[desdemona]

Hi Ed! I read your thread and have to say that your story is inspiring. I`m so happy that your wife chose to stay with you and support you. She sounds like an angel. You have done brilliantly with your recovery. I`m of the opinion that this is a disease that can`t be arrested without support, as the disease thrives in secrecy. Wishing you a gamble free day and a lifetime of blessings. Carole

[desdemona]

Thinking of you (((Cat)))! A day at a time! I know this is a very busy month for you work wise. Is there anyone that you can delegate to attend some of the functions to. What date are you flying out. My question mark key is not working. I get a É instead of a question mark. We are leaving tomorrow the 13th and won`t be back till the 17th. I am feeling 65% better than I was. Maybe I`ll be 75% better tomorrow. I`m hoping anyways! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear Hesham! Interesting to me that you are from Cairo. I visited Cairo in March of the following year of the devastating attacks on September 11th. I am from Canada and Egypt was interesting to see. I particularly liked the Valley of the Kings and the Egyptian Museum. It`s only recently that I have realized that gambling in Muslim countries is illegal, and that the penalties are tough. I am happy that you found this GT site. When I first started recovery I lived on this site reading other people`s stories, posting a lot, and participating in the chat groups. It helped me feel less alone, and that other people understood how compulsive gambling can become. I applaud your gamble free days and hope that you have many more. Find all the support you can here and GA has helped to set many captives free. Wishing you a gamble free day!! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear Meg! That was a great step in coming here and posting. I can totally understand your fear and hesitation of joining the group your psychiatrist has suggested. Many years ago before I was even gambling I was seeing a psychologist for help in dealing with childhood sexual abuse. She suggested that I join a group at the hospital and I had great anxiety about doing that, because I didn`t want to talk about my issues in front of a group of strangers. I even went into her office before the group was going to start, and told her I just couldn`t face joining a group. Somehow she coaxed me into going to the group. I listened to other people`s stories and they didn`t stay strangers long because of the empathy I was feeling for them, and the group experience helped me. I stayed with the group for a year or two, and it `saved my life.` I was able to work out a lot of issues there. Prior to seeking help I had laid in my bed for 2 weeks debating whether I would or could suicide, but I decided to seek help as I could not leave that kind of legacy for my children who were young at the time. I hope that you come back to posting and working on your recovery. Compulsive gambling is a progressive disease and if you think that your problem is not bad now, it will only get worse. Carole

[desdemona]

Hi (((icandothis)))! I can relate to what you said about time for you means gambling. I don’t drink so can’t relate to that aspect. The truth is that gambling isn’t fun or a relax time once we’ve crossed that line and become compulsive gamblers. We sit down at a machine and then it starts taking one bill after another and our hope is that the machine will give us back what we walked in with, and what we’ve taken out from the ATM. Sadly, that seldom happens and on the rare occasion it does, we don’t stop gambling until we have no more access to cash. And then it’s the negative thoughts and feelings we have after the episode, and the renewed thoughts of going gambling again the next day to recoup our losses and win some money. We all know what happens the next day, and the day after……….It’s a gradual process but if we keep working at it, time for us starts involving sleeping enough, going to the movies, buying ourselves clothes, spending time with people that we care about, going for a mani/pedi, etc. I used to be able to find an excuse that sounded plausible for me and that justified my slips. I’ve gambled and searched my mind for something that happened that I could excuse my gambling. I started living in my truth and had to accept that I gambled because I wanted to. Gambling is not an escape; it is a cunning disease that will rob us of everything we hold dear, unless we keep working at recovery. My recovery has been far from perfect, but I’m still here fighting on for almost the past 3 years. You can do it!! Wishing you a gamble free day! Carole

[desdemona]

(((P))) Where are you? I hope that you managed to get through your day without gambling. Carole

[desdemona]

Hi Kdn! Like you I won a large amount of money the first time I went into the casino. I felt like I was stealing the money and asked my girlfriend to leave the casino with me immediately after they paid me. I knew I had a gambling problem the second time I went into the casino with my sister-in-laws. We were visiting the city as my husband’s daughter was having a wedding shower. When it came time to go to the shower, I was very reluctant to leave, as I was up $300. I shared my winnings with them and we left, even though had I had a choice, I would have stayed instead of going to a boring wedding shower. The worse thing that can happen to a person in a casino is to win the first time they go. That sets up thinking that a person will win every time they go, and it sets up greedy thinking. If a person is up with their money, they want to be up more, and they think that if they keep gambling, the machine has to hit. It took me a long time to understand the concept of what it meant chasing our losses. As compulsive gamblers, we cannot stop and will only leave the venue when we don’t have anymore access to cash to gamble with. That is why recovery is so important. Gambling addiction is a progressive disease, so unless a person gets support and gets into recovery, their life will become worse and worse, and the person will become more emotionally ill. You’ve gotten some really good advice from people that have already posted as to how to put barriers up so that you can’t gamble. Learn all you can about the disease and learn how to work recovery before this disease takes everything good from you. Wishing you a gamble free day. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((reds)))! I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I am living in the city. If you have some time and come to the city by yourself, I’d like it if you would phone me and we could go for lunch. Carole

