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Dear (((icandothis)))! It sounds like you have had lots of challenges of late, and you have managed them brilliantly. It is so true that when our kids hurt, we hurt for them. Better to find out a partner isn’t for us sooner than later. We’ve all had our hearts broken, some of us more than once, and we do recover, and it does make it stronger eventually. Your daughter’s heart will heal and she will be happy again. Take care of yourself and your recovery, because it’s all we have. Carole
That is true (((Liz))) that you are going to have yardwork to do in your new place, so that will take up some of your time. A dog sounds exciting. Those larger breeds need to be walked so you’ll get exercise doing that as well. Maybe you can get a cat as well. There are so many cats and dogs that need forever homes. I wish people would be more responsible and get their pets spayed and neutered. I used to love our acreage and will miss the whole cycle of life in the spring and summer. Small town living is wonderful if a person can find enough to do. I’m sure that won’t be a problem for you with your grandson, daughter, and mother living close to you. Is your daughter going to have a web site for online buying? How is your Aunt doing in California?? Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! Now that you mention it, I seem to recall your brother getting called back to work but I didn’t know he had sprained his ankle badly. To be laid off because the person didn’t attend the company Halloween party sounds rather bizarre. I’m sure in the US economy these days employers can do what they want, without fear of consequence to themselves. Your niece seems to be controlling the show, but that is part of her disorder(s). You and I both know that your brother is enabling her disorders. And as with gambling, a change in geography doesn’t allow us to outrun our illness. Honestly when my granddaughter was at the height of her mental illness, when she didn’t want to kill herself, but had constant thoughts telling her she should, I had to come to an acceptance that we could get her mental health help but that ultimately it was going to be up to her if she did kill herself. I had to come to a point where I had to let her go in my mind and if she did kill herself, I would deal with that at the time. Of course my daughter did put in safeguards such as not letting her babysit her younger sisters, and getting a babysitter to come instead. My daughter’s fear was that in my granddaughter’s diseased mind, that she could kill herself and her little sisters. With the confidentiality laws, your brother can’t even go talk to your niece’s therapists without her consent, and her disorders involve maintaining a lot of secrecy. If your niece continued to get treatment where she lives, she could have follow-up and support right where she is. Things must be tough in your sister’s household financially with your brother-in-law not working, and not getting disability benefits. In order to get disability benefits in Canada, a person must not be able to manage any kind of employment, even if it isn’t in their trained field. If you can answer a phone, they expect you to get that kind of a job. I hope your brother-in-law gets that sorted out soon. How is your daughter doing?? Carole
(((Bettie))) That roast beef dinner sounds delicious!! What does the cola have to do with cooking a roast? Does it tenderize the meat and if so, is it tenderizing our tummies when we drink it??? Did your brother get called back to work or did he find other work?? We haven’t heard anything about your brother-in-law. Did he find another job?? Are you still doing your Mom’s hair?? What plans do you have for Christmas?? I have none so far. Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! When do we stop feeling “less than.” That’s a very good question. Self-loathing is a very sad strong word! The words we use whether we are talking to ourselves or others, influence greatly how we see ourselves and situations. It sounds like you need a new vocabulary of words. I would venture to say that no one feels completely good about themselves all the time. I know that I am sensitive to rejection and perceived rejection, whether the rejection has any basis in fact or not. If I don’t get hired for a job even though I believe I’ve interviewed well, I take it personally. They didn’t like me; there must be something wrong with me.” The facts may be that someone was more qualified than I am, or they have someone they would like to hire but have to go through the process of posting the position and interviewing those that qualify. When I worked for the Public Service Commission staffing positions, I participated in interview boards where the department already had someone they wanted specifically to hire, prior to the interviews. Can you imagine if we talked to people the way we allow ourselves to talk to ourselves?? A friend comes and says she didn’t get the job. Our response to her would be “they didn’t like you; there must be something wrong with you.” And yet we treat ourselves that way!! If a person has grown up as a child being criticized and their needs not being met, they will grow up like you and I, feeling not worthy because it’s been hammered into our head, that we aren’t worthy. We need to learn to play different tapes in our head than the ones that other people have conditioned us to hear. I’m talking about me here as well. We need to learn to be kind to ourselves. Carole
Dear (((Liz)))! I really liked your condo, especially your yard, but like you said, it was your husband that purchased it, and it no longer felt like home to you, since he passed away. Hopefully it will sell quickly so that you no longer have to deal with it anymore. You have been very busy ever since your husband passed away. You do need to identify some things you enjoy to do, before everything gets resolved in your life such as the condo selling, and the court stuff with your husband’s daughter. You don’t want huge gaps of time where you have lots of time to think about gambling, and you’re at a point where it’s like “now what??” Any plans to get a cat for your grandson??? There will be challenges with your Mom and daughter as negative behavior patterns just don’t go away, even if our hope is for a happy family that gets along well. You have rocked recovery, even with going through the cancer journey with your husband, and his subsequent death, so give yourself a lot of credit for that. I couldn’t have done what you have done, and not fallen apart! Carole
Hi (((Bettie)))! I’m sure it was (((Cat))) that you wanted to thank for the advice, as I didn’t give you any, silly girl! If I was giving you advice, I would say to go into your workplace and not worry about getting let go. Be pleasant and do the best job that you can for that day. Your job is to support your manager and help him meet his goals, by meeting yours. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring and that’s why we have to live in today. I used to worry more about everything, but would tell myself that for today I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and my bill payments are current. I’m sorry that you are having so many health challenges. That has to be difficult to deal with and you have to make the best decisions for yourself. You have been so successful with living a gamble free life. Give yourself tons of credit for that! The hardest thing I had to deal with in my recovery was the fact that I didn’t feel I was worthy of recovery, and that I had value. We are worthy of healthcare and a life without a gambling addiction. Carole