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Dear (((Liz)))! I caught up on your thread tonight. I can hardly believe that you said you thought you should be further along in your grief journey. I have done extensive work in grief/bereavement and I can say that you have done amazingly since your husband was diagnosed and then died. You are right that everyone’s grief journey is different, but you have inspired me by how you have handled your husband’s death. The first year is the hardest people say, and that’s been my experience. The hurt does goes away where you’ll be able to think of your husband without sadness at some point. That’s been my experience with my brother anyways. I’m happy to hear that you aren’t running yourself ragged driving to the city all the time. My grandgirls appreciate me more when they don’t see me all the time. Hope you have a great Easter celebration! Carole
Dear (((Cat)))! I read on someone else’s thread that you had a problem with a staff member showing you attitude. I’m from the old school where no matter what is going on in a person’s personal life, you don’t bring it to the workplace. If someone is your supervisor, you respect that person even if you don’t agree with them. I can’t imagine ever giving a supervisor “attitude.” In my day that was called insubordination, and a person could be dismissed immediately for that. I believe that a lot of kids are being raised not to respect their parents and other significant others, and that the world revolves around them. That’s hardly preparation for life as an adult. Carole
Dear (((Liz)))! It’s too bad that you both said mean things to each other, as words can never be taken back. Members of families know how to push each other’s buttons, as we know each other’s vulnerabilities. I am 58 years old and can remember painful words spoken to me as a young child by both of my parents, where I felt shame and humiliated! A parent’s words are so powerful! I know you want a close relationship with your daughter(s), but that can’t be bought or forced. I know it’s difficult for you as well with your relationship with your mother, as she can’t give you what you need emotionally. It seems like you have a long history of not getting what you need emotionally from significant others in your life. As much as you loved your husband, he could not provide what you needed emotionally as he had an alcohol problem. I recognize this clearly as I am in the same boat with you. I gave up decades ago with my mother of ever getting any of my emotional needs met, because I knew it would never happen. I don’t think she could tell me exactly when my birthday is. I have a husband who doesn’t met my emotional needs, and doesn’t have a clue or the ability to sustain being kind to me. I think that is the main reason we invest so much into our grandkids. They love us unconditionally and spoiling them ensures that they will spend time with us. That meets some of our emotional need to love and be loved. Having pets does the same, especially dogs. That’s one of the reasons I had so many dogs, as I was trying to get some of my emotional needs met. I totally understand you questioning what your purpose in life is, as I ask myself the same thing almost on a daily basis, and I can’t answer that. I would suggest that you give your daughter space and time for her to cool down and process what happened between you. You need the same and your grandson will contact you. He knows you love him! Carole
Dear (((Liz)))!
I’m sorry that you are hurting right now! I have to agree with what Vera said. I have read your posts and you have been running yourself ragged trying to help your daughter. You don’t even live in the city/town, and yet you make that commute like she lives around the corner. I know you want to lessen the stress for your daughter as she is in drug recovery, but she doesn’t seem to have grasped the simple premise that she is responsible for her own behavior. No matter what has happened to us in life starting as children, we need to deal with it, and move on. In my opinion, you have done too much for her since your husband died. Vera is right that were it not for you and your husband, your grandson could very well have ended up in gov’t care. Your daughter was very mean-spirited to have told you that you will see your grandson on her terms. Your grandson will badger his mother to see you, so I wouldn’t worry about not seeing him. It’s a pattern that has happened before when you have had conflict with your daughter. I think it’s time to take on a grandmother’s role and let your grandson’s parents deal with the day to day care of their child. I would suggest not responding to her texts as you are both upset now. Let the situation cool down, as nothing good can come at this time. It seems that she sees you as an ATM because you have set it up like that. I don’t mean to hurt you with that statement. Enjoy your new home and spend time working in your yard if that’s what you want to do. Nature is a great healer and getting your hands in the dirt soothes the soul. CaroleDear (((Bettie)))! Sorry to hear that accessing health care is going to be so expensive for you. It really is sad to know that access to doctors and treatment is not available to everyone in the US. I was reading that a person who needed a stem cell transplant didn’t get as good of a match as they could, as the US insurance company said it was too expensive for them to look for a better match. That seems absurd to me! So if a person doesn’t have health insurance and they get cancer, they don’t receive treatment???? Is that true? I can’t imagine looking for coupons or vouchers to discount the cost of health care, though I must say that Liz is resourceful. Thank you for posting on my thread. Carole
Today is April Fool’s Day in Canada, and I’m not going to be a fool today, and gamble. I am going to do some productive things today. Carole