[desdemona]

I’m feeling 65% recovered from my cold.
I won’t be gambling today as Danny arrives this afternoon, and we will spend the day getting ready to fly out tomorrow morning to Disneyland with 2 of the grandkids.

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie))) Today being Thursday I believe is your day off. With working fulltime and your health appointments, your condo, and other commitments, you have a lot on your plate. If you aren’t having people to your house for Christmas, why bother with lugging out all the Christmas things?? I don’t have a single decoration in my house, and am not putting anything up. It doesn’t stop me from enjoying the work other people have done in decorating. That party with your old boss, is it the one that people come and go and it’s held in some rich person’s house?? With appetizers and a glass of wine?? I hate those kinds of events as they seem so pretentious, but maybe your event is not pretentious. I would only go if I wanted to, not to please someone else. You said you were exhausted; perhaps sleep might be in order instead. If you go, I hope you enjoy yourself. My friend asked me to go to a cooking class with her and my response was “couldn’t we go and do something fun instead?” I don’t go places I don’t want to go anymore unless it involves my grandkids, and even then I say no at times. Were you able to get your insulin pump, and if so, how is that working for you? Thank goodness you have a cat who recognizes when you are in trouble with your glucose levels. You should nominate your cat as a “hero.” I am loving having my cats, especially the last one I got, as he talks to me a lot, and lays beside me while I watch TV or am on the computer. I am going to get my act more together in the new year, and unless someone I care about dies, I plan on having a very good year, with a renewed outlook on my recovery, and some volunteer work. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks Janey for this information. I believe that my browser is google but don’t know if it’s google chrome. When I have a bit more time I will figure out what time zone I am in (Alberta, Canada) and see if I can get the chat thing going for me, as I so enjoyed the groups.

[desdemona]

(((Laura))) I feel honoured that you would spend 2 1/2 hours of your life reading my thread. It makes me think that I should reread it myself to see what’s been going on in my life. LOL! When I think back to my whole thread since I’ve been on this site, I’ve dealt with a lot of things here. When I first came to recovery, I was full of fear, anxiety, depressed, and saw no way to stop gambling other than end my life. I tend to forget how emotionally ill I was pre-recovery. I didn’t think that recovery could work for me as I was so undisciplined and falsely self-entitled. Recovery has been a process of learning how to recover and understanding why I became a compulsive gambler, and developing new coping skills. It’s been about finding my voice which was not appreciated by some people, and learning not to be a people pleaser. In the course of all this, I left Danny and moved to the city. I was in that contemplation state for years, before I finally decided that enough was enough. We still spend time together but it is mostly on my terms. Change is scary but I did things slowly and had time to adjust before taking on the next task in my recovery. I’ve been blessed that when I had a slip, it didn’t turn into a full blown relapse, and that I was able to come back to support right away. I credit this site for a huge part of my recovery, even though I did the work. I felt like people understood me here, being cgs themselves, and I treasure everyone that has been part of my recovery journey. The friends I have made here such as you and others, all contributed to my recovery as well as the staff of course. I am feeling a tad better than I was yesterday. We leave in the morning for California with our grandkids, so I’m going to have to do the best that I can with where I am health-wise for the kids’ sake. I have laundry to do, dishes, clean my bathroom, and pack today. My granddaughter is coming to stay with my cats while I’m away. (((Laura))) I feel for you that you live in chronic pain. Carole

[desdemona]

Hi (((Bettie))) I came to your thread as I was wondering how you were and what you had been doing. I see you haven’t posted since November 30th. I don’t believe that you’re gambling, just doing other things. Carole

[desdemona]

Hi (((iwon)))! I read your thread and have to admire your honesty in posting every time you have had a slip. It’s like that for many of us. We don’t have perfection in our recovery, but progress instead. I have been in recovery for 3 years and most of my days have been gamble free. Keep working recovery as it does get easier. Carole

[desdemona]

What was good in my day today:
I’m thankful for the GT site, and for the supportive friends I have met here.
I didn’t gamble.
I was feeling lonely so I posted on some of the new people’s threads.
I’m feeling about 50% recovered from my cold. Carole

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