[desdemona]

I went on the forum hoping to talk with Charles but there was someone named waynes who said he was the group facilitator. I didn’t stay long as I have no idea who he is. I am gamble free though I had gambling urges all day long yesterday. A woman I know well lost her granddaughter to cancer on December 8th at the age of 9. She also lost her daughter to cancer 4 years ago. I put myself in this woman’s mind and feel her grief which seems unbearable to have lost her daughter and then this daughter’s child. Normally I would gamble to deal with my emotions but yesterday I had a blizzard at Dairy Queen, which is less destructive. This little girl that died met Kate Middleton and Prince William in Calgary in 2011 and was chosen to present a bouquet of flowers as that was her Make a Wish dream to meet a princess. The family has a lot of support which I’m thankful for. Carole

[desdemona]

Charles came up with a brilliant idea for me to manage rent money paid to me in cash. He suggested a tin or a box that has a slot on top that I can deposit the cash to, and then when Danny gets home he can use a key to open the box. So simple and I wish I would have thought of that myself. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you to my dear (((friends))) for supporting me through your posts after my gambling binge. I’m happy to report that yesterday was a gamble free day and today will be as well. Claudia called me at 9:45 pm last night to say her vehicle was stuck in a ditch and could I ask one of the renters to come tow her out. I told her that the only renter home with a truck drinks when he gets home. I told her that I couldn’t tow her out with my vehicle as I didn’t want to damage my vehicle as I don’t know the first thing about towing someone. She asked me if I knew anyone else that could tow her out. She asked me who I would ask if I was in the ditch. I told her my son-in-law but that he was at a hockey game. She had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and the doctor prescribed her even more Percocet as she claims to have severe migraine headaches every day and that the only reason she is able to get out of bed in the mornings is because of the pain meds that are prescribed for her. I’ve had 4 migraine headaches in my life so I know what a migraine looks like and how a person behaves. She doesn’t have severe migraines on a daily basis. It’s frustrating for me as I was hoping that the doctor would start weaning her off the medication as it is a narcotic comprised of tylenon and oxycontin. I know what she does is none of my business and I need to let it go, and just say no to her when she gets herself into problems. What did she do before she moved into my rental? Who helped her? Danny said that she shows no “remorse” that she asks people for way too much. I wouldn’t ask my renters to come tow me out. She managed to get someone to tow her out as she was here this morning with her car. My granddaughter is doing fine at the present time and classes are over so she is writing exams. I am babysitting my granddaughters overnight tonight as it is my daughter’s work Christmas party and I’m not driving home in the dead of night. I went back to using myfitnesspal yesterday as I have gained back 18 out of the 20 pounds I lost a year ago. I went off the program when I ended up in Winnipeg for 26 days as opposed to a 4 day visit, when my mother was hospitalized. I am unhappy with the extra weight I am carrying and feel ready to do something about it again. That’s the good that came out of my gambling binge. I asked myself what I could do to gain more control of my life and that’s what I came up with. It also adds a little more structure in my daily life as I have to plan for what I’m going to eat for that day. I took the Quality Street chocolates to the renters’ house, threw away cookies, and took cookie dough to my daughter’s. Anyways, I’m doing well! Carole

[desdemona]

I went on a gambling binge yesterday. I was angry at Danny because I felt that once again he showed me he didn’t care about me, when he didn’t come with me to pick Claudia up. I was angry at Claudia because she is so needy and depends on Danny and I too much to help her. I was angry at myself that I set that situation up that allowed her to depend on me too much. I was feeling overwhelmed with too many things plus I was angry. Gambling didn’t help as I was feeling just as angry when I left with much less money than I came in with. I am concerned about my granddaughter and how mentally ill she is. All in all the day was just a write-off. When I told Danny I had spent the day gambling, he said he knew I would because I was angry at him. I hate posting when I’ve gambled. Carole

[desdemona]

I was angry at Danny last night as he didn’t come with me to pick Claudia up after she finished work. He knows I don’t see well at night and that I’m nervous about winter driving. I hope her car is fixed today as I do not want to have to go pick her up tonight after her work. I had an overwhelming day yesterday with people pushing and pulling me different directions with their needs. And my 21 year old granddaughter was out with one of my friends (used to be my best friend) and suffered a disassociative episode where she didn’t know where she was at or how she got there, and couldn’t feel her left arm. My friend took her to the emerg at the hospital and over time she started to remember more. My granddaughter recently started therapy again, thankfully. She will not be returning to university come January, but she will continue to live in the city where she can get very specialized help, which is not available where we live. She plans on getting a non-stressful job and get therapy. One thing about her is that she always calls her mother or me when she is in trouble mental health wise, which is a good thing. I didn’t gamble yesterday. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((sad))) and (((cat))) for your lovely posts on my thread. Today I lowered my ATM cash limit to $100 from $400. Went for lunch with Danny and my daughter and then ran a lot of errands such as groceries, recycle, pick up meds and mail, etc. We had two big wolves on our property this morning. They were right in the open and are probably attracted to the deer that eat at my bird feeders. We’ve always had dogs so we never saw wolves before. I’m not happy with having them here. I need to drive one hour round trip to go pick up one of my renters after she finishes work at 9:00 pm. Her car is in the garage and she has no other way to get home. I have poor vision when it’s dark and don’t like driving in the winter, but she expects me to pick her up. How do I get into these types of relationships?? Carole

[desdemona]

Spent a few hours on the support groups with Charles and got booted and couldn’t get back in, and then I couldn’t type as the letters I hit wouldn’t show up. Anyways it’s always nice to visit with everyone in the groups. Encourage others and be encouraged is always nice. Danny had to go pick up another one of our renters as his car broke down. It’s a good thing Danny’s home to rescue these renters in this extremely frigid weather. Off I go to do more cleaning. Dishes first so that I can warm up in the hot sudsy water. Carole

