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Dear (((Laura)))! Thank you for such a supportive post on my thread. It meant a lot to me! It seems that a lot of cgs have trouble getting motivated to tackle projects they put off doing when they were actively gambling. Someone once told me that when a person feels unmotivated they should do something that needs done for 5 minutes. Another strategy is organize/clean a drawer or closet for that day. I have always felt a kinship to you because we struggle with relationship/marital problems. Danny just left my place and he is majorally upset with me because I won’t cooperate with the way he wants to set up the lease of our property to a friend of his, and the sale going through in 5 years. I want to be able to purchase somewhere to live, and am not going to wait 5 years to do that. The guy all of a sudden says he doesn’t have the money to pay out our mortgage and to give me my share of the proceeds. I told Danny that we weren’t his personal banker, and that if he couldn’t afford to buy our place, he shouldn’t be pursuing it. I’m not going along with any hare-brained schemes with Danny or his friend. Hope you have a good day! Carole
((Bettie))) You have managed to do an amazing job at recovery in spite of many challenges that have come along in those years. You were one of the first people I met when I came to GT and you gave me a lot of support in my recovery, and I’m grateful for that and you. Carole
Dear (((Liz)))! It’s so good to see that you are actively engaged in developing a full life for yourself, which I find to be the biggest challenge for anybody that has any kind of addiction. My life is kind of boring as I don’t accomplish much day after day, and I don’t seem to have the motivation to change that. One of my issues is that I don’t like going out after dark, which is what it is like here all winter, around 4 or 5 pm. I only like to socialize with friends occasionally. My 20 year old granddaughter is now living with me and she has 2 more months of university left this year. She was having interpersonal problems with a male roommate which were ongoing, so I suggested she move in with me and live rent free. We try and give each other space. She is dating a doctor in his residency, and he is working in Calgary for 3 weeks so she took the bus to go visit him. He lives in Edmonton so they have been seeing each other a lot since they met. I took my two little grandgirls to see the Lego Movie. They seemed to enjoy it, but I fell asleep because I thought the movie was boring. My mother seems to be improving very slowly. She is using a walker in her suite as she is very afraid of falling again. I call her more frequently now to see how she is. I know she really appreciated all I did for her while she was hospitalized. I haven’t had a good relationship with her for most of my life as she was not a good mother, and we were estranged for approximately 20 years where I had no contact with her. I have boundaries with her, and she knows that I will not tolerate any unsupportive or derogatory talk. That’s interesting that your mother would bring over a cake like nothing ever happened. That was the way Danny’s parents were: never acknowledging or apologizing for their awful behaviors, and choosing to sweep it under the rug, rather than admit they behaved badly. I’m not like that so it was hard for me to accept that. It doesn’t sound like your mother is the apologizing type, nor is there much hope that at her age, she is going to change. Maybe do what I do with Danny- I send him home when he behaves in a way I don’t like. Carole
(((Cat))) You work fulltime in an emotionally taxing position, so no wonder you just want to chill when you get home. And we’re not spring chickens anymore!!! You deserve to relax at the end of a day! This Canadian winter has been long due to the extreme cold and all the snow we got. Most people are just plain tired of it! Spring is around the corner and soon we’ll be complaining of how hot it is! Sorry you’re feeling blue! Has your daughter moved in yet?? How is the basement downsize and reno going?? Carole
Dear (((Liz)))! When I saw the advertisement for the new Lego movie, I thought of you and your grandson. I know how much he loved LEGOLAND. Good for you for not letting your mother infuse herself into your plans. We definitely need to put boundaries around those people who are toxic to us. We all have them in our lives and recovery teaches us how to do that. I don’t see your mother going to counselling as she doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge that she has problems. So like you said, you need to be the one that changes your behavior towards her, because she isn’t going to change. I know you’ll have a good time with your grandson. Carole
Congratulations (((Bonkers))) on over 2 years of sanity!!! You are one of the blessed ones that didn’t lose their spouse over an addiction. It sounds like you and your wife enjoy each other still. Way to go!! Carole
Thank you (((P))) for all the encouraging posts you have written to me in the past 3 years. I appreciate all your support! My mother’s cat is a beautiful calico, but a hissing queen! I’m pretty sure that in time she’ll adjust to the other cats, and this won’t be an issue anymore. I haven’t seen her eat yet but I’m sure when she gets hungry enough she will. Danny is allergic to cats! LOL! Carole
Dear (((Laura)))! Way to go on getting so much work done in your home, especially since you struggle with so much pain. Relationships aren’t easy! I laid down for a nap this afternoon and Danny came into my bedroom to ask if I’d be going grocery shopping with him and my granddaughter, and what would we be having for supper. He hasn’t seen me in a month, I’ve just got home yesterday evening, and I’m still heavily bruised from the procedure, and the expectation is that I’ll have supper organized in my head. I find him so very annoying at times like that! Some husbands would be bringing a supper tray for their wives in a situation like that, just to be nice and kind. I’m guessing your husband wouldn’t be bringing you supper in bed either. Your husband leaving you alone for a good part of Christmas Eve was inconsiderate, and certainly gives the message that whoever he was with, is more important than you are. That was just plain mean!!! No wonder you were upset!! These guys just don’t get it! I have had the occasional thought of reconciling with Danny, but I can’t see that anything has changed. I just live one day at a time, and that helps me to get through some of the challenging times in my life. I’m happy I learned to live that way as it reduces the amount of stress I take on for that day!! My granddaughter asked me about my plans for today and she laughed when I told her that so far for today, I had planned up to having toast for breakfast. Carole