[desdemona]

Sent an email to Danny telling him that it wasn’t a stretch to think that he might get sick with my cold if he came here to visit, as I cough a lot and sneeze. And it was up to him whether he should visit. I also told him that I wouldn’t be up to entertaining him at my place, and that I needed him to run errands for me, such as getting groceries, etc. Danny has COPD and MS which means he has a compromised immune system, so I really don’t want him getting sick with a cold as he already has difficulty breathing. He said he would be here tomorrow and would bring supper. I also asked him not to try and quarrel with me about ANYTHING. Carole

[desdemona]

Great to hear (((Liz)))! I laughed because it reminded me of when I used to man the crisis line and this woman called me and said she was feeling suicidal. We chatted and by the end of the call I had her laughing. Some of the people who would call regularly were people with serious mental health problems like bi-polar or schizophrenia, and it was very sad. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks for the kind post (((Liz)))! I had a lot of fun with you chatting on facebook about silly and serious things. Hope it helped you get out of the funk I didn’t know you were having! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! You are missed on the site, and I wished I would have asked you when you would be returning home. Please let us know when you are back and about your visit. Happy New Year Cat!!! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((trinitysky)))! It’s great to hear that you have hope for the future. It sounds like you have the employment part of your future on solid ground. And the best part is that you are grounded in your gambling recovery. Just keeping working at your life a day at a time, and know that you have people on this site supporting you and wishing you every good thing. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Bettie))) for your kind suggestions on ordering food in. I’m not starving by any means but I don’t open my door to anyone if I’m home alone. I’m still coughing like crazy and I know that my smoking while sick, doesn’t help me, but I continue to do it. I woke up this morning and while laying in bed I took stock of my life to orientate myself to the coming day. I had a moment of pure contentment when I remembered that I am gamble free and have maintained my weight loss this month. Those are huge achievements for me anyways! The cats were wanting me to get up so I did. My moment of contentment came crashing down when I walked into my kitchen and saw all the unwashed dishes. But for right now I will have my coffee and tackle the dishes later today. Danny phoned and said that he would come to the city on the 29th and look after me he supposed. “He supposed??” I asked him when he was returning to work and he said January 9th. I said that it was too long for him to stay at my place. As much as he says he wants to get back together, he doesn’t seem very interested in my well-being, other than financially. It’s no different than when we were living together. “get the girl, marry the girl, support the girl financially,” and his work is done. Looking after me emotionally is a chore for him. That isn’t my idea of what love is. I am thankful that he has been generous in providing for me since I left him, but until I get my financial settlement, I believe that it is his responsibility. If I was separated from someone that I claimed to love, I would be trying to meet their emotional needs by doing special things for them, and showing that I loved them. I won’t be living with Danny again. I don’t need to be living with anyone that can’t communicate on an emotional level. I deserve better even if that means living on my own for the rest of my life. In my marriage I got desensitized to behavior that was inappropriate emotionally towards me. Now I listen very carefully to what he says. His expectation is that we would pick up where we left off. That isn’t going to happen as I’ve changed, as a result of the recovery work I have done. One day at a time!! Carole

[desdemona]

I seem to be unable to get into the unmoderated chat groups, even though I have figured out how to get into the facilitated groups. I am feeling a teeny bit better today, but not well enough to go anywhere. Danny told me that his daughter got engaged this Christmas. This is her second marriage but I have to say this guy is a prince. I’m happy for her. My cats have spent the day upstairs on my bed. I think they have had enough of me being home for so long. Does anyone know if the safe harbour site is still up as I can’t seem to get on there and chat either? Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((trinitysky)))! I’m so glad you posted even though you say you don’t know what to say. We all at times have to do what we need to do to get through some days. For you it was sleeping. Far better to sleep than gamble. I thought about you yesterday and am really hoping that something good happens for you, whatever that will be. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((icandothis)))! I saw on the news that due to ice storms and flooding that certain geographical areas like Ontario, New Brunswick, the UK, and France, had caused power outages for thousands of people. Several deaths had been reported due to carbon monoxide poisoning. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law possibly having had a stroke. That has to be very stressful for the family. And I do hope that you get to keep your power. And I do hope that for today you don’t gamble. What need would you be hoping you would fill by gambling?? Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you (((Laura))) for your kind post. I always remember your first Christmas in recovery and how your Mom came through for you and supported you. My how things have changed for you! My cats were happy to have me home and yes they have been laying on my lap and beside me, unaware that had I been well, they would have been alone for a couple of days. I’m relieved that Christmas Day has come and gone. I asked Danny over the phone, to unwrap a gift his daughter gave me and it is a pair of flannel pjs. I LOVE getting pjs. His other daughter gave us a gift card for the movies and a gift card for dinner at the Keg. I asked Danny if he would come and see me when I was feeling better and he said he wouldn’t come here till Jan 3th as he has a catscan on Dec 4th. He said there was nothing to do at my house and he had things to do on the acreage. Good old emotionally clueless Danny! And he wants to get back together. LOL! He spent Christmas Day at my daughter’s and son-in-law’s, with my granddaughters, and not with his family. I find that ironic that he’s with my family, and I’m sick in the city alone. I still have my cold and need groceries but I don’t want to out anywhere where there are crowds of people, till I feel better. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Liz)))! How sweet that your grandson is writing down what he is doing and seeing so he can share it with you and his Mom. it’s great that he spending time with his Dad and extended family and having new experiences. Seeing turtles in the ocean and snorkelling rocks! I’m happy to hear that you have some plans on what you are going to do to stay gamble free this coming year. You have been through so much and have so much to look forward to. Those first anniversaries after a person you love dies are painful, but it does get easier as timer passes. Gambling doesn’t lessen our pain, it only increases it, as it is so unsatisfying. It’s like eating one potato chip. Gambling never fills any emotional void. It just erodes our self-esteem and creates new problems. I’d love to see your new hair color, as I’m sure it looks really nice. Good for you for having the courage to experiment. Carole

[desdemona]

Thinking of you today (((trinitysky)))! Hope you have a Merry Christmas in spite of your situation today. Carole

[desdemona]

Christmas Day has arrived and it just feels like any other day to me, because I’m barking like a German Shepherd, have a sore throat, runny nose, and am feeling poorly. One of the sweetest things I’ve heard today was that my 8 year old granddaughter made her 20 year old sister a book on sharks as a gift. She knows how much her older sister has always loved sharks, and she researched facts on sharks and drew pictures of them as well. The 20 year old cried out of appreciation, and then had the 8 year old crying as well. I spoke to my granddaughters today and my daughter and Danny’s daughter who offered to drop off anything I need as she heard I was sick. Those are the things that make Christmas special to me. I wished my cats a Merry Christmas and I’m good with that! Carole

[desdemona]

I don’t believe this is the same cold I had before I went on vacation, as I was almost over it, and feeling better every day that passed. I believe that I caught another type of virus while in Disneyland. There were so many people and I touched hundreds of places where thousands of people had touched before me. I look forward to feeling better and seeing what the new year brings. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((trinitysky)))! I’m assuming that your boyfriend is spending Christmas with his family. Like I said before, actions speak louder than words. Do you have any family and friends you could spend Christmas Day with?? I’m going to be alone tomorrow myself as I am too ill with a cold to drive to where my family is. I wouldn’t suggest that you sleep the day away but that’s just me. Try and be kind to yourself and make yourself a meal you enjoy, and do something that gives you pleasure. Try to make the best of your day, and count whatever you see as blessings in your life, even though your life is so rough right now. I’m thinking of you (((trinitysky)))! Carole

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