[desdemona]

The great news about the neurologist appointment is that Danny’s MS is in remission. He has no active lesions at the present time. We had a good time together those couple days we were in the city. Stayed at a really nice hotel and had a delicious dinner cooked right in front of us at the Japanese Village. It has been extremely cold here with temperatures of minus 30 celcius. I don’t drive to town unless it is absolutely necessary as the roads are dangerous. My friend Claudia and I came upon a serious car accident moments before it happened. There were no police cars or ambulances there so we knew it had just happened. I’m still waiting to hear if anybody died in that accident. The car was totaled and the collision was with a truck. I’ve been working hard cleaning my renters’ house as I have a full house. Danny is home for a couple more days and he is helping Claudia get her car started. The cold makes everything more difficult and thankfully Danny is home to help her. As far as gambling is concerned I am doing well. When I stopped playing free slots online, recovery became so much easier. Keeping busy also helps a lot. Here’s hoping everyone has a gamble free December. One day at a time!! Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Bettie))) and (((Liz))) for your posts. I was stressed out about going over and seeing Darcy as I didn’t know what to say to him. What do you say to someone whose daughter died tragically? I had a stomach ache yesterday and the evening before because it was stressing me out, so I thought I would summon courage and go over there. It was a bit awkward at first but then it got comfortable. I’m glad that’s over. Danny arrives home noonish tomorrow. He flies in tonight but I don’t want him driving home from Edmonton at night. He had an MRI for his MS and he has an appointment with the neurologist on Thursday, so we are going to Edmonton on Wednesday and staying overnight. We are going to go for supper with his brother and his wife, so that will be fun. A friend invited me to her retirement home in Costa Rica and I seriously thought of going, but have decided I am too scared to travel there by myself as I would have to take a 3 and a half hour bus ride through the mountains to get to her place, and sleep in a hotel the night I arrived. This is too stressful for me at this point in my life; I’m not as adventurous as I used to be. She has monkeys and sloths in the trees in her yard and I would have loved to see that. I know that I would get anxiety attacks once I booked that flight which would bring on gambling urges and I don’t need self-induced stress. Plus I would have to visit when Danny was on his week off, so that would mean I wouldn’t see him for 5 weeks, which doesn’t work for me. I miss him when he is away working. He works two weeks and is off for a week. Not going is the right decision for me. I let my friend know today that I wouldn’t be coming to visit. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Bettie))) What a surprise you phoning; it made my day. It was lovely to hear your voice and to catch up with you. Thank you! Carole

[desdemona]

Having my morning coffee and feeling like I slept pretty good last night. Winter has arrived as evidenced by a lot of snow that fell overnight. My renter has returned whose daughter died as a result of a party drug she ingested about 5 months ago. She wasn’t a drug taker and she was dropped off at a hospital by someone anonymous. She was put on life support and she died. I also have a renter whose son was murdered over something to do with marijuana. Out of 6 people I have 2 that have lost their children tragically. I will not be decorating my renters’ house this year as I’m sure my renter doesn’t need further reminder that his daughter won’t be with them this Christmas. I’m doing well with not gambling. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((P))) for your kind post. I don’t know that Danny understands that cgs can’t stop after that first bet. I remember being in a casino with Danny and winning $400 with my first spin and him saying let’s go now. I looked at him in disbelief and told him that I hadn’t had a chance to play so I wasn’t leaving. Non-cgs don’t understand the urges/cravings to see those wheels spin. I had planned to go to town yesterday but decided not to go as it soon would start to get dark. I spent three hours on GT support group and by the time I leisurely did my cleaning, the daylight had pretty much gone. My renter Claudia is going to be giving me $250 cash plus I’m expecting a cheque in the mail so I want to put that safely in the bank today. I will be bringing my calendar with green xs with me, in case a sneaky urge/thought comes up when I’m in town. That will I can stop and think about whether I want a black x on my calendar and want all the bad feelings that come with gambling. A girl’s got to do what a girl has to do. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((icandothis))) for your kind supportive post. The reason that my husband said once a month is probably because compulsive gambling means on some level that I need him, at least financially. I told him I didn’t want that option. I also find being honest with him helps me. Yesterday I told him I was having huge urges, via text, and he sent me back a text saying I didn’t need that s**t, and suggested some things for me to do instead. On a small level I was hoping he would say to go for a while. I’m grateful he didn’t. I did get a bit more done yesterday than I usually do in terms of cleaning. I did prepare supper for my renter/casual friend. I cooked two nights in a row!!! I’m planning to have another green x day today. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Liz))) for your kind post. I accomplished next to nothing yesterday, other than not gambling and making my renter/ casual friend some chili. I told her I would make her soft tacos tonight and maybe a ceasar salad. So far today it is noon and all I’ve done is feed the birds and change the cat litter. I feel tired a lot of the time and just so unmotivated. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Liz)))! People are about as happy as they want to be. My mother has been an unhappy person most of her life, and nothing that anyone can say or do is going to change that. My mother can always find something to complain about. I’ve heard you wonder if you’ll be able to look after your mother in her declining years, in your home. I have realized that it would be a recipe for disaster to take my mother in, even if she wanted to live with us. Sometimes we have to care for parents at a distance, with people that can look after them, like assisted living or even nursing home care. That’s the stark reality of having difficult parents. When the time comes, you’ll know what you can do and can’t. It sounds like your mother is a frustrated depressed compulsive gambler. Carole

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