[davidg]

After continuing to bleed money, I have finally, today, decided to seriously quit for good. I have given false promises in the past which, deep down, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep. But, this time I am serious. My parents have almost caught a couple times now, and the walls are “closing in on me”, so to speak. The first time I said I was going to stop gambling, I shut down my three sports betting accounts, only to open another one soon after. I closed down my last account today and I am determined not to open up another one, constantly fighting urges today to bet, but I know it’s not worth it, and so I won’t let my inner desires get the best of me. I won’t let it happen. It’s time I take my life back from the gambling that has consumed so much of my time over so much of my time lately and get my life back on track. I can see the light at the tunnel, and I have seen it for a while, it’s time I finally walk to it.

[davidg]

Well, I’m sorry to have to report that I lost another 100 recently. I am trying desperately to have more control when betting, but without luck.

[davidg]

After losing even more money (which eventually totaled 100 dollars), I decided I would write an ebook in order to regain the money I lost from gambling. In effect, what it also did was take my mind away from gambling, as writing what turned out to be a novella allowed me to immerse myself in the world I built rather than think about all of the bets I was missing and when was the next time I was filling my account up. Although it did help I had a Wimbledon futures bet during much of the time I was writing this to ease the pain, it lost too, and the only thing I had left was this novella.
Maybe this novella will start another chapter in my life.

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[davidg]

Well, I guess I’ll just come out and say it, I lost it all. Lady luck just didn’t fall my way, and I ended up bonking out. It’s depressing, but unfortunately, at this point, I’m used to the internal suffering, which isn’t good but is honestly the truth at this point.

[davidg]

Well, after getting down to around 88-89 dollars down, I have refused to go down quietly. I have fought my way back to around 59 dollars down. I’m not going down without the fight of my life…

[davidg]

Well, I’m down 40 and the French Open hasn’t started…so depressing. I can’t control myself. The problem I realize, is that the farther you get down the more you want to bet in order to make up the losses and try to make some money, but then you just get down more because you start betting impulsively and the wheel continues to spin…

[davidg]

Well, I’m sorry to say I cracked yesterday. The opportunity to bet on the French Open tennis was too much for me to handle and I put another 100 in. Of course the compulsive gambling came back immediately and I forced a bet today and, of course, lost it. Disappointed in myself, but I don’t know what to really say at this point.

[davidg]

The urges are back and strong. I look around and realize how many missed chances I had to win and it’s making me crazy. I am holding off for now, but we will see how long I can last…

[davidg]

Actually, I think I made around 7000 (I forgot about bonds). Still, the idea is the same, that’s not a lot of money and I definitely should not be putting hundreds of it on a betting account…

[davidg]

Appreciate the kind words, Fritz. My subconscious is still thinking about when I can put that next 100 in the account, but I’m trying to drown out those thoughts. I find it especially hard to have quit Streak for the Cash, because I made so many good friends there, but you have to do what you have to do. I’m also trying to find a new hobby, so I made a blog.

Hopefully this takes my mind off the betting…

[davidg]

It’s also important to note that I really don’t have a steady stream of income besides a part-time seasonal winter job (which is now over) and occasional money from relatives, so this is a much bigger blow to me than someone with a full-time job.

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