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Viewing 15 posts - 916 through 930 (of 2,453 total)
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  • Dark Energy
    Participant

    Ciao Kin, ci sono cose che possiamo controllare come fermare il gioco d'azzardo, e ci sono cose che non possiamo controllare come il tempo, il covid… ecc. Tutto quello che puoi fare è essere egoista e concentrarti prima su te stesso, aiutare te stesso a poter aiutare qualcun altro.

    Dark Energy
    Participant

    Hallo Kin, Er zijn dingen die we kunnen beheersen, zoals stoppen met gokken, en er zijn dingen die we niet kunnen beheersen, zoals het weer, covid … enz. Het enige wat je kunt doen is egoïstisch zijn en je eerst op jezelf concentreren, jezelf helpen om iemand anders kunnen helpen.

    in reply to: fresh start #77523
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    Day#25
    thanks kin for checking on me, I am doing well so far.

    Today is the 25th day, no cravings or urges, just a lot of thinking on how to get it right this time.
    Yesterday I had a lot of free time, I read my previous journal, I read part of my diary “I don’t always write on it, I only used to write if I am down” so it is full of pain, I am thinking to delete it I don’t need any additional pain or negativity in my life. This time I am trying to reach the root of my addiction and fix it, and frankly, I can’t pinpoint one single reason. It is multiple factors that I need to address one by one.

    I hope all the best to all of you in your recovery

    in reply to: fresh start #77497
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    Day#24,
    one day at a time,
    stop gambling and eventually, everything will get better.

    in reply to: fresh start #77489
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    I am still getting my acts together, addiction caused overwhelming destruction to every aspect of my life and to my personality, addiction breaks down everything in one’s life, everything will be ignored and the priority will be just to feed one’s addiction.
    now after 23 days, I can see I just put one aspect of my life in order, the health aspect is now in order, I am taking care of what I eat, getting the correct supplements, working hard at the GYM, I can see the benefits from now, yes I need 4 to 6 months to reach my goal but I can see that I am getting closer toward my target every day and this keeps me motivated.
    this aspect becomes a routine, so now I have to work on another aspect and address it.

    keeping in mind the main priority in my life should be not to gamble because if I break this everything will be destroyed again.

    in reply to: fresh start #77483
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    Day#22,
    one day at a time.

    in reply to: fresh start #77467
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    Day#21,
    3 weeks passed since the last relapse, from a gambling perspective I have no craving and no urges so everything is fine in this regard, but I still have this fear from any future relapse, I think it is healthy to keep such fear but it is depressing at the same time.
    Does anyone have the same fear? does this will continue with me even after a year or two of recovery?

    in reply to: fresh start #77453
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    well, I think you didn’t understand what I wrote. anyhow thanks for your support.

    in reply to: fresh start #77449
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    I don’t know why I am feeling so broken now. I had a good day at work. I did my reading for the day. Went to the gym and I worked hard. It is a good day in general. So why this deep sadness now!!!. Why these Damn thoughts now.
    The great advice from Jorden Peterson is to compare yourself with who you were yesterday not to where someone else is today.
    Yes, but how the f*** I can forget who I could have been today if I didn’t gamble. I was much better than all my friends now I am so f***** broken person who is trying to get his acts together wrestling with life every day, sleeping with his eyes opened, afraid of his addiction demon who is waiting in the dark to attack him and to break him even more.
    life is suffering yes, but this is too much…
    damn, I can understand to be afraid of an external factor, but to be afraid of yourself is f****** hard.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by Dark Energy.
    in reply to: fresh start #77446
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    Day#20,
    I really have nothing to say today, just I am committing to writing a post daily as a part of maintaining the recovery.
    I am reading a book about procrastination I think I need it badly the book’s name is “end procrastination now … by William Knaus ” I am just at the beginning of it but the book seems interesting.
    I read the SMART recovery handbook last week, I am going to read it again this week and this time I will fill all the tables, I like their approach.
    well, that’s it for today.

    I hope all the best to all of you.

    in reply to: fresh start #77432
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    I am running all the options that I have to solve my life problems and what I can really see is just by stop gambling everything will get better and a +ve snowball will start rolling and my life eventually will get better.
    my top priority from now is to maintain this recovery. that’s it. I really shouldn’t overwhelm myself with what I don’t have now, or how much debt I should pay..etc.
    I should just focus on how to not gamble. this will solve 90% of my problem in the long run.

    in reply to: fresh start #77431
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    Day#19,
    yesterday I got this panic about the future, the fear that I will lose everything, again and again, the thing that calmed me down is to give myself a commitment not to have extra money not take any loans or credit cards, and I should work on my recovery daily. this what I can do and I will win. I am fed up with losing control every time, I am a much better person than who I am now, and I will recover and maintain my recovery.
    19 days passed since the last relapse and I can see how wonderful is to stay in an abstinence state, I can see the benefits: my diet is in order, I am losing weight, my health is getting better, I am more focused on work…and more.

    I hope the best to all of you in your recovery.

    in reply to: fresh start #77429
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    Day#18,
    one day at a time.

    in reply to: fresh start #77419
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    Day#17,
    I am in this nice state today, no cravings to gamble no thoughts about losses, and on the other hand no thoughts about recovery, I guess this how normal nonaddict people feel all the time. just peaceful life.
    it was a stressful day at work but it really didn’t affect me, my stress tolerance is increasing.
    after work, I came back home, prepared a good dinner, and I am going to GYM after posting this post.
    suddenly I have all this free time, after the gym, I am planning to watch a movie and continue reading a book.

    in reply to: fresh start #77406
    Dark Energy
    Participant

    Day#16,
    one day at a time

Viewing 15 posts - 916 through 930 (of 2,453 total)