep, and get up at 6:00 am to get ready for work. I have the same scenario Sunday till midnight and then have to be on shift Monday morning at 8:00 am. I was hired as casual and within 4 shifts am working fulltime hours. I found this job in the “hidden” job market. It really is a blessing though it is demanding emotionally and physically. Carole

[desdemona]

Wrote my class 4 exam and failed it! I was very upset as I am not used to failing when it comes to tests and exams. I didn’t study for it like I usually study, which is writing things down that I feel are important. I simply read the book. Just prior to walking into the exam in the car, Danny and I had a fight as he was not respecting my simple request to be dropped off at the front door of the registries office, as it was icy. Instead he parked on a side street. He even folded his arms and pushed me in the car which is something new as he has never been physical with me before. I was very upset by this behavior and told him later in the day that should he ever display this kind of behavior towards me again, that I would have to do something about it. By something about it I mean going to the police and filing a report. I was hired for casual and am working 6 eight hour shifts in a row and taking a refresher course on Friday before I work that shift. The schedule is posted weekly but I’m sure next week’s schedule will be fulltime hours by the time it’s all said and done. I like the job as it makes me feel appreciated and gives me some financial security if Danny decides not to keep helping me out financially till I get a job that pays better in the workplace I’m already at. I also like that I’m forced to be more active physically with all that walking. Yesterday I had the opportunity to walk in the snow covered meadow with clients over the lunch hour. My focus these days is working hard and doing a really good job at my shifts and of eating healthy. That keeps me occupied as I had way too much time on my hands when I first moved to the city, a few months ago. I luxuriate in the time when I get home from work and totally relax for a few hours before I’m able to sleep. I love the evening shift though I am working days occasionally. It fits with my biological clock! My stamina is building up faster than I expected. I want to live the rest of my life in health and not in sickness due to lifestyle decisions I make. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Liz))), (((Cat))), (((P))), and (((Vera))) for your kind supportive posts to me. I honestly did not have the stamina to do another shift, and I probably would have passed out, so it was good that I didn’t try and people please at my detriment. I also got an email from my credit card company asking me to do a survey online. My people pleasing nature kicked in for a few seconds as I thought I should be accommodating to them. Then I thought I didn’t want to do a survey and spend my time so I deleted the email. People pleasing comes in various disguises and it’s up to me to recognize whether I want to invest my time and energy in each individual situation. My plan for today is to read my driver’s book and possibly go write my class 4 exam. I work tomorrow at 10:00 am, and I would like to get this next step completed. Gambling is the furthest thing from my mind. I have no room for that in my life, so the thoughts don’t come. I’m grateful I have a job as it fills many needs, such as self-esteem, social interaction, loneliness, boredom,and some financial. (((Liz))) It seems as everything is falling into place for you too. I don’t know what happens at Probate Court so you’ll have to enlighten me. Whatever it is, I hope it’s good! Carole

[desdemona]

I arrived at work 45 minutes early yesterday as the roads were good. Now that I’ve driven in winter conditions, I am no longer as stressed about winter driving anymore. My shift last night was physically and emotionally exhausting as I’m learning new things. I was asked to work a double shift from midnight to 8:00 am after my evening shift yesterday. I asked to let me think about it, and after thinking about it, I decided that self-care necessitated that I refuse the shift. Then I was called today which is a day off, to come in and work the reception desk and again I refused as I have other plans for today. I was hired as casual but am scheduled for three days this week. I can foresee being scheduled for fulltime hours in the not too distant future. Working part-time right now allows me to build my stamina up, to be able to work fulltime. (((Vera))) I cannot imagine how you worked full-time 12 hours shifts, as I would be a walking zombie if I had to do that!! Today I’m tidying up my house, doing laundry, and cleaning my bathroom. I actually wore make-up 5 days out of the past 7. Wearing make-up may not seem like anything big but it’s something I’ve done rarely in almost 2 decades. To me it’s another step in self-care as I feel more attractive wearing it. All that walking is also going to be helpful in my weight loss efforts, but it also makes me much hungrier. I am feeling better about myself and feel that I’m contributing to society in general by working. I am taking everything a day at a time!!! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! I’m sorry to hear that your friend died, and that your brother is laid off from work! I hope the lay-off is temporary and that he goes back to work very soon, or gets another job! That has to be worrisome for all family members. Your brother has had more than his share of stress in the past year, with his daughter. Sorry to hear that you are having those insulin reactions, and that you are going to have to have the insulin pump. I agree with Vera that it does sound like you should be on sick leave, but knowing how your workplace operates, it doesn’t sound like they encourage staff to take good care of themselves. Sounds like it’s ALL about operational requirements! If your cats are waking you up during the night, maybe you could consider having them sleep somewhere other than your room. My cats sleep at the end of my bed but if they started waking me up, I would banish the “beggars” to another room. I need my sleep! I hope that your health stabilizes with the new mode of insulin delivery! I hope that you get positive results from seeing the eye and lung doctor. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Liz))) for your support and kind words! I’m hoping that whatever needs fixing gets fixed prior to possession date for you. My guess is that if the seller is motivated to sell, he/she will put fixing those things as their top priority. I’m excited for you to move to a house that you chose. You’ll have everything the way you wanted, and those 2 turtles you bought as a reminder of your trip to San Diego. You will live in a much cooler environment, which I’m sure you’ll enjoy!! Does it ever snow where you’re moving to? We had a winter storm that started yesterday later afternoon, and it looks like it’s going to stay. My vehicle is covered in several inches of snow and the roads are slick so I need to be very careful driving to work later today. I don’t have snow tires on yet! I’m guilty of magical thinking as I was hoping we wouldn’t get winter for a while! Your daughter’s retail store sounds like it’s going to have some interesting things to sell. I love unique clothing. My daughter and her running friends are travelling to San Diego tomorrow morning for a marathon, and they will be there for a week. It’s hard for me to believe that I’m back to working. Had I stayed with Danny, I wouldn’t of had to work, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I find that I am becoming more of who I used to be. I am more relaxed when I am alone, and have a more optimistic view of the world. I am no longer going to give my power away to anyone again. I’ve been blessed that I’ve had the time to adjust to the changes in my life without getting too overwhelmed. I have had anxiety about starting to work, and I feel some anxiety working my 2nd shift today. I know that once I feel that I know the job well, that this anxiety will pass. I just have to stay with my feelings for now. I have zero thoughts/urges to gamble. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Cat))) for your kind words! I absolutely could not have started working fulltime due to sleep issues and lack of stamina. I’m working evenings tomorrow and we are expecting 15 to 20 centimeters of snow, and it’s already started snowing. I don’t have snow tires on my vehicle yet, though I’ve asked Danny to bring them when he comes to the city on Monday. I went to the Fabulous 50’s show today which is a baby boomer women’s event. I bought myself two articles of clothing (a jacket and a shawl with arm holes???). They are so unique and when I had the jacket on several women stopped and told me that it was so “me.” I also stopped at a booth that has belly dancing for us all old gals. The lady said she can teach anyone to belly dance. I tend to believe her but will have to look to see if I have a regular work schedule before I commit to classes. I didn’t sleep well or much last night so it was hard to get up this morning to go meet my friends. After the women’s show we went out for a healthy lunch and when I came home I had a big nap as I was exhausted!!! I almost forgot to tell you this. The event was at a casino and on our way out, the gals I was with decided to stop and play a machine. For one second I was tempted but just sat there watching them. No gambling for this girl!! Carole

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