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Dear (((nacole)))! I fully understand what those posts of support mean to you, as I lived on this site for the first 2 years of my recovery. I wondered if I was getting addicted to this site. I decided that if I was becoming addicted to this site, it was a far healthier addiction than gambling. It’s really hard to think about what you could be doing once gambling urges hit, so I made up a list of other things to do instead. I had a jigsaw puzzle going on my dining room table, books to read, some of which were about addiction and mindfulness, small chores, people to phone and catch up with, etc. I also put in barriers such as reducing my ATM limit to $100, as I didn’t feel that was enough to go gamble with. I asked that my cash advance on my credit card be removed, as I was always maxing it out every month. You can probably relate to this living in a small town. You just know that everyone that works in your bank knows you are a compulsive gambler, but yet you go in there and withdraw large sums of money often. I always felt like I was being judged by most of the tellers. When I was feeling that I had gambling urges, I stayed home till the banks were closed so I couldn’t go in there and withdraw money to gamble. That could also be a strategy for you to use. I used to take my dog(s) to town with me as I would not let my dog sit in my car when the weather was hot or cold. I would take my grandchildren with me, so that I couldn’t go into the vlts to play. I learned how to pay my bills online. I’m sure that you will be able to come up with barriers to help you in your recovery journey. It takes time to learn about recovery, but you can learn so much by reading other people’s threads. I live in Canada; which country do you live in? What hobbies did you have before you became a compulsive gambler. I used to machine quilt, flower and vegetable garden, scrapbook, and make jewellery which my daughter and I sold at craft shows. None of these activities interested me anymore so it’s been hard to find replacement activities. I went through the whole Michael’s craft store and didn’t see anything that interested me to start doing as I used to be a crafter before and did cake decorating, made wreaths and other crafts, painted intricate ornaments, did stamping cards, and who can remember what else. I do enjoy reading and always have, and have to admit I’m an evening TV addict for crime shows mostly. Seeing as I can’t find a hobby besides reading, I have decided to do volunteer work in the coming year for habitat for humanity, even though I can’t hit a nail on the head with a hammer. I’m sure I’ll learn!!! I can tell you that playing free slots online will only increase your desire to gamble for real money. I’m just trying to impart some of the mistakes and successes I’ve made in my recovery journey. Keep doing this day by day and moment by moment if that’s what you need to do. This may seem like a foreign concept to you, but reward yourself as often as you can. Many of us have felt that we could reward ourselves by gambling for staying gamble free for a time. It seems insane but that’s what our addiction will tell us. It’s much better to buy a bottle of nailpolish, get a manicure or a pedicure, get a good haircut, buy a piece of clothing, a new eyeshadow, a journal or a book, go to a movie, go to a restaurant, etc. If you live close enough to a casino to drive there, get yourself self-excluded for as long as they allow. I self-excluded for 5 years. Some people ask a spouse or family member to manage the finances for a time till they get strong enough to handle money again. And if you have the household financial responsibilities and your husband is not willing to assume that, make sure he knows how to check your account online so that you can be held accountable. That is usually a pretty good deterrent for a lot of people. You’ll figure out what you need to stay gamble free and what barriers you need to have in place. These are just suggestions that have helped me. You can do this! Carole
Dear (((sad)))! I signed up to do the higher stakes course today on the setting captives free site. Thanks for the suggestion! Carole
Dear (((Bettie)))! Good for you for putting up a small tree for Christmas. I don’t have a single decoration up as my place is too small and I dislike Christmas and the stress it puts on people, especially those people struggling financially, and emotionally. If your appeal is successful for your insulin pump, won’t they go by the date you applied for it, as opposed to the date they approve it. Those insurance companies in your country don’t seem to care about people at all. Seems to be the bottom line is money all the time!! As far as your niece’s mother goes, she obviously isn’t thinking long-term about her daughter. She is setting herself up for her daughter to have negative feelings towards her when the daughter realizes, that her mother choose not to put her daughter’s mental health needs before her own needs. It’s hard to grasp as most mothers are like lionesses when it comes to their kids. I hope that your niece finds the help she needs to get better. Carole
Dear (((P)))! To me counting days is not something that is beneficial to me. I prefer to live in the day that is. In the end, that’s all we have is today. I read that you don’t know if you’ll be able to stay gamble free forever. Why worry about that P? All you need to do is stay gamble free today. None of us knows if today will be our last day on earth. Sounds morbid but it’s true. There have been times when I have had thoughts of gambling and I’ve googled compulsive gambling and suicide, at Bettie’s suggestion. This addiction has 5 times the suicide rate of other addictions. It’s a sobering statistic and really sad that those people didn’t find recovery, like we have. We deserve better than a life of compulsively gambling, and so do our loved ones. So many of us feel so undeserving of help and support. Progress not perfection but as Dr Phil says, when we knew better, we did better. So let’s expect better of ourselves because we now know better. Carole
I’m on track to have a gamble free month of December.
I have decided to go to my daughter’s for Christmas Day, even though I’m somewhat nervous about returning to the country, as I have not been back since I moved to the city.
I’m feeling better than I was, though I still have a cold.
I applied for a job today.
I have had no thoughts/urges to gamble. Carole
Dear (((Nacole)))! Let me assure you that every compulsive gambler knows exactly how you are feeling. We just have different stories. I too lived rurally and would frequent the vlts almost on a daily basis. My husband knew I gambled but not how often or how much money I was spending, as I was the one that managed the finances. He always told me that as long as there was enough money to cover the bills and living expenses, he had no problem with me gambling. I became addicted to gambling the first time a friend took me to a casino because I won the first time I went. It has been said that slot machines are the crack cocaine of gambling. I knew I had a gambling problem right from when I first started gambling, and felt what I was doing was insane, but felt powerless when it came to quitting my addictive behavior. I isolated myself at home, other than when I went to play the vlts. I too worked from home, so I really understand. The only time I felt alive was when I was at the venue and could play the vlts and chat with other players. The only thing that I cared about was my grandchildren and compulsively gambling. This site saved me from myself. I learned about the addiction and how to recover here. Most spouses don’t know how to support us in recovery. They too need a recovery program so they can learn about how addictive this disease is, and how to best support us. Recovery is possible but it also includes a healthy dose of honesty to our spouse/family about how serious our addiction is. This disease can be arrested but never cured. It is a progressive disease and unless a person starts recovery, the addiction will get worse, and the guilt, shame, loathing, etc will increase. I thought the only way that I was going to quit was to die at my own hand. Thank God I found recovery online. Live on this site if you have to, to get you through your days. The same recovery principles that apply to alcohol and drug addiction, apply to compulsive gambling. Many treatment centres are now grouping all addictions together when it comes to providing treatment for addictions, because the recovery work is the same. Addictions thrive on isolation and secrecy, so that’s why it is important to start being honest. Secrets keep us sick as they say. I found a huge challenge in filling the void after I quit gambling, especially since I lived rurally. There was nothing I wanted to participate in, or was interested in. Pulling weeds and vacumming up after 5 dogs just didn’t cut it for me. You can do this, one day at a time. Carole
Dear (((trinitysky)))! I’m so sorry that your boyfriend is not going to stand by you and support you. Perhaps when he has had some time to think about it, he may change his mind. His parents’ focus will be on their son as someone so eloquently said previously, so their reaction isn’t surprising. You are under a tremendous amount of stress right now, and staying the path for your recovery has to be your priority. You need to stay clear thinking so that you handle your next court date with clarity and honesty. I am really hoping that you get to keep your job, and your recovery and job can be building blocks to start a new life with less stress. Take each day moment by moment and try to worry as little as you can. Someone suggested the serenity prayer and perhaps picturing God of your understanding being a big eagle and sheltering you under his wing can be helpful. I really feel for you (((trinitysky))) and am hoping that good things start happening in your life. If your boyfriend chooses not to stand by you, perhaps he isn’t the man you think he is. Carole
Dear (((Liz)))! Happy, Happy Birthday to you! Another year older and another year wiser as the saying goes! Your grandson will have a great time in Hawaii, and you will have the time to do what you want and to relax. I think going out for Christmas Dinner is a wonderful idea. Leave the cooking and cleaning up to someone else. I am going to my daughter’s for Christmas Day and then driving home on Boxing Day. I haven’t been back to the country since I left Danny, so it’s a bit uncomfortable for me, but I do want to see my daughter and the grandgirls. My oldest granddaughter was here yesterday making iced shortbread cookies and I ate far too many of them. I also ate far too much on our trip to Disneyland. With the new year in sight, will come new resolve as far as eating healthy. It’s great to hear that your relationship with your daughter has come such a long way. Relationships are always works in progress, and mother/daughter relationships are always the most complicated. From what you mentioned earlier in the year, I am not surprised that your nephew ended up in jail. It’s just too bad that it had to be so close to Christmas. But like you say, we all need to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Hopefully your nephew will “see” that what he’s doing isn’t working well for him, and will decide to take another path in life. It sure has been an eventful year for you, both good and bad, but you’ve managed to stay sane through it all, and you are an inspiration to me and I’m sure countless others. Carole
Hi Momo! My heart breaks for that young boy who saw his mother begging a relative for help in paying the electricity bill. That scenario would have had a powerful effect on any child who witnessed that. I see that you haven’t posted since your original post on November 11th. I’m hoping you come back as there is support on this site so that you can finally get to where enough is enough. Carole
Sorry (((trinitysky))) that you’re having the stress of not knowing whether you’re going to be outed for your arrest. What job did you take? I can understand why you feel that the sky could fall down on you at any moment. Try to relax as much as you can, as worrying will not change anything at all. Wishing you the best and hoping that things go in your favor. Carole
(((P))) My experience has been that the thoughts of gambling come mostly before the urges, so I find it important to not focus on the thoughts and try to dismiss them. As soon as I start thinking about how much money I can take out from the bank, I’m as good as sitting in front of a vlt machine. I find that if I get into the urge state, I’m fine as long as I stay home. Way to go for conquering your urges and staying gamble free. Carole
I see you haven`t posted for a good bit (((Debbie))). You must be busy with your granddaughter and with your beau! Hope life is treating you well. Carole
Hi ((((readytochange)))! A huge congratulations on every single one of your gamble free days. It isn`t always easy to work recovery, but it sure is worth it not to live the insanity of compulsively gambling. It would be good to remind ourselves of how we felt pre-recovery. For me fear, anxiety, and depression were ever present. Recovery has so many benefits and compulsive gambling will steal everything we hold dear eventually. Way to go (((rtc))). Carole
Hi (((Kin)))! It`s Carole but I am using Desdemona as a new site name. It`s great to see you back posting. I have had a lot of changes in my life and haven`t really been posting much, other than to my own thread. Keep working your recovery Kin, as I am. I`ve had lots of slips in the 3 years I`ve been in recovery, but I keep working at living a gamble free life. I hope you`re well! Carole