[Dark Energy]

gratuluji G Rec, dobrý pokrok, jen tak dál.

[Dark Energy]

onnittelut G Rec, hyvä kehitys jatka samaan malliin.

[Dark Energy]

complimenti G Rec, buoni progressi continua così.

[Dark Energy]

مبارک ہو جی ریک ، اچھی ترقی اسے جاری رکھیں۔

[Dark Energy]

Glückwunsch G Rec, gute Fortschritte, weiter so.

[Dark Energy]

tillykke G Rec, god fremgang fortsæt.

[Dark Energy]

Вітаю, G Rec, успіхів, так тримати.

[Dark Energy]

congrats G Rec, good progress keep it up.

[Dark Energy]

Day#10
much better today I did the right things, I was a bit more productive in work.
the barriers saved me today I have received my salary and immediately get rid of it. “I am smiling from using such words like “get rid of it” about my salary. who could have guessed that I will reach in my life to a point that I am afraid of money and I need to get rid of it as soon as possible?
anyhow to this after paying all the bills, installments, and transferring an amount for saving, I kept what I need for the rest of the month plus some more for any emergency.
and guess what, the f****** urges started!! after all the suffering that I have passed through recently!! just a small amount of money triggered me….then the recalculation & budget squeezing started and I figured out that I can use 800$.
fortunately, I have no way to put that money in trading because I have closed the trading accounts, and I scratched all my cards so I am safe.

to the irony, after running all the options in my head and surrendering to the fact that the only way is to order a replacement card and this will take a week so I have surrendered to the fact that I can’t proceed, and then I had this big smile on my face I don’t know it is because I survived this time or because I have remembered how f******up my brain is. anyhow, one of my colleagues noticed the big smile and asked me what happen, I told him I just won 800$.

[Dark Energy]

hi kr1sty,
regarding the cards you can just scratch the 3 digits in the back of the card with a knife or screwdriver, to guarantee the three digits have been permanently removed,
do it without looking, to avoid the possibility of memorizing the three digits, you will not be able to use the card online. and you will still be able to use it to pay at the shops or to withdraw money from the ATM.

similar tips and tricks you can find in this forum, you are not alone. I know what you feel I have been there and done that.

what really works is the following:
1: no money = no gambling, you should find a way to limit your access to the money, if you can ask your partner or a family member to take the financial control, this will solve 50 or 60% of the problem.
2: willpower: you can’t depend on your willpower to stop gambling, you should find outside support to help you stop, you can plan and implement roadblocks that if your willpower failed the roadblocks will prevent you from relapsing.

3: it is a permanent illness, so you have to learn how to live with it, it is not the end of the world, some people are diabetic we are addicts. we can live with it, but as the diabatic should be always careful about what he eats, we should be careful about how we are dealing with money.

I hope you all the best

[Dark Energy]

Day#8,
one day at a time.

[Dark Energy]

Day#7
the 1st week over, but I am not sure why the progress is slow this time! why I am still so sad and depressed? I am still finding the situation is hopeless but I will keep fighting.
normally by the end of 1st week, I will be full of hope and momentum. but this time no.

[Dark Energy]

Day#6,
another day of facing my demons and my addiction, frankly, I don’t know which one came first or which one causes the other.
all I know now is one day at a time.

[Dark Energy]

Day#5,
I did the horrible exercise of reading all my posts, it is almost one year since I have started this thread “fresh start” I didn’t have the courage to read the posts in the previous thread which I started 2 years back.
it is a very painful experience to review all your past failures, to read all these hopeful thoughts, and all the depressing thoughts, all your ups and downs.
I read it to try to learn something from this horrible year of relapses. and I guess what I learned is I should not be very optimistic about my recovery it will lead to misjudgment it will lead to reducing the roadblocks and finally it will lead to a relapse. I guess a slightly pessimistic view will work better and will keep me safe.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Dark Energy.

[Dark Energy]

Day#4,
a bit better, but I am still feeling depressed sad, and scared from another relapse, the past experiences are not promising each time I climb this hole, I fall down right before I reach the surface.

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