[desdemona]

Thinking of you (((slotjunkie)))! I can empathize with you over losing a brother to a tragic death, but for you to lose 2 brothers is more than I can contemplate dealing with. Do the best you can and know there are people on GT here that are here for you to support you during this extremely difficult time for you. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Bettie)))! I’m finally home from Winnipeg and am getting caught up on people’s threads. Good to hear that you are starting to get that insulin pump sorted out. When your glucose levels get stabilized you’ll feel better and with spring/summer coming, you will have more reasons to get motivated to get more active. It is finally time that your work gets recognized and valued. I now have 3 cats as I inherited my mother’s cat when I was in Winnipeg, as she can no longer look after it. Anymore than three is the line between being a cat lover and a cat hoarder, in my opinion. Hope you’re feeling well and way to go on being gamble free. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Kathryn)))! I caught up on your thread and I can empathize with you about parents getting older and needing care, and how emotional it gets for us children, having to make care decisions for them. We thought we were looking at a nursing home admission for our mother when she fell twice in one day and was delirious for weeks and had a compression fracture in her spine. Fortunately for us she recovered well and was able to return to the seniors building she was living in before she fell, with supports in place for her. I know it is only a matter of time before she will not be able to live where she is, and that the brunt of the decision making will fall on my brother and myself. I inherited her cat as she can no longer take care of it, so I now have three cats. The cat travelled well on the plane but is really upset about being home with me, and there being 2 other cats here. I left my passive aggressive husband as his abusive ways got to be too much for me to handle. As the years clicked by, he became someone I could no longer have around me, as it affected who I was as a person. Recovery has allowed me to recover who I was before I became a cg, but it has also made me a more insightful person as to what my needs are. I have recognized my people pleasing ways and have outed people in my life that were toxic for me. I would recommend Melody Beatty books on co-dependency to get to a new level of finding yourself. Is your husband still gambling?? He seems not to like himself much as people that try and drag you down to their level have low self-esteem. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Lorraine)))! How nice to see you posting. I have missed you and am happy to see that you are working your recovery. I tried to find you on Safe Harbour but it seems the site doesn’t exist anymore, as I couldn’t get in on the several occasions I tried to sign in. Charles is right that it is never too late to work recovery, and that no one is ever beyond help. You have always mattered a great deal to me Lorraine. You had an ugly hand dealt to you in life, and then you became a compulsive gambler. You can still turn your life around, in spite of what has occurred in the past. I understand that you’re scared as to what each day will bring, with messing up the family financial affairs, but you aren’t the first CG that has done that, nor will you be the last. There is a way out of this and it involves not gambling, even online. I’m here to support you Lorraine and I’m sure many on this site are as well. Keep posting and if the members of your GA group have given up on you, stay close to us here, and maybe find another group that will welcome you as the beautiful caring person you are. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear Liz! I read your thread back from when I was away, and you have been going through a lot! Congratulations on selling your condo! Way to go on joining the gym! During the time I was in Winnipeg, I did not follow a healthy eating program, as I wasn’t at my own home, and there was too much stress for me. I can tell I gained back some of the weight I worked so hard to lose, but when I’m ready again, I will try and organize myself so that I can eat better. So much has changed for you since your husband was diagnosed and with his subsequent death. It saddens me to hear that your mother was so very mean-spirited with you. And then to ask you how you like it?? OUCH!! You have done nothing but help her yet she acts like you’ve been the one that has been nasty with her. Once you really get to the point that you know in your heart that she will never be the mother you would have like to have, then it will be easier not to get sucked into her twisted thinking. Thankfully you can take those experiences and turn them around by being the best mother and grandmother you can be for your girls and grandson. Thank you for your support while I was away. It meant a lot. Carole

[desdemona]

I’m home!! I went to Winnipeg for 4 days and ended up staying there for 26 days instead. I now have 3 cats as my mother cannot look after her cat anymore! The cat’s airline ticket cost me $60 to ride under the seat in front of mine. My mother was discharged from hospital yesterday back to the seniors building where she was living prior to the 2 falls. I put in a life alert with a fall detector for her so there will be no more 20 hours on the floor should she fall again. She has to use a walker full-time now anytime she walks. She was very appreciative of all I did for her when she was in hospital like purge her suite of living room furniture she could trip on and injure herself badly, like glass end tables. I threw all of her bedding out and bought her new bedding, as well as safe footwear, etc. I moved everything from the second shelf of all her cupboards, to the first shelf, and gave away her 2 step stools. Ornaments flew out the door as fast as I could pick them up. She was a hoarder of stuff but a very clean “hoarder.” She is so scared of falling again, that she was receptive to me decluttering her place, so I took full advantage of that. I really appreciate all the wonderful friends from GT who supported me during this time. I had to cold turkey my internet connection but I got your posts through Cat, thankfully. My dear Cat who stayed with me on the stem cell collection day and who supported me emotionally during those very painful injections pre-collection date, when I didn’t feel I could go on. Some of the side effects I experienced were chronic headaches that were not relieved by OTC medication. They give you a growth hormone that stimulates your skull and bones to produce stem cells, so your bones ache, and you have nausea and diarrhea. The effects of the injections get worse and worse, day by day. By day three, I had hit a wall and didn’t know if I could continue with them as I was feeling so ill. There was really no choice but to continue them or the person would die, without the transplant. When a person gets to a point of needing a stem cell transplant, they have no other option because they are dying. Long and short of it, was that I produced enough stem cells that they were able to harvest enough stem cells for two complete stem cell transplants for the woman. Because my arm veins could not have withstood a 6 hour collection process, they decided that I would have to have a femoral catheter line, which a surgeon puts in, using local anesthetic. It was so painful that I fainted on the operating table, and I was crying out in pain, and I was panicked and my blood pressure dropped to very low. I had to stay in a recovery room till everything stabilized itself out. From this femoral line I now have pure scarlet bruising across my groin area and abdomen. But this too shall pass. My 20 year old granddaughter moved in with me while I was away, as she only has 2 more months of university this term, and my cats needed looking after. She waited on me hand and foot this evening, as I told her that I needed her to look after me tonight. So thank you to each and everyone of you who supported me during this time. It’s nice to know that I have friends who are there when it counts!! Cat shared an experience with me that I’m sure she’ll remember a long time. LOL! Who knew that I would meet Cat on GT and that she would accompany me on this medical journey to give another woman and those that love her, a possible gift of life. I am the oldest person in Manitoba to donate stem cells to an unrelated recipient. I still can’t get my head around the fact that this woman and I share 9 out of 10 DNA markers, and we’re not related. They destroyed her immune system prior to her getting my stem cells, so do we now have the same DNA?? If both of us agree, a year from now we can communicate. The bone marrow and stem cell registries are linked across the world so she could in effect, live anywhere. Cat and I watched them put my stem cell bag in a cooler to be flown away to the recipient. I posted a lot today because I had a lot to say. I really wouldn’t want to go through this again, though I’m happy I did it. Carole

[desdemona]

I arrived in Winnipeg only to find out that my mother had fallen a second time last Thursday, and had been taken to hospital after laying 20 hours on the floor, as she was too confused to push her lifeline button. She has a compression fracture of her lumbar spine and will probably not be able to return to her suite where she was living before the falls. I cancelled my flight home for tomorrow and will be staying in Winnipeg as long as it takes to sort her placement arrangements. There are long wait lists for beds here, just like there are in every province. I have the same cold I had almost gotten rid of before I flew out. My mother has a cat so it looks like I am getting a 3rd cat. lol! Carole

[desdemona]

So very true (((Larry)))! If we eliminate the reasons we gamble, be they dysfunctional relationships, lack of coping skills, boredom, etc, we go a long way in helping our recovery have less of a hold on us. That was true in my case anyways! Sometimes life throws us a curve ball out of left field that is very painful, and I’m trying to cope with those painful out of left field things, but I’m still learning. Carole

[desdemona]

(((Cat))) I’m booking a flight to your city today as my Mom took a fall and injured her back though the paramedics said they didn’t think she required transportation to hospital. I spoke to her and told her I would fly out tomorrow to spend a couple days with her. I will also be visiting her twin sister, My brother and with you of course. Maybe we can go out to dinner. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Liz)))! I don’t have to go to work or could work parttime if I wanted to as Danny says he will keep supporting me. I want to be self-sufficient. I like the socialization part of working. Working will make me independent and not dependent on some guy to support me. I’m so happy to hear that your daughter found such a good job, and that your daughter is being such a good Mom! It’s good that you stood in the gap for your little guy, when his mother couldn’t. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((trinitysky)))! As Monique said, you are gamble free which is a huge accomplishment and you do have employment, even though it isn’t ideal. The living with your Mom is only temporary, but I feel for you as you said you hated it. I think that it was probably a more sound decision to move to your Mom’s than to take a chance of moving in with a male co-worker. You are doing what needs to be done in your life, even though most of the choices you have had to make haven’t been pleasant. You have strength and courage, and that will carry you through until you can make other choices you want to make. Carole

[desdemona]

Thanks (((Liz))) for the supportive post. I am feeling lonely and unmotivated and it’s maybe because I haven’t been sleeping well for many nights. I’m back to my healthy eating but otherwise am a slug on my computer most of the day, and in the evening it’s the TV. There’s so much I could and should be doing in my suite. I stay in my pjs till evening and then have a bath and then put on clean pjs. I need to get out of this very lazy phase, and securing a job would force me to. Is your daughter planning to move to your town in the future, so that you won’t have as many city commutes to access your grandson? Wish I was there today weeding in your yard. I never thought I would miss weeding as there was always so much of it to do where I lived before. It is difficult to move on when you still love someone. The good thing is that I’m in charge of when and if I see Danny. I did tell my daughter that I would come up and babysit my two littlest granddaughters so that she and her husband could get away for a few days and go skiing together. She seemed to really like that idea so I’m expecting to go back to the country in the near future. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Debbie)))! I was wondering how you were doing. I know that you are out there living your life. I am looking forward to finding a job to go to so that I have structure in my life and a purpose. I like the socialization aspect of working as well. Hopefully we can meet in the not too distant future. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Cat)))! I did run into Pumkin in a chat and she’s still making that long commute to her job. She has taken a rest from breeding her cats, but still has several cats. She still has some of the same challenges she had. It was soooo nice to know that she’s still around because I too wonder how our friends are doing. I also ran into Sherry on chat and they have bought or built a house. It’s been a really long winter this year and according to my Aunt who lives where you live, you have had a lot of very cold weather as well. Do you have any training or workshops you could attend where I live? I have airmiles you could use plus you could stay with me and my cats. I’d love to see you again and have some laughs with you. Carole

[desdemona]

Dear (((Liz)))! It made me happy when I read that your daughter took cupcakes to your grandson’s classroom. It’s amazing how present people can be in real life when they are in recovery. I also think the craft project sounds wonderful and I’m sure it will be a treasured piece of art on your bedroom wall. I hear you that good things can come out of someone’s death. I reconciled with my mother, sister, and brother after my brother Ron died. We had been estranged for about 20 years. I’m a little envious of you living in a smaller town. I did enjoy living in the country and believe it to be a much healthier environment to be, even though there isn’t as much to do socially. I’m so glad that you have found your “groove” by moving there. Carole